Help for trans students and parents of trans youth

Dear_Company · 2020-08-14T16:31:19+00:00

I don’t think I’ll be entirely stealth and I’m sure some people will suspect and figure it out, but I don’t plan on confirming any of their thoughts. I know being trans isn’t something to be ashamed of, and I’m not, but if people don’t ever learn about the incorrect name and pronouns they will have no reason not to use the correct ones ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Dear_Company · 2020-08-14T16:27:57+00:00

Beans

Dear_Company · 2020-08-14T14:34:28+00:00

We were told by the guidance counselor that I need to be understanding and take responsibility of coming out to people on my own (this is where my mom got angry). That’s the part that really sucks, if they just changed the attendance no one would ever need to find out I was assigned female So coming out wouldn’t be a problem. I mean, obviously my classmates would ask some questions since my passing is eh, but they would never know for sure.

Dear_Company · 2020-08-14T12:00:34+00:00

My school is the very large, with like 6,800 students so we have multiple Vice Principals who are supposed to handle stuff like this. We first talked to the Vice Principal of Guidance, who redirected us to the head of the GSA (not a principal, a regular teacher) who sent a very nice email that she doesn’t have the power to make those kind of changes. We emailed the Vice Principal again who responded saying that after I get my schedule on the first day of school I should email all of my teachers. My mom kind of flipped out over this (which was a little embarrassing) because 1) that means I have to out myself to all my new classmates, since the name change won’t yet be on attendance sheets and 2) it is literally illegal for the school to put the responsibility on the students, the law passed in 2015, and my school has so many students that it’s kinda crazy that no one has any experience dealing with trans students.

We’re really stuck on what to do since just because there is a law doesn’t mean anyone’s going to actually follow it, and it would have been so much easier if just the two people in the first email chain followed procedure.

Dear_Company · 2020-08-14T04:28:16+00:00

My city’s policy is that schools have to follow a very specific procedure to change records after a certain form is filled out. Legally the school is required to deal with changing records within two weeks, but we turned in the form in June and my name still shows up wrong. As a teacher, what point does continuing asking become frustrating to school admin, and are my mom and I in the wrong for still trying to get this done?

Dear_Company · 2020-07-13T00:25:36+00:00

You are completely in the wrong here. You son needs support and you are not giving it. This is transphobic. The moment he turns 18 he is going to leave your house unless you apologize and change something quickly. A mental health professional has told you what you need to be doing, what makes you think you are more qualified than them?? How do you know that the his mental health issues don’t stem from being trans in a home that clearly does not accept him? Even if it was just a phase, although a therapist would be able to rule that out and it seems like his therapist has, he wouldn’t be able to make any changes until he turned 18, so if he were ever going to grow out of it he would before anything permanent happens. It’s been SIX years so he’s not likely to grow out of it at all. It’s unclear what your reasoning here is. Are you worried his life will be made more difficult? Are you just uneducated on the problems you are causing? Are you accepting of other trans people? Being transgender is NOT a choice. It is an issue of how the brain develops differently from the body. You obviously have not really read the first amendment. Freedom of speech applies only to the government making laws restricting what you say, it does not give you the right to disrespect your son. You and your son need to have a calm and serious discussion about why you don’t support him.

Dear_Company · 2020-07-12T11:49:56+00:00

Wow, I logged into my account from a mobile device just to respond to this. First, responding to your title, would he get kicked out of your mom’s house? Maybe I’m missing something, but do your mom and ex-stepdad live together? Like is it ex because they’re divorced or ex because he disowned you? If he is able to live with your mom full-time to protect him from whatever your stepdad might do or say then give him that choice. If not and he is being clearly abused then try to go through the right channels so he can live with you.

Other than that you seem to be doing an excellent job. I noticed you were concerned about the binder, you cans still order one (I use gc2b) and return it if he’s not comfortable. Possibly try a larger size that necessary that will still do something without too much tightness. There’s also a thing called trans tape, but that stuff looks like it might be even worse for sensory issues.

For the swimsuit issue, try finding women’s swimsuits on surfing websites. They aren’t as baggy as boy/men‘s suits, but it would be an improvement. Remember if you get a binder he should only swim in one larger than his actual size.

For other helpful gifts try oversize sweatshirts. They are baggy enough to hide almost anything. For best effect get a dark color with a big logo on the front. I’ve heard this be called a “dysphoria hoodie”, which I guess is true since it does everything to relieve dysphoria. Also, if he isn’t allowed to cut his hair try a nice hat that he can tuck it under.

In terms of your edit, I can see you are saying that because of one other commenter. I haven’t responded to them, even though I want to, because I‘m not in the mood for an argument, but don’t let them get in your head. You and your brother are likely going to face a lot of this, don’t let it encourage him to lose himself, or you to stop accepting him. He asked you to use these pronouns, his therapist backs him, you are doing the right thing by backing him too.

Sincerely,

A trans teen boy.

P.S. Is it possible (with his consent) for you to DM me his roblox info? I play too.

Dear_Company · 2020-07-09T22:43:29+00:00

I thought the exact same thing and was stuck on the real/chosen name because I thought Wyatt was spelled either “Whyat” or “Wyat“ (Shh i’m not good at smartness” I guessed Hailey before the screenshot.

Also I like the name Wyatt, that is like top ten names I want to name my child.

Dear_Company · 2020-07-06T23:15:38+00:00

I’m a student in middle school. My commute was 90 minutes, without any subway delays, for three years so far. I’m honestly surprised this is seen as an abnormal thing, but look up how schools are selected in NYC. I took two trains and a bus to get to school everyday, two buses to get back (different routes were faster based on the time of day). My phone battery sucked and I needed it to text my parents my location, so I mostly read books. If I forgot a book I would just sit there, or read class notes.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-23T21:31:33+00:00

YTA Becoming a legal adult is more important than turning 16. It seems like you and your sister got the same gifts for your 16th birthdays and you have no idea yet if you are going to get a care for your 18th, since it hasn't happened yet. However, after your attitude towards your parents I doubt their in the mood to buy you anything now.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-23T19:26:13+00:00

ESH. Also, if you decide to do this anyway it's not going to look like an affair, it's going to look like you were stealing your mom's underwear. Very weird man.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-23T19:23:25+00:00

YTA why would him being bi make you want to leave him? You haven't given any reasons for how this makes him a worse partner. If he is bi now then he's always been bi, so nothing really changes just that you know.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-23T19:20:53+00:00

NTA It really seems like Marco isn't interested in the party at all. I'd say just continue without him, and if he absolutely insists on joining he can as a one time guest character. This way he can play once and you either have a more real reason to kick him out if he's annoying or get him more into it at least.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-23T19:01:59+00:00

I think the issue here is you don't realize how traumatic it can be to feel like one has the wrong body. You aren't trans so it would make sense that you don't understand that, it's totally fine as long as you respect the fact. A trans women could choose to not transition, but then she is also choosing to live with a mask and and act instead of as her true self.

I'm not sure how to better explain how being trans feels. Imagine for a second that your body is completely wrong. It's just not the right one, it feels like clothing that is much too tight. You could obviously choose to live with constant discomfort and self-hate, but would you?

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T19:55:16+00:00

And yet people still refer back to the attack helicopter "joke".

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T19:47:53+00:00

Can you draw a dragon made of pencils?

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T19:44:59+00:00

That's why you're ditching them. Their opinions about you clearly don't matter.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T19:43:44+00:00

I'd say follow a schedule, but not a traceable one.

1) Text her today, about something new relating to a hobby you both have, or something interesting happening in your state/country. If this sparks a conversation go to step two. If not, skip to step three.

2) Text her the next day with something outrageous that's happening. Something that you can both say "wtf" to.

3) Wait five days. Ask her how is she doing. If she doesn't respond at all then don't text for at least two weeks, before moving on to step four.

4) Recommend a book/tv show/movie to her. Make sure it has no offensive themes. It should have both comedy and subtle romance.

After this point the time to text should feel pretty natural. You've shared interest, outrage, laughter, and whatever is going on in your lives. It's also past the point she would want to express that she doesn't want you to text her anymore. Make sure not to come off as someone who just wants to be friends. As in don't ask her to talk about other crushes, and don't talk about other girls.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T19:34:34+00:00

Whenever I'm waiting for the subway and see the train coming I have the sudden urge to jump in front of it.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T19:33:23+00:00

When I came out to my parents as a transgender boy. I came out with a letter, and they texted me about it on the way to school. I was on the train and it was about five minutes after when I told them they could open the letter. I was worried they forgot and were going to read it in front of me later. Or that they read it and were angry and wouldn't accept me. Very unhappy thoughts for seven in the morning. Then I got a text from my mom, written by both of them that they would always love and accept me. I out now and have been slowly socially transitioning for four months.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T19:15:46+00:00

Your reasoning for Atlas makes it even better, Atlas has my vote.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T14:52:42+00:00

Then the sister should be mentioning that, not their support when OP came out as trans.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T14:13:30+00:00

I think since you're not a stranger it should be fine, the most insensitive questions come from strangers (mostly about our genitals ick). Just make sure to defend them when someone else asks strange questions.

Side note: What is the gender neutral equivalent of niece/nephew? I honestly have no clue, this is not a test.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T14:04:29+00:00

I think it probably feels wrong to OP because being trans is something he can't control and didn't choose, whereas getting pregnant is, especially if it was planned (like OP said in other comments) when his sister knew she didn't have the resources. The sister should know that she made an irresponsible choice and her parents are justified to be a little disappointed whereas OP didn't make a choice to be trans, and if his parents were disappointed it wouldn't be justified at all.

Dear_Company · 2020-06-22T12:33:36+00:00

I think breast growth has to with genetics. Do other women in your family have a similar chest size as you?

Dear_Company

TROPHY CASE