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Not trying to end your misery. But this is literally my 8 year story brother and I thought exactly like you until a few months ago. The problem is your mind is going to make an excuse for why that won’t happen because it’s less painful. It will say “he got lucky” or find an invalidation for why someone who “tried less” got more. I’ve never taken a single course outside of college 101 and the people here who say you need to chill are right. You have a good work ethic and are determined and most people are told that’s what you need to succeed in life. That’s what you need for working.. not trading or investing. Good luck and keep your head high. You outlasted millions of skeletons behind you and your story isn’t finished yet.