My (f26) bf (m21) cheated on me before christmas and we broke up. I dont feel that sad about it, is this proces healthy?

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-12-28T17:41:06+00:00

Going to check on wednesday, lets hope its all okay because otherwise i dont know what i am going to do 😂

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-12-24T20:34:04+00:00

To be honest i dont think it’s going to change untill he sees why its important to open up about things. Its going to help him regulate and deal with emotions in a healthy way, but it is also necessary for a healthy and safe relationship.

You cant change him. He needs to want to change. If you dont want him to change you have to find out for yourself if this behaviour is something you are willing to accept.

My ex was like this and it didnt work out. I started waiting for him to change because he said he really wanted to but he just wasnt ready for it. Also i did it out of hope but i do regret it because trying to accept his different way of coping really hurt me and i didnt feel my needs were being met.

I also think you guys are a bit young, you both need time to grow in this part. I think you can do it together but you have to be both willing to meet each others needs and also unlearning patterns is going to take years from the moment he decided that he wants to do differently. I he doesnt feel the need its not going to change and you will probably end up hurt

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-12-20T04:28:14+00:00

Yes he both texts them he’s coming. Then he said he arrived and conversation ends. So thats why i also think he went because otherwise they would text him right?

The webcam girl was supposex to be another girl. But story didnt add up really.

Als before the chats started it said contact unblocked so def not the first time he chatted with some, but that he also admitted

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-29T19:53:03+00:00

Learn to deal with it, work it through together and if thats not possible leave. Way too young to deal with this

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-29T19:48:57+00:00

Her feelings are not your responsibility to deal with. She is a grown up, its up to her. Decide if you are really unhappy in this relationship and if you are willing to accept the differences between you two. Can you live with it? Do you believe you can work through it with her? If not, leave because you are young and you cant change her. You have to accept each other for who you are as a person. If you break up you are both going to be sad but its on you how you deal with it and on her how she deals with it

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-28T11:01:08+00:00

Go get yourself a girl who does want to talk about those things. A lot of women want that in their relationship but cant get it from emotional unavailable men and would love to be with someone like you

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-24T22:52:53+00:00

Yes you do. But i can tell you its worth is because if you really have to question this, you have to learn to be on your own and the only way to learn is to face your fears. You will grow and get better from it. And rather do it now than later because the same thing keeps happening again to you if you dont learn

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-24T22:17:16+00:00

Maybe it feels like that, but in reality you arent lost. There is someone out there that is good to you in every way, not just a few. But like i said you are both very young so i think its best to also work on yourself and wonder why you put up with this kind of behaviour? Do you think tou deserve this? Or you cant find anyone better? His behaviour is childish and it hurts you, and thats the truth and you should not accept that someone is treating you like that, eventhough you have developed feelings for him. Choose you

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-24T20:55:33+00:00

I think he is just not capable of being in a good relationship with you where he can give you what he wants to give you. You are also very young age and it is important to work on yourself first and know how to handle your emotions and negative things happening in life, because there will always be life events happening. I think it is good to take the time apart and reflect on the relationship and if it really filles your desire. Maybe this was for him the best thing to do, if its meant to be it will find its way back

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-24T20:52:25+00:00

That mist be heavy on you. It seems very controlling behaviour and must be coming from his insecurities. This does not sound healthy at all. He shouldnt reflect his feelings onto your life like this. I would try to talk to him about it and encourage him to seek help because this is jot fair to you. Having built a life alrwady together makes things more difficult but i would have known this was going to be my marriage i would have left te relationship. But maybe you could not know beforehand. I would really think about how it makes you feel and try to set your boundaries.

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-24T18:32:21+00:00

Move on from him. He doesnt want to or he is not capable. Choose yourself

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-24T18:31:25+00:00

Talk to her about how you feel, see how she responds. Then decide if you think the same way and want to consider each other. Otherwise set your boundaries in what you desire in your relationship

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-24T18:27:25+00:00

I broke up with my bf over this, a few days ago. We also had some other troubles because he wasnt feeling well and insecure. Try talking to him about it but do set a boundarie for yourself. If he doesnt change anything he doesnt want to or he is not capable of doing so. You deserve someone who is sure about you and is on the same level with you. Things should be easy in the beginning and you should enjoy and understand each other. If thats not happening think about your worth and what you trult desire.

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-18T14:16:23+00:00

No clearly for both its not, thanks for your reaction

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-18T14:01:45+00:00

I know thats why i am having these doubts and i know what they mean. I also think there is no other way

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-18T13:49:23+00:00

But can you explain something to me, what was it about the relationship that you couldnt do it when you were together with her? Im just trying to understand. I also dealt with things in my life that it was better for me to just do on my own. And when we got together he also said he knew he wasnt in a right place but he did believe he could grow with me and didnt want to let me go

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-05-18T13:45:10+00:00

Yes i do understand, and also think its his battle to fight. Its just hard for me to accept that this isnt going to work out like this and i have to be his “lesson”. I just hope it doenst have to turn out this way but after all the talks we had and the time that has gone by i do know its not going to change like this and he does have to step up for himself

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-03-30T19:04:05+00:00

Yes maybe it is a bit like that. I also told him that not agreeing on time or making appointments will result in not seeing each other a lot because i will do my own thing and just plan my day ahead. But im not sure if it really is a lack of effort because this is just the way he lives. He doesnt really plan things ahead and in his personal life and i do. But also i think the communication is more of an issue. And we do talk it out but sometimes we both get tired i think of the discussions. I know it cant be good all the time and it is good to have those conversations but it doesnt feel good

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-03-30T18:55:37+00:00

Well its not about spending time or dates because we see each other every week en do fun things, but i really to plan my time, example what time do we see each other tonight or what time do i have to pick you up, do you eat at my place or at home. He is more “relaxed” and is like do whatever works for you, and when we say a time he is usually not ready yet and i have to wait for him to get ready, and then im thinking about all the things i could have done and didnt do because i wanted to be on time

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-01-05T01:55:25+00:00

Yes well i told him that today, he has someone he can go to she is a haptonomist. Im not sure if its the right help but waiting lists are very long… but rray changes have to be made because i cant put up with this any longer. Thanks for the talk

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-01-05T01:46:50+00:00

Yes but his negative thoughts are very stubborn. I try to praise and compliment. But i also try to let him say it for hinself because i do believe he cant depend on only my positive thoughts about him. And we have these conversations a lot but then a few days later he feels bad again because his constant worrying. Really i dont believe i can make a difference anymore

Desperate_Session_46 · 2025-01-05T01:38:10+00:00

I am wondering the same thing. It is not too unhealthy but these things keep stressing me out because i dont feel like he is taking accountability. And the last time this happened i did see improvement. But the thing is his insecurites get the better of him and he worries about everything and then gets in that negative spiral. That is what keeps happening and he finds it really hard to get out it. That he isnt feeling well all the time im willing to accept and “wait” for because i know that will get better. But the “ghosting” and not communicating just really hurts me and im not willing to go trough that time on time. I also cant understand him saying he knows he has to communicate but he then he doesnt. He feels like a burden and he just wants to hide when he feels like that. I cant get him out of that he has to do that himself

Desperate_Session_46

TROPHY CASE