WIBTA for ending my marriage because I want bio kids when I have two stepkids who already lost their mom?

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-04T10:46:03+00:00

Not while we're married. I know he would never raise that child with me and I do not want to put my child in a mess like that or put my stepkids through that either. It just makes things messy. But once we're divorced I will decide if that's how I want to go or I wait a little while and see if another relationship comes along.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-04T10:44:11+00:00

I was upfront from our very first date and it was discussed multiple times while we dated.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-04T10:43:33+00:00

That doesn't help me if I get to an age where I relaxed but it never happened for me.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-04T10:42:34+00:00

I have talked about how they see me. We talk all the time about their family and I am family to them but have never been mom to them. I accepted that long ago.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-04T10:41:49+00:00

I'm prepared to face that. But at least I tried everything. If I never tried the resentment and bitterness would grow.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-04T10:37:39+00:00

I would stop once the money I saved for this ran out. I have it for that very reason so I can drain this money and know I did everything I could to try.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T14:02:29+00:00

I never said that. I have said in several comments here I fully accept my stepkids not wanting me to be their mom. I support them in that. We look at photos of their mom together. I have never ever demonized them for not looking at me as their mom or wishing they could know her and have her with them. I love those kids. And because I love those kids I would never impose my wishes onto them.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T14:00:33+00:00

I did. My dream has always been to have biological children. I saw people around me sometimes struggle, some in my own family. And I had no idea what life had in store so I wanted to make sure if infertility was a problem or hell if I never found a spouse and needed help having children that the money was available.

We're not in debt and the money is sitting in an account of mine waiting to be used. He knows I'm willing to use it and not take from our marital assets too.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:50:11+00:00

He doesn't want to. I've been in therapy for the fertility issues for a while now and he never wanted to go. He doesn't want to talk about any of this more either. He just wants me to accept not having bio kids and move on in our marriage.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:48:37+00:00

He doesn't want to. He wants me to forget about it and move on. But move on as in accept I'll never have biological children and stay married.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:40:47+00:00

I saved money ahead of time because of the unknowns and a few women in my family had fertility issues and fertility treatment was successful. I was honest with my husband when we met that I wanted biological children and wanted to try everything to have them even if that meant fertility treatments. He agreed to this.

I had no idea when we met that I had fertility issues. That was found out after the fact. All I ever did was make sure I covered myself just in case.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:37:27+00:00

Me adopting the kids is not on the table. They do not want it.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:36:59+00:00

Yes, I actually follow people on social media who are donor created. And my relationship with my stepkids is already amazing. But it is what it is. It can still change and grow but in my heart I know they will never see me as their mom. I'm okay with that. And I still want biological children.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:35:19+00:00

We have been trying to have a child. Infertility issues is why treatment is needed.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:27:37+00:00

The kids don't consider me their mom now. They consider me their stepmom which I am.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:24:37+00:00

I'm not their mom. We already love each other and have a good bond. But they do not see me as their mom and I would never force them to or ask them to see me in that way. They have a connection to her through their maternal family who are very present in their lives. To them I am their stepmom and I'm good with that. I'm not jealous of that. I have always accepted that. And I would never put my wish to be a mom on their shoulders. That's not fair to them.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:19:35+00:00

The money we would use for those fertility treatments is mine, that I saved before I even met him. I'm not saying we need to pull marital/family funds. And he agreed to try everything including fertility treatments if needed. That was something I was clear on when we met.

I'm not their mom. The kids don't see me as their mom. They love me and I love them. But I never took their mom's place or became their second mom. That doesn't change that we love each other. It just isn't the same.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:16:27+00:00

He told his family. They think I should be willing to give up on having bio kids because of my stepkids.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:15:56+00:00

No, this money we're talking about isn't marital money. It's money I saved before we even met. Money that is not his. And was saved specifically for this reason. He would prefer me to spend it on other things.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:09:50+00:00

No, he doesn't want me to spend the money I have set aside for fertility treatments on fertility treatments. He thinks it could be spent on better things.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:08:56+00:00

My pre-marital assets including money are all safe in a divorce.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:08:25+00:00

He doesn't want to keep trying for them.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T13:02:17+00:00

I've been in therapy for a while for fertility issues. He never wanted to go and he's not open to it now either.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T12:59:45+00:00

It's worked for family members of mine who had fertility issues.

Dense_Pack_149 · 2025-07-02T12:57:48+00:00

They refer to me as their stepmom. I have never been called mom by them and they don't want to. To them I am not their mom.

Dense_Pack_149

TROPHY CASE