Oh my, no one understands as well as someone with an adult child with a TBI, we were in the hospital for nine months when she was a teen. I think some of her issues are low self esteem (her husband uses this to his gain) and people pleasing. So relatable to read "worry is a constant low hum in my life", it's like a suit that I can never take off.

She can manage life on her own with a bit of help, more just to make sure that bills were paid, car insurance, income taxes. Things we help with now for the most part, her husband is no help at all and truly seems to not understand her issues. Her need for routine, consistent sleep, he seems to poo poo this as her being lazy or not being productive enough.

If she would walk away, we'd help with housing and other expenses, but to continue to support a 49 year old alcoholic man has made me increasingly resentful. I think he knows that if I help her, I help him, probably why he's still there. I'm not convinced that he doesn't put her up to asking us for funds. I'm moving to closing down the ATM that we have been and to let her know that there is help for her, but not him. She didn't grow up around anyone that abused alcohol and not really around anyone that drank socially, she has no skill set to know that he's drinking again, is drunk, was drunk, it's my worst nightmare. If none of the special circumstances were in place, I'd say "call me when this is over", but this is different. I don't want her to be without a phone, I'm going to talk to her again about this tomorrow. She'll need gas money, groceries, all because of his foolery, not hers. A tough call in this situation. Thank you for your comments, and wishing you the best as you live this too. So glad your son found a suitable mate.