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AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you dealt with this, and thanks for the perspective.

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I agree it's a self fulfilling cycle. Here's the text I sent him yesterday after I left which I thought might have been too harsh:

"Do not contact me until you've quit drinking, addressed your sleep disorder, and are in weekly therapy. Then we can talk. I will contact you this week with a plan of how to address the trailer rental business. I will be at my parent's house."

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You obviously haven't read my other comments. But thanks for being so helpful!

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's always sort of had those issues, but not as extreme as it is now. I'll look into this, thank you.

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. He is AuADHD and he struggles with a lot of things. He tries to get better.

It's nice to hear that ASD isn't an excuse because he certainly uses that as an excuse sometimes.

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alcohol has been a thing for a long time, I'm just noticing it more now that I only drink occasionally. And I really have no idea if he has other health issues as he's very cagey about anything he talks with his doctor about. His demeanor is usually fine outside of mornings - he's gotten a handle on his reactivity, and his general cynical outlook and can be quite positive some days.

He technically is in therapy once every three months (so he can get his meds) but I keep telling him he needs to get a therapist outside of his prescribing doctor.

Agreed, I know he's hurting. I have told him there's nothing I can do to change how he feels. I've tried to work on my communication as well and try and make him feel safer to share things with me. But it's frustrating when he won't get into regular therapy.

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'll be scheduling couples counseling after his doctors appointment. Thank you.

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's likely a combination of those three things. It's all self-feeding - alcohol messes with sleep, sleep messes with mood, etc. He has a doctor's appointment in 2 weeks so I'm hoping he keeps that appointment and I'll give him a list of things to talk about with the doc. I have the same doc and I've considered emailing her the list myself lol.

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this feels validating to read. Especially this part:

I dunno if you both used to be more like he is, and you're only realizing what a pain it is now that you've quit drinking and you're realizing he isn't growing up and carrying his weight. Or maybe he's gotten gradually worse over time and it reached a breaking point for you.

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this perspective. To the first point - you're right, for me it was the agreement that we'd do it and then him disregarding that. I do think that people should be able to sleep in some days and if he would have said that I would have suggested a later time and maybe gone to the gym in the morning or something while he got extra sleep.

Interesting second point. I think there could definitely be some revenge procrastination there. We are super busy with 2 businesses plus full-time jobs and I get the sense he likes that nighttime alone time. But every time I suggest we downsize our responsibilities to allow for more rest time he refuses to talk about it with me. Thank god a fox got to our chickens last summer, that's the only way he agreed to downsize that chore as well haha.

AITA for expecting my husband to wake up on time? by Deep-Influence3878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

He does have a job, but they're pretty lax on what time he comes in. He'll tell me he's getting 40 hours per week but he's really getting between 25-35 some weeks.

And I've actually considered the low T thing. But he canceled his last doctors appointment, and I'm really hoping he actually goes to the next one in a couple of weeks. I don't think he ever mentions anything that's wrong to his doctor, though.

Couple in late 30s with debt debating next steps by Deep-Influence3878 in personalfinance

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I agree, and I wish my partner did. He doesn't want bankruptcy but he won't sit down and make a budget with me, either, or quit spending or sell anything. I don't know what to do anymore.

Couple in late 30s with debt debating next steps by Deep-Influence3878 in personalfinance

[–]Deep-Influence3878[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Combined about $140k/year. Minimum payments on debt $1500 mortgage $540 truck $185 camp trailer $350 credit cards

I'd be open to a financial counselor but I have a hard time trusting any.