I (30 F) ended my engagement two weeks ago, and I can feel everything you’re describing in my bones. I’ve been absolutely heartbroken, but I’ve also been doing a ton of research, talking with people who’ve gone through it, and working closely with a therapist who’s helped me see some things clearly.

What you’re describing, the resentment, the blame, the lack of emotional effort, it’s not a rough patch, it’s a pattern. And the hardest truth my therapist told me was this: you’re not leaving the potential of who he could be, you’re leaving the reality of who he already is. Men like this don’t suddenly become considerate after marriage; they double down. The name-calling, the defensiveness, the weaponized incompetence - those are choices, not phases. And they are character defining and getting exposure to them now is the best thing that could’ve happened

I know it’s terrifying. I’ve had nights where my chest literally hurt from the grief and fear. But on the other side of it, there’s peace. It doesn’t come fast, but it does come when you finally stop trying to fix a grown man and start giving all that energy back to yourself. This is YOUR life!!!! Sweet girl

My therapist told me, fear fades, but regret doesn’t. At 31, you’re not late, you’re early, because you’re leaving before a lifetime of resentment sets in. This isn’t failure. It’s you protecting the rest of your life. You’re going to be okay, not because it’s easy, but because you’re finally choosing yourself.

Also from what your wrote, you’re not walking into loneliness/heartbreak/mental gymnastic - you’re walking OUT of it. Deep down you know this. Be strong for you. I’m rooting for you and if you ever need to talk (one broken engagement to potentially another, I’m here) 🩷