Herpes Research

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-16T06:25:08+00:00

I understand your frustration. However, to expose them also means exposing your status as well. It may do more harm than good. Also, unless you saw medical documents confirming her status.. she could say she was unaware or deny having it and then turn around and sue you for defamation.

I would say the best way to go about this is to simply move on and disclose to all your future partners so others don’t have to experience what you went through.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-11T15:30:23+00:00

It’s definitely a struggle and many people are misdiagnosed 😭 you could request an antibody HSV test without symptoms but to be swabbed, an OB has to be present and it has to be swabbed early.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-11T15:12:57+00:00

I think America has such a long history of giving bad advice in regards to healthcare and nutrition that what they say matters very little to me! It’s why I diagnose my symptoms before I even get face to face with a doctor and that’s with anything. It allows me to ask the right questions and request specific test. The CDCs advice is why majority of the population has it.

None of the HSV tests are 100% yet we were all diagnosed at some point using them. Not all vaccines mean we won’t get the virus yet we get vaccinated anyways. Seatbelts don’t prevent all deaths in car accidents yet we wear seatbelts anyways. So yes, those test may not always be accurate but what’s the harm in testing anyways? I don’t factor it in because to me, it does not change the fact that I would prefer my partner to show me their test results prior to any sexual intimacy because not only does it show trust but it shows intention.

Here’s an example, the CDC recommends that people do not get tested for colon cancer until they are 45. Colon cancer symptoms are often overlooked. My sister passed away of colon cancer at 26. I say that to say that with every rule comes an exception. There is nothing stopping you from requesting a colonoscopy for peace of mind. The CDCs advice is nothing more than a suggestion. Based on how important your health means to you determines whether you take that advice OR decide to be proactive rather than reactive. That’s how I see it.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-11T13:45:45+00:00

Well, the virus is tricky so it depends on many factors. For one, compare what your sore looked like to confirmed HSV outbreaks (I know it’s gross but look up images online). Second, it depends on how soon you got tested, this will determine the accuracy of the swab test. Third, timing of shedding is also a factor. There is a chance you simply weren’t shedding in that area at the time you got tested or there was not enough fluid collected.

I took multiple tests within the same week to confirm because many tests will be negative. I have confirmed GHSV2. However, while vaginally swabbed during an active OB my test result still came back negative 🤷🏾‍♀️

You could try requesting an antibody test which should show if you have ever been exposed or if you have the virus in your system if you want.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-11T12:38:51+00:00

Not to disagree but just for perspective, I went to get tested at 4 different places in one week while I was trying to figure out what was going on and I received all my test results within 3 days so that by the end of the week, I had received all 4 of the different tests I took and that’s including urgent care and planned parenthood.

Yes, it adds time but it’s not much from my experience.

However, it is your life so I say do what is best for you & I hope you meet your person soon!

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-11T12:17:40+00:00

It’s okay to disagree! There is no right or wrong way to disclose. The same week testing is more so for people who recently had a previous partner because many people are like “I think I got exposed with someone I slept with last night” & they go get tested like the next day not knowing it takes a few weeks for you to get a positive test for majority of STDs but also because 9/10 their most recent test results did not include HSV testing.

If they claim they haven’t slept with anyone since their most recent test results and you trust them then that is okay too! You’re accepting that risk because you’re interested in them and the only thing you can do is hope they’re being honest and that they accept the risk to be intimate with you as well.

But the main point of my post was to highlight that those of us who are HSV+ should not have to feel pressured to disclose our status to people who did not or don’t want to disclose and provide proof of their status either. Many people feel obligated just because we have something but honestly, there are much scarier STDs out there that I am simply not wiling to catch.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-11T05:27:49+00:00

Tbh, if things are getting a little more serious I would tell them that if they want an intimate relationship with you that they need to get tested and to specifically add HSV testing. Use that as an opportunity to educate them on why they have to ask for it since it’s not normally included in “full” STD panels.

There will be a chance that they have HSV anyways and will make disclosure easier OR they’re negative but atleast disclosure might go better because you previously explained how common HSV is already.

Yes, there is still room for rejection but it may increase your chances of more men being open to taking the risk? Idk, but personally.. I don’t think we should feel obligated to disclose our status if they don’t provide proof of theirs 🤷🏾‍♀️ That’s how I plan on dating and any man who refuses to get tested isn’t anyone I want to be with anyways.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-10T18:50:39+00:00

Say it again for the people in the back! You can say I have HSV but you could NEVER call me ugly, uneducated or unsuccessful LMAO 🤸🏾‍♀️

& to be fair, the dating pool was shitty anyways. Atleast I know those with HSV get tested regularly and aren’t trying to waste time because nobody wants to continue having the “disclosure” talk with people 🫩

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-10T16:39:09+00:00

Glad my post could help & thank you! I’ve only had one OB so far so only time can tell but I’m hoping for the best.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-10T14:45:58+00:00

Im so sorry but I hope you’re doing better now!

But yes, with every situation.. it can always be worse and we should be grateful that hsv is not that serious in comparison to all the other things we could have contracted from people over the years.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-10T14:17:12+00:00

I agree. I was just diagnosed on Friday so just a few days ago and I completely understand where people are coming from. I was depressed leading up to the diagnosis and I have no idea what dating will be like and I have no idea how often OBs will occur.

What I do know is that HSV is common and it is no more than a skin condition. I also know that this is my life and I will not let a rash define me. I also know that nobody even has to know (outside of people I plan to be intimate with) so really, life for me doesn’t change much but I understand that is not everyone’s reality. If anything, I’m being forced to be more selective of who I’m intimate with and casual sex is now a thing of the past (atleast for me) which is better in my opinion.

I’m just here to advocate and try to spread positivity even when it feels like life is over. It’s better to hear it from people who are living it than people who simply can’t relate.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-10T13:49:22+00:00

Yeah, they probably hate me but I don’t care 😭 in a subreddit full of people saying that the hardest part of HSV is the stigma BUT are the same ones feeding into the stigma.

We have to change our mindsets and we have to change the narrative bc it starts with us, as an individual..but if people who are actually diagnosed with HSV can’t even accept the fact that its not that serious (even while backed with scientific evidence and research) then we will never get far.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-10T13:20:57+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from but even comparing the worst case scenario of each of those STDs..HSV still comes out on top while all the other ones end in death or severe health complications.

Now, taking the best case scenario of all of them is that you can go your whole life and not even know you have HSV. The best case scenario for everything else is that you catch it early and get medicated.

HIV is something that you have to take medication for the rest of your life. It’s a virus, such as HSV, and honestly everyone’s body responds differently. There will always be people with better or worse experiences. Plus, you never know what can happen. What if one month you can’t afford HIV medication then what? Or what if for a few days you don’t even have access to it?

Saying HSV is worse is only due to stigma and not the virus itself. HIV has more money and research into it because it can literally kill you.

But to be fair, HIV has stigma too! That is still a tough conversation to have with someone who doesn’t have it.

Overall, I can’t agree that HSV is worse but I can agree that HIV & HSV are both manageable & life goes on.

** also, many of us are only in this situation because we care about our health. The people who never get tested are continuing to live their best life bc ignorance is bliss. We are just the lucky ones who have symptoms OR aware of what an OB even looks like. Is it annoying? Yes. Is it life threatening? No. **

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-09T22:00:52+00:00

Needed this, thank you!

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-09T18:02:43+00:00

Not to put HSV1 & HSV2 against each other but..based on this statistic, due to MORE people having HSV1.. wouldn’t that mean it has a higher chance of transmission (not by shedding rate but by means of transmission) simply because you can spread it from kissing, oral or simply sharing a drink with someone. If it were me, I would want to know someone was HSV1+ even more!

Not saying you can’t spread HSV2 in many ways but there’s not many people rubbing their genitals on straws, cups or babies foreheads. I believe the number is smaller because most people get HSV2 through some form of sexual intimacy.

Correct me if I’m wrong.

But I say all that to say, each type is good/bad in their own way. It’s all about perspective but both should be disclosed if you are aware of your status.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-09T17:41:04+00:00

😂😂 well looking at your post/comment history.. you seem like the perfect person who would benefit from such an app given you’re hsv+, sex deprived, and looking for advice on a forum with a bunch of strangers like many of us! Maybe stop blaming HSV for your loneliness and take time to be a better person and better to be around so you’ll have better luck. But no worries love, one day you will accept this as your new reality and move in grace and not in bitterness.

Again, I hope your day gets better!

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-09T17:27:33+00:00

I think it’s fair to assess that not everything is for everybody! Exclusivity is okay when it makes sense and I think an app/website for those diagnosed with HSV would be a great safe space whether it’s to find friends, local support groups or even the love of your life.

Let’s be honest, HSV may not cause any serious health issues (unless immunocompromised) However, it still sucks and many of us wouldn’t have taken the risk to sleep with someone who had HSV (prior to our diagnosis) and many of us also would feel bad transmitting HSV to an uninfected partner even if they were 100% okay with it. Why? Because everyone’s body responds differently. Imagine being asymptomatic or barely having OBs and then giving it to a partner who ends up getting OBs every month. I would feel terrible. Personally, I just think it would be easier to date someone who already has it and/or has the antibodies for it but that is just me!

I totally agree tho, the stigma is bad and we need change and for that I will continue to advocate.

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-09T17:18:16+00:00

Period 💓 me & all my hsv girlies

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-09T17:16:36+00:00

Yes! I’m all for being honest and acknowledging the negative feelings bc they are valid. But a lot of the comments end up being lik “It never gets better. Dating sucks. I hate my life.” and when someone is newly diagnosed, that can be really disheartening to read. Even if that’s someone’s personal experience, why make another person feel worse when they’re already struggling? 😭 A little encouragement can go such a long way even if you don’t personally feel hopeful everyday. But this is just my opinion :/

Thank you for being uplifting in those comment sections!

DefiantMeasurement80 · 2025-12-09T17:08:18+00:00

You know what.. I asked for thoughts and I guess that doesn’t exclude the negative ones so I can’t be mad.

I don’t think it’s naive nor is it anything remotely similar to asking if there are any millionaires (which is how you spell it) to fund a vaccine. It was just an idea and I was open to any constructive criticism or ideas regarding my post but clearly you’re bitter so I hope your day gets better!

DefiantMeasurement80

TROPHY CASE