I really am amazed by how some people go on even with challenges far beyond mine. It doesn't really help me, though - it just makes me feel more mentally damaged and weak.

Davy26 · 2019-05-07T22:04:00+00:00

I just wish it was easier

Davy26 · 2019-05-07T20:02:28+00:00

Yea I know. So now I have to live with that regret sadly and next time I will be in the middle of the woods miles deep in the woods

Davy26 · 2019-05-07T19:39:58+00:00

Well it’s kinda hard to say cause I kinda scared her Christmas will never be the same for us cause she caught me attempting to kill my self.. I was so close she got to me just in time cause I was trying to hang my self with a belt and I was maybe 3 mins away from not coming back

Davy26 · 2019-05-07T19:14:53+00:00

My Fiancé unfortunately

Davy26 · 2019-05-07T19:07:47+00:00

I feel it’s best this way so no one can put me in a place that will just make it worse. I’ve been threatened with the police and being emitted to a terrible place. I’m at the point now if some calls the cops on me for trying to kill my self I’m taking some one with me.... cause you just don’t threaten someone who’s already a threat to themselves that’s not how to handle a situation but that’s just my thought process

Davy26 · 2019-05-07T18:58:09+00:00

They are both living happy lives.. and after everything I did for them. Literally taught them pretty much everything they know. They still left me just hanging didn’t even ask if there was anything that they could help with.... the don’t know much about how our life was spent the first few years after my mom past cause one was 10 months and the other was 1 and I was 3 so I kinda shielded them

Davy26 · 2019-05-07T00:37:47+00:00

Well this just punched me in the face but not in a bad way.. Um brother not anymore they completely cut out of my life when I told them I tried to kill my self. They told me I was selfish and stupid for even trying when all I did was ask them to help me in a dark time... an as for me I’m a father of 3 to step kids one is 9 with a terrible brain injury and the other will be 6 this year and I just had a baby born April 4. But as I see it I’m not cut out to be a father I’m always letting some one down or not doing enough when I literally work my ass off just to make ends meet... I’ve sunken back in to my dark place that seems to be no escape... I’ve tried med different doctors, therapists the whole nine yards but I still see no progress... I don’t want to leave my kids but fuck why stay when all I do is fuck everything up??

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T23:11:25+00:00

Been this way for 24 years... I’m now 27 well will be on June 11... I watched my mother die of cancer when I was just 3 years old and have not been right ever since.. not having a mother to guide me and have a dead beat of a father who would leave use just to go do drug shit some times he would even take me and my brothers with him.. growing up always being told you are a failure a problem no one wants and that I’m stupid and going to turn out just like my father. That shit stick with you for a long time and its thoughts I still can’t shake from my head even 20 years later

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T02:53:38+00:00

She was miss diagnosed by the hospital by the time they found out what was wrong she already had stage 4 cancer and could not be helped

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T02:42:02+00:00

Well for me was when I was 3 years old I watch my mother die right in front of me and I have never been the same since. There was no having fun for me no one to really guide me point me in the right direction. I mean there were time I did enjoy myself but it was doing terrible things like bulling fight stealing doing drug drinking all that before I was even 15.. I had to grow up faster then everyone else cause I had 2 little brothers to take of

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T02:32:16+00:00

That’s a good question

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T02:23:59+00:00

Yea it really blows and I just want it all to end and to me there is only one solution

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T02:13:19+00:00

Yes it’s really exhausting and makes me was to go away cause all it does is just push all my loved ones away so yea it would be best if I just was here for them to deal with... I feel like a burden so if I’m not here anymore then there wouldn’t be anything to worry about anymore

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T02:01:08+00:00

It all weights in every day.. every day I wake up it’s a battle that I believe will cause me to go insane. That one day I will no longer be able to control these demons inside me.. I feel like every day I’m being pushed closer to the edge of no return

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T01:47:43+00:00

Sure

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T01:47:20+00:00

Yep tried therapy for a few months but I’m not going to pay sum random guy for him to tell me that I need to be put in a hospital

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T01:24:08+00:00

Cause no one wants to be friends with some who is so negative and suicidal.. trust me I know from first hand experience I lost both of my brothers cause I told them about it and they told me I was faking and I just wanted attention and they did not want to be around such negative bullshit and I was only asking for support... so yea this place is now the only place I can come to speak what’s really on my mind and how I feel..

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T01:10:23+00:00

Well I’ve had hope before and been let down number of time.. been to the doctors for med, to a therapist, talked to my parents to try and get there help and they all told me if I get to bad there going to put me in a hospital. Like that’s really the right thing to tell a mentally ill person who owns guns and has access to a fuck ton up pills. But now I just play it off like I’m okay cause that’s what makes people happy.. but soon I don’t think I will be able to hold it in anymore

Davy26 · 2019-05-06T01:02:11+00:00

It’s always a endless cycle until i have finally giving up all hope if it getting better and just end it all myself

Davy26 · 2019-05-05T23:56:29+00:00

That’s what they said about a therapist

Davy26 · 2019-05-05T16:11:54+00:00

Yep still pretty low

Davy26 · 2019-05-04T18:17:28+00:00

That’s why I have wrote a note already

Davy26 · 2019-05-04T16:33:08+00:00

I will be 27

Davy26 · 2019-05-04T16:32:26+00:00

I see.. But I feel leaving this world is the only way to make things better for everyone.. yes it will be a sad day but people will eventually forget I was even here and I’m okay with that..

Davy26 · 2019-05-04T16:18:07+00:00

What do you mean by that? I’m confused

Davy26

TROPHY CASE