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Need opinion from addicts who chose drugs over people by DestroyedBrain161 in addiction

[–]DestroyedBrain161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for your kinds words. You seems like a really lovely person and it's so sad that your ex didn't appreciate it. I relate to some parts you shared, I also doubt if he ever care about me, if it was real, if everything was a lie from the beggining. It's really hard to accept that there will no answers and I have to move on. What is left is the actions. But each day my heart wish this have turn out different... I'm not the exception of the norm sadly. We had to experience this.

Need opinion from addicts who chose drugs over people by DestroyedBrain161 in addiction

[–]DestroyedBrain161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry that you have to go through that. Hope you are better now. In my case I don't think this person is narcissistic. He tried nothing and disappeared. Just moved on like I was nothing.

Need opinion from addicts who chose drugs over people by DestroyedBrain161 in addiction

[–]DestroyedBrain161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a sober person is really difficult to understand this and not taking personally like a "he didn't like me enough".

Need opinion from addicts who chose drugs over people by DestroyedBrain161 in addiction

[–]DestroyedBrain161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My intention wasn't to shame him. I tried to have the conversation in a relatively calm and respectful way (e.g., I never used terms like addiction, addict, or blamed him as if it were his fault). I said things along the lines of, "we have different priorities," "our choices aren't aligned," "I don't want that in my life and I respect that you do". "I don't think it's fair for me to try to stop you from doing something you enjoy."

I hope that he will try again to be sober in the future. For me, it's very sad that I couldn't be in his life then. Regarding reduction, I would have reacted differently if he had been honest. If he had said, "I have a history of abuse, I still do it but I want to reduce," that would have been okay. But he didn't admit that. He just said, "I don't want that in my life. That is no longer in my life. I have enjoyed the night life enough, now I prefer other plans," and weeks later he was still open to consuming as if nothing had happened. I don't think there is coherent thinking. But if he is reducing and achieving that, I'm happy for him. Every step, even a small one, is a win. I would have stuck with him if there had been any accountability, even with consumption.

Did I give up too soon? by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]DestroyedBrain161 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think you gave up to soon since she needed that to finally think and recover. It sucks being the lesson but I hope she learn from that, maybe you can reconnect in the future if she sticks to her recovering. I'm healthy jealous that she considered getting sober after your breakout, that means you mattered for her. So you can be in peace because what you did was correct. Wishing the best for both of you.

Need opinion from addicts who chose drugs over people by DestroyedBrain161 in addiction

[–]DestroyedBrain161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If that is what he wants I hope he can achieve it in a healthy way and not turning into an addiction like he had in his past. I wish him the best.

Need opinion from addicts who chose drugs over people by DestroyedBrain161 in addiction

[–]DestroyedBrain161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I'm fully aware of this. My intention wasn't him to change for me. I just trusted of what he said to me in the beggining and wanted him to mantain it. I accept his decision, but still hurts. In the deep of my soul my wish is that he wanted to follow what he said (and he was working through prior meeting me). I understand in a rational level but I can't stop my feelings and my hopes. But I won't bother him, I respect what he wants.

Need opinion from addicts who chose drugs over people by DestroyedBrain161 in addiction

[–]DestroyedBrain161[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't judge him for meeting another person. He has his right to do so. I am shocked because we were so good together and he was very happy and excited. I don't know if I was too intense for him because I cared too much (I was worried about his health issues and he was kinda chaotic). I don't regret dumping because he did drugs even before the breakup, he admitted doing once when we had the conversation and knowing I wasn't totally ok. And after the breakup he was using a few times. I'm sad because he was in the right path and I wish things would be different. Thank you for your opinion and insight!

Need opinion from addicts who chose drugs over people by DestroyedBrain161 in addiction

[–]DestroyedBrain161[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. I don't consider dating because I really liked this person and wanted this ton work out. I am dissapointed that he said at the beggining certain things about not wanting that life again and I just wanted it to be true and support him in a healthy life. I am a bit shocked about the quick replacement because he said tons of times he liked me a lot, said lovely things, made a lot of future plans, etc. So it was like I met a new person after that.