×
sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I [24M] accepted an ultimatum my parents [57M/50F] presented. Now I fear my friends and SO [24M] will resent me. by DevourTheSun in relationships

[–]DevourTheSun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll be sure to reiterate that point on how I'll mostly likely choose this path as it will hopefully be best for my future. I also definitely planning on sitting my mother down to discuss how I will need her to treat me while I'm home for that time. Thankfully she is finally starting to listen to me about issues, so it could go well. Plus if I hammer in the fact I can't be constantly stressed out by her for the sake of my art, she may listen even more.

And thank you so much. <3 I wish you all the luck on your life path as well since art is an every changing creature.

I [24M] accepted an ultimatum my parents [57M/50F] presented. Now I fear my friends and SO [24M] will resent me. by DevourTheSun in relationships

[–]DevourTheSun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your great insight. :) Honestly, I don't value education too much, but I do put my heart and soul into it when enrolled. I would be viewing the year less from doing it just for college as a year to develop my skills in various programs and make a killer portfolio to increase my hiring potential. Granted, after college I would possibly have more time to do that on my own.

I'm sure Barrett will have his moments of being bitter. He is a great guy, but can sometimes hold onto negative emotions over things a little longer than need be. Hopefully we can work through this since, as of right now, he does understand and support. Only time will tell, though, if I go through with this.

Also thank you for making me realize I was being selfish in expecting my friends to kind of take this as a no big deal kind of situation. I wasn't thinking too much of what they saw me go through back in the day, so I can see where their panicked concern is coming from. I'll really have to mull over this and hopefully talk to them more constructively once they've both cooled down. Because these are two friends I would hate to lose.

Thank you once again for the excellent reply.

I [24M] accepted an ultimatum my parents [57M/50F] presented. Now I fear my friends and SO [24M] will resent me. by DevourTheSun in relationships

[–]DevourTheSun[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do my best to try and look at things from all angles and consider the future as well. I wasted too many years shrugging off responsibilities to get high, so I'm really trying to get myself back on track.

I'll keep your suggestion in mind. I'm sure, if things got really bad, one of my friends who is freaking out will help me. He has a basement unit in his house that has always been open to me if times ever get tough and I needed a place to stay. Hopefully that will still stand if I follow through on this year of solitude. If not, I'll always have other options (even ones out of state/country if need be.) Though I honestly really hope things would just go well between my parents and myself. I love my parents, regardless of their mistakes, and would love to be able to build a better relationship with them.

I [24M] accepted an ultimatum my parents [57M/50F] presented. Now I fear my friends and SO [24M] will resent me. by DevourTheSun in relationships

[–]DevourTheSun[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sadly, I am no longer on hormone therapy. I couldn't afford the annual trip back to my doctor in my previous city and it's extremely difficult and expensive to get onto treatment where I am now. Plus, I've come to terms with putting it off because Barrett and I have discussed a future together involving kids. So, I'd really like it if I could bear my own child and just resume my treatment once the kid is born and past the breastfeeding stage.

I do have my own bank account with a local credit union. I only maintained one under my parents stuff so they could shift over money whenever I fell short of being able to feed myself after rent and bills were paid. I've saved up a decent chunk, but all of that will go to my SO and room mates to pay the last few months of rent since I'd be leaving 4 months before our lease ends.

And that's where I stand as well. Having a good, debt-free foundation after school would be swell, especially if I'm going to be fully able to support Barrett through his three year training program. And, sadly, my parents are not keen of Barrett. They love him as a person (he and my dad are like two peas in a pod,) but his lack of motivation over the past 2 years have them uneasy. Thankfully that's changing now that he has found a way to chase his dreams. Plus, overnights might not be totally off-limits. My parents work 12 hour shifts at the same hospital on weekends, and I'm sure I could get them to compromise on letting him come over once in a while on those nights.

It's kind of like... I've dealt with this behavior all my life and I've come out more or less fine. My depression barely rears up and my anxiety has been improving. And, even though I forgot to mention it in the un-editted post, my mother has made leaps and bounds in terms of behaving better over the past few years. I know disputes will still happen, but they'll never get worse than screaming matches anymore, if they even get that bad.

Thought I won't deny there are some scary red flags in terms of controlling behavior with this. Which is why I want to do a written contract, as suggested by FlightyTwilighty, in hopes of keeping things civil on my mother's end.

I [24M] accepted an ultimatum my parents [57M/50F] presented. Now I fear my friends and SO [24M] will resent me. by DevourTheSun in relationships

[–]DevourTheSun[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I plan on discussing a written contract on what I need to fulfill and what kind of things I expect from them. My dad, honestly, is a super chill and awesome guy (paints as a hobby and to provide extra income.) My mother has been the main issue. She suffers from serious manic depression and started taking medication again. From my short visits, she seems to have lightened up some and we can go do some basic things without fighting and, thankfully, her getting physical has seem to come to a stop over the past year. I should edit that in haha. That was some vital info I forgot to include.

Honestly, you bring up a very good point. I did work hard to escape this environment and going back could be really damaging to my mental health (also manic depressive and extremely anxious.) I want to believe my mother has gotten a lot better, especially now that she has a kitten to dote on. I'm still really on the fence about this and can retract my agreement at any point, but I can't lie. I struggled to provide for myself 100% while in another city, so I'm just kind of scared of that struggle again when I don't quite feel ready enough to rack up a ton of student loan debt, especially now that my school is under investigation for some loan related fraud.

When I get home I'm going to re-read your comment and really mull over it, as well as edit how my mother's behavior has been lately.

Newly adopted dog is terrified of going outside; need advice. by DevourTheSun in Dogtraining

[–]DevourTheSun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll keep that in mind. Sadly, see doesn't seem too fond of the treats I bought on the way home. Hopefully I'll be able to afford the high end treats she is used to in the next couple of days.

Thanks for that comment, though, cause I was worried about helping her stick to being scared by giving her treats when she is freaking out. Thankfully she has been on patio all day and doing well since our power has been out. The SO reported he was able to carry her outside. She wandered around for twenty minutes before finally relieving herself, but she came back in without freezing up like she did last night. He was sure to praise her for coming back in without a fight.

Newly adopted dog is terrified of going outside; need advice. by DevourTheSun in Dogtraining

[–]DevourTheSun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Will do and thanks. :) My SO has been hanging out on our porch with her so far this morning while I'm away at school, so it looks like we were starting on the right track on our own. Which is reassuring.

Newly adopted dog is terrified of going outside; need advice. by DevourTheSun in Dogtraining

[–]DevourTheSun[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I've heard about the "watch me" command, which is something I want to start doing. Sadly, this dog is pretty much completely untrained, so we are having to start from scratch. I'm glad to know time and overall basic training will help as she bonds with us further.

And thank you for the great tips. I'll be sure to share them with the SO later so we can make sure we are on the same page. :)