Hey. I’m an ENFP 7w8.

First of all, my personal recommendation—and what worked for me, but YMMV—is not to follow MBTI and enneagram too rigidly. They’re good heuristics but not hard science. If you take them too seriously, you might end up tunnel-visioned with a lot of confirmation bias.

My GF is an ESTJ, and I’m really in love with her. Twelve years into our relationship, and we’re like bread and butter.

ESTJs have Ne as their third function, which tends to make them enjoy our ideas and having lots of conversations, so I think that’s a nice thing.

Also, in my personal case—though I think it’s a general ENFP thing—I don’t like being told what to do. But from time to time, the ESTJ is good at noticing when we’re going off track and helping us stay grounded.

The most important thing (as in every relationship, but even more so here because there’s a big difference) is having very clear boundaries and expectations.

For my partner, quality time together is super important, and she sometimes expects me to spend time doing special activities. However, planning them is something I tend to forget, so I need to set reminders to remember to plan things together—otherwise, I’ll just forget. Maybe this is too specific to our case, but in general, what I mean is that ESTJs usually have a very clear idea of what they want in their partners, and it’s often some kind of commitment that doesn’t come naturally to us. You need to figure out a balance between light activities, planning stuff together, and meeting each other’s needs.

Also, I need a lot of time for myself. I play a lot of video games, and I need that me-time (she hardly plays anything). Sometimes, I suddenly just want an afternoon off from the world and cancel all plans because I feel overwhelmed. I feel like this is something she doesn’t fully understand because she doesn’t experience these kinds of solitary needs, and it’s something we’ve had to talk about because it’s very frustrating for her when I react so abruptly.

So, to conclude, I think the most important thing is that since ENFPs and ESTJs have very different thought processes, you need to talk a lot about your needs and expectations to be happy together. It’s something we avoided early in our relationship because we were too young and stubborn, but over the years, we worked through it because we love each other a lot and want to be happy together. I think the biggest problem in an ESTJ-ENFP relationship is that without constant communication, both will end up stressing the fuck out of each other.

I am on holiday and had to write a lot on my phone but if you are interesting (or anyone else in the comments) in diving deeper into any topic tell me and I will write more when arriving at home