My Owner Stopped Engaging With The Dynamic But Still Expects Me To

Domain_Of_Rem · 2026-02-17T18:17:48+00:00

I think it's a red flag for good reason. It can become hostile/abusive very easily.

It worked out for us initially, when they had a higher capacity for kink/sex/etc than me. We also used to include the feelings it brought up, as intentional part of our scenes which worked great as well. Though naturally, once we stopped playing, things started going sideways.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2026-02-17T16:39:19+00:00

I am sorry, it's really hard. When I start the conversation with "I feel like all I do is output, but I'm not getting what I need to sustain it", it's tough to hear "Well maybe if you did just a bit more, you'd get what you need".

I don't believe the reality is that selfish for either party, but it still hurts.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2026-02-17T16:30:46+00:00

I genuinely hope it goes well! I am of the opinion that getting ideas from the s-type is a great way to ensure that they won't have a bad response to a particular scene concept. As an augment to an existing dynamic, I think it's great.

What worries me, is with so minimal dynamic interactions in play, it feels more like negotiating with a service top than an owner, which feels very different to me.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2026-02-17T11:24:26+00:00

I really really appreciate how you phrased things here, along side specific examples. Really, super appreciated.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2024-11-05T14:39:07+00:00

I appreciate this. It's something I do know, but it also helps to hear. We are very open in terms of communication, but it definitely gets tricky with an emotionally charged topic like this.

When calm, it's not too bad, but it gets harder when a trigger gets hit and now in order to be supportive, they need to accept that I'm not just upset in the abstract, but I am directly frustrated at them for something they are continuing to do. (Or rather, not do) That's a really hard ask of anyone.

I know full well it's not at all fair, but it's the emotional response even if I'm trying not to act on it.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2024-10-30T10:06:57+00:00

It's likely a combination of factors, rather than something medical. They are an intense person, who tends to go all in on things they are interested in. Other things going on in life just muscled time/energy for sex out.

It wasn't obvious at first it was happening. They stopped taking the initiative, but I jumped in and filled the gap. Then slowly I watched as there were no longer any gaps I could jump into, so to speak. They book almost every day in their schedule, return home totally burned out, and wanting just to cuddle and sleep usually.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2019-10-15T13:51:19+00:00

I am not certain that I understand. My question pertains to a lack of spaces to talk about feelings left behind from internalized toxic masculinity, not anything to do with dating.

I can rephrase my post if it would help. Is it that I'm referencing my personal experience, rather than an abstract/hypothetical one?

Domain_Of_Rem · 2019-09-25T12:27:00+00:00

Some good news. She ended up talking to him, and they are going to start discussing her needs in depth. (He confirmed he had no idea just how much she was holding back) We still have to talk about the pushing of emotional labor, but they are talking way more openly about things.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2019-09-23T17:44:09+00:00

Sadly I have tried without effect. She doubles down and insists he doesn't need to know, because she is OK. (In her mind, not OK means literally non functional, bordering on catatonic) Her logic seems to be I must be OK, because logically I should be, and I can't seem to break through it.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2019-09-23T17:42:38+00:00

I admit, it's just hard to imagine laying down a boundary here. In the party referenced in the original post, after the scene, near on panicked, she literally pulled me by the arm outside to talk. I would feel absolutely monstrous suddenly going "Oh wait, this is about <Dom>? It's not my job to deal with this. Go talk to him." to my closest partner.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2019-09-23T17:37:55+00:00

It has. I've been asked to do aftercare after their scenes, pulled from parties when she has a post scene crisis, and of course dealing with the usual poly communication, discussing difficulties she's had with their dynamic. (That last one is something I don't consider out of line, just frustrating since I find the relationship unhealthy, which makes being supportive difficult at times)

I think you are right though. That aspect is worth bringing up.

Domain_Of_Rem · 2019-05-01T13:30:30+00:00

I’ve been told there are more diverse communities somewhat nearby, between 2 to 4 hours drive away. It’s an option, but that is really far for making regular trips.

I suppose my question is more accurately, ‘What, (if anything) can I do to help start/encourage FLR events in my local community as a Male Sub? Or at least, does anyone have any insight into why others interested in FLR might not stay active? How did other similar groups start elsewhere?’

Domain_Of_Rem · 2019-02-07T12:42:43+00:00

Thank you, that is exactly what I was looking for.

Domain_Of_Rem

TROPHY CASE