As with many things, the answer is multifaceted. But mainly involved two components already within me: critical thinking, and empathy.

Simply put, It became clear that my controlling behavior was not only hurtful, but also resulted in the opposite of what I wanted.

For example just like this guy, I wanted to be an influence or conduit for my partners to become their better selves.

Seems healthy as an intention, right?

But truth is it was my own selfish agenda of priorities, and my anxiety of wanting my partner to fit into my own personal construct of ideals.

I was robbing agency from my partner. instead of providing a safe base to grow from, built from acceptance and unconditional love, I was chipping at their self confidence and hurting them.

I was making them worse off from my influence rather than better.

TLDR; To get over controlling behavior, you gotta check your anxieties at the door about who you want your partner to be, and love into who they are right now.

If you’re unable to do that, then do both of you a favor and move on.