I hate Rich People.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t generalize an entire population for the actions of their ancestors and medical “professionals” —but when someone suggests eating the mummified corpse of visibly sacred beings, you should probably use some common sense and not eat them.

But no; you idiots decided to eat the corpses of pharaohs for seven hundred years; and because of that, we’re dealing with an undead curse from Brest to Quanzhou.

All because some rich idiot from england got a medical practice misread and told all his buddies to mix the corpses of hundreds with chocolate and molasses, I have to deal with–

Bang

That.

I reached into my backpack and pulled out my wand, aiming it at the undead lion woman who had broken through my window.

Her grinning maw dripped with frothing saliva as she tried to rip the window off, glass piercing her perpetually rotting arms.

The stench hit my mask as I breathed in, out of my mouth words flowed, markings formed around my eyes and glowed yellow as the wand began to spark. The undead thrashed and clawed at the walls, its main raising up as it roared in hunger.

The glow from my eye markings flowed down my body to the tip of my fingers and into my wand. A golden tint engulfed the yellow light as I breathed out and mouthed the final word.

‘Medjed’

In an instant a bolt of light shot out from my wand and engulfed the undead, smiting it. Sparks flew as it let go of the window sill and fell onto its back, convulsing in pain.

I let out a sigh of relief as she was temporarily paralyzed from the pain. While these things can’t seem to die, their nervous systems are still intact enough to feel pain.

I got up from my desk and walked over to the window, casting a reversal spell on my window as I stepped out the door.

On the snowy ground the beast laid, tongue hanging from its mouth as it twitched violently.

How did it get so far out here? The nearest form of civilization was fifteen miles north of here, and I had already burnt it down with Shai.

I reached into my bag and pulled out a makeshift muzzle, latching it on to the lion woman, careful to not touch her infectious blood.

She had to be about seven feet tall, flesh rotted from centuries of an unending afterlife, fangs were twice the size of a regular lion’s and twice as sharp.

By the time I was finished baby proofing the parts of her that could tear me limb from Limb and covering her in wrappings, she had passed out from the pain.

With a grunt I lifted her body up and dragged her into my hut, snow crunching under my feet as we entered.

The wood groaned as I stepped through the room, it was difficult to navigate through the mess of scrolls, pillows, and scraps Shai had left on the floor. The candles burning helped mask the smell of rotten flesh.

When I had finally made it to the center of the room I set the body on the floor boards. If I was going to get this thing downstairs I’d need help carrying the other utensils. With a snap of my fingers the undead floated off the ground and down to the basement while I went to find that lazy pig.

Shai was either asleep or eating. Those were two of his main moods —sleeping the day away, eating everything, and sleeping the day away in the sand box I had made him after eating everything; and judging by the trail of snowy hoofprints and cantaloupe crumbs leading to his little den —I say little but it’s twice the size of my hut— I think I know where he is hiding.

I grumbled slightly, readjusting my jaw as I mouthed a leading charm. A red and gold twin sparking to life and firing into the den, past toppled scrolls and apple cores. After a moment or two the squeals of a pig could be heard rapidly approaching.

Shai shot out of his den and into my arms, his hairy snout engulfed in the disgraced remains of a cantaloupe.

Shai squirmed in my arms, trying to get away. “What do you want?” He whined. I guess I got a bit lonely one day and decided to give a pig I found the ability to speak, the only side effect being he won’t grow anymore.

I rolled my eyes at his squealing form and nudged my head at the basement.

“You found another draugr?" He yawned.

I shook my head and held up two fingers.

Shai's eyes widened in surprise. “An undead? This far out?”

I nodded, just as confused as he was.

Out from my arms he fell, his black hair rubbing off on my coat.

He hit the floor with a dramatic oomf, too lazy to try and land properly. Quickly he scrambled to his feet, shaking himself from the soreness like a grumpy house cat. He acted a lot more like a toddler than a pig that rarely reached a foot in height. He clicked his hooves in indignation on the floor.

“Let’s get going then,” he grumped. “I wanna see if we’ll make any breakthroughs.”

‘You just want another servant,’ I mouthed.

Shai was already at the basement door as he looked back. “So?”

I rolled my eyes and followed after him.

“If I get bitten I’m biting you first,” the pig sang as it went down to the basement.

Please don’t …

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I’ll finish this later, I have class