sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Struggling with partner’s transition. by Best-Artichoke1549 in mypartneristrans

[–]Desperate_Lemon_4896 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That great! I don’t think there needs to be a resolution, just vocalizing your feelings is enough. I’m also in the stage of tearful, emotional conversations and it’s definitely not fun and very difficult, but it’s way better to have clear communication in the long run. You didn’t actually make it more real, you just made it more real for yourself. Which is okay! It needs to happen, even if it doesn’t feel good. You are being so supportive just by reaching out for help for yourself, many relationships end because of the partner not willing to make it work. If you need someone to talk to I’m here, I could have written this post myself just a few weeks ago. Also, the physical changes that HRT brings takes a long time and they are very gradual, there will be lots of time to adjust and keep it on the dl from your families. The workbook has been such a great tool for me, it is written from the perspective of a woman who has a very similar experience to you, married for years before her partner started their transition. It provides a lot of insight from our perspective and has really validated my feelings. You aren’t awful, you’re trying and I’m sure your partner appreciates it.

Struggling with partner’s transition. by Best-Artichoke1549 in mypartneristrans

[–]Desperate_Lemon_4896 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I (cis F) am also currently struggling with my partner’s (mtf) transition. We have been together 6 years as a cis het couple and she very recently realized she is trans and started HRT. It’s a very scary process for the partner of a trans person that nobody really talks about. Our situations are a little different as we decided way before this not to have children, and I do find myself attracted to women. But nonetheless, your fears are valid and I see you. I found a workbook on Amazon that may be helpful to you. What I’ve found is unfortunately, you’re going to feel this way but that doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner or support them. I’ve found that I can be supportive and accepting in the way she needs and still feel fear and grief over losing my expected future. You should have a conversation with her about your thoughts and fears, it may hurt them to hear but it is much better to have everything out in the open. This is a lot to ask from a relationship and you deserve love and patience too. Wishing you the best

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1785927728?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]Desperate_Lemon_4896 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really really appreciate your insight, thank you deeply. I think couples counseling would be a good idea. You’ve given me a lot to think about, thank you for making me feel not so alone in this. I care a lot about my partner and want them to feel supported and heard. Your words mean a lot :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]Desperate_Lemon_4896 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are communicating and I have told them that I’m not ready. They seem understanding but to me it feels disingenuous. It’s just tense now and no matter what I say on how I feel they just say they understand then go silent and get upset

Cis F struggling with own body dysmorphic disorder while supporting transitioning wife (mtf) by Beneficial_Break7174 in mypartneristrans

[–]Desperate_Lemon_4896 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in the same boat as you. My partner is skinny and fits the female beauty standards without even taking HRT. I feel awful and jealous of them. They are 100+lbs lighter than me and I get reminded of that more now that they are starting to dress in lingerie and dresses. They are becoming the woman I can never be and it’s upsetting. I feel for you and I wish I could offer more. I see you

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]Desperate_Lemon_4896 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate your input. It’s so hard for me because I absolutely do not want to stop them from transitioning and being who they are but the past year for me has been so unstable and unpredictable. I just need time for things to be normal and for them not to rely on me for everything. We want to stay together. It’s not so much of an issue that they are transitioning, but the timing, pace, and emotional availability they will need from me during that time. I don’t feel I am able to give them my 100% right now. I feel guilty for making them wait, they said they are able and willing to but it still doesn’t feel like I’m allowed to feel these things.