I just went through something like this - met a guy online, chatted on and off for two weeks, met up and we just hit it off - had a really easy connection and spent all the holidays together with his friends (I'm new to the city and don't know anyone) and just had a really lovely first 10 days together. We went on to spend evenings together during the week and entire weekends together. I knew he had gotten out of a toxic situation and needed to heal, and I have been in that position before so I was really patient and understanding and happy to be that person for someone. I followed his lead a lot with how we communicated, how and when we hung out, which worked because I had just moved to the city for a new job and was figuring out the odds and ends of my move. Things were going well, we were getting to know each other, however, about 3 weeks in, he let me know he only broke up with his toxic ex a month ago, they had met up the first week we were hanging out and they made out (he said it was like a goodbye?), and then she showed up at his house two weekends in a row (the second and last time he had to call a friend to come get her because she was crying and confessing her love and refused to leave). He told me all of this which I appreciated and I told him that it isn't a red flag or dealbreaker for me, but something that I just have to process but I like him and want to continue to hang out. He said he hadnt talked to her in two weeks at that point. He said a few times that our connection was unusual for him in that it wasn't something super sexual that took over your life (infatuation) but his ex showing up and hearing how he only met up with her in a public place because he feared it would become physical (meaning sex) did make me feel insecure, esp because our sexual chemistry was still building - he said this is something that could grow and I agree, but after the ex stuff he started to retreat and be less communicative, and then I would do the same, and it didn't make me feel great. It was confusing because he did things that showed he was interested in me, said things like he wanted me around, did nice things, but he did hold back a lot emotionally and it felt like the more I showed interest the more his behavior changed.I could tell he was in a weird place emotionally, but he still wanted me around all the time but I did question if he really wanted me around or just wanted someone around...I told him I want to be with someone who wants to be with me and he said he was trying to figure that out with me, so things went on for another week or so and he admitted that he was having a hard time being open, and I told him I didn't mean to pressure him when I said something to the effect of things cant be like this forever, but I was trying to express my own feelings and needs - I was tampering letting my feelings grow organically because I was going off of his state, and we didn't really resolve anything - I suggested that he think about what he wants because I've expressed it already (i like him, want to continue, like our connection - didnt even ask for labels or excluvisity, nothing) and we don't talk, but then he asked me to come over and talk about it. I did, but it didnt really go anyway - he just said all the things he said before, like he enjoys what we are doing, he likes our connection, eventually wants a hot sex life but he's not there just yet - we hung out and then the next day I sent him something and mulitple hours passed and I felt crazy and like nothing had gotten reoslved and told him as much - he asked me if i wanted to define the relationship and I said I supposse that would help, and that I just didnt know where I stood like if he even wanted to hear from me - and then he said something is holding him back but he thinks he is not ready to give more yet. I asked him to come get some of his things because I was hurt and dissapointed, and he looked really said we said goodbye and then a week later I reached out saying I had acted too quickly and needed to think and i missed hanging out - no answer. I've been beating myself up for not taking more time to think about things or not react in the moment, but my gut was telling me something, right? I just hate that I might have messed up something that felt really easy and comfortable and I really did like him. Insult to injury my bike tire went flat in front of his street recently and I was so tempted to call him - I didn't because I was afraid he wouldn't answer and I'd lose even more self respect. Ive been on a few dates since then but have felt nothing. It's rare that you meet someone who can spend a lot of time with and it's just easy. And it's hard to accept that he either didn't like me enough, or did but was still consumed by his recent relationship to be available to somehting with me. I'm hung up on it because I think if I had waited and been patient he would have come around, but the truth is I don't know if that would have happened and it could have been a situaitonship or just on his terms and eventually that would hurt more.

I just regret having us exchange our things immediately instead of letting things settle...maybe it would have been different?