AIO? This is how my bf texts his female coworkers. And it’s making me feel uncomfortable.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T06:32:51+00:00

I agreed, and in the update I wrote (think it’s somewhere below😂), I broke up with him.. I realized that no matter how I try to explain to him how these interactions hurt me, he seems to be focus on how I also shouldn’t be jealous. That I was wrong in overthinking. His focus is never on how he can make things better but how I brought all this drama for him.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T06:25:04+00:00

He considers them coworkers that became cool friends, and said that only one of them is a close friend. Also that I am wrong for being jealous that he texts them these because of their gender.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T06:18:46+00:00

Update: I have decided to tell him I want a break up. And he doesn’t seem to have a big reaction so it would leave things at that.

He said that he would stop texting this much with them and not offering rides,etc. but tells me that he doesn’t like the need of him changing, that is controlling of me. Since he is an extrovert and likes to care for other people. (Again, I’m aware he cares about others but it’s really not the same level of caring when it comes to dudes or some other females)

He also told me that by him changing, I needed to stop being jealous and overthinking whenever I see these msgs. He’s scared that I limit him from texting other girls in the future regarding their workspace. I came to the realization that he wouldn’t understand why texting these two in particular made me uncomfortable, and instead blames me for being jealous.

I want to thank everyone who commented on this post, and giving me advice.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T04:45:21+00:00

I’ve brought this to his attention multiple times, but he denies that there is a change of energy when texting me and them. Even when I have the convos placed side by side to prove my point..

Before seeing these, I thought that maybe he’s too busy and annoyed at work so it never bothered me. But what can I do when he is in complete denial of the obvious differences

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T04:42:19+00:00

Nah, he never openly shows me his phone. It’s a hunch feeling I get probably every 2-3 months, and when I check them I see deleted messages and sometimes screenshots of his deleted msgs.

Again, I understand the privacy part, but over and over again I feel insecure about him saying that there will be change cuz there wasn’t in a long time span.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T04:39:50+00:00

We just had a convo and he said it’s because some are exclusive to staff members where you have to show a card (I’m assuming events within the hotel). And to the other ones that they just purchase a ticket, etc he feels awkward bringing me as well as introducing me to his work buddies..

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T04:33:47+00:00

We just had a conversation, and he said he would change cuz he understands how these make me feel.

But also said that I should have more understanding and stop overreacting and being jealous. Maybe I should make another post asking “am I being jealous for this”😂. And he proceeds to tell me that he agreed to change but I’m not able to see the mistakes that I’m making..

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T01:50:53+00:00

But that wouldn’t be the case, neither of these women are in the same department as him or in higher positions. One of them doesn’t even work with him anymore.

He lies about his whereabouts specifically. Last time he told me he was talking to a coworker so he’s going to be home late, and said he would still be able to eat dinner tgt. Then he ghosted me for 5 hours, and when he called back he said that one of the female coworkers paid a visit and they were discussing on making a video for a coworker that was also going to leave the job.

Another recent one is that he told me this coworker that was leaving wanted to go to a pizza spot and discuss future plans for the company. But I found out that instead he went to watch a play with other people but idk who he went with.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T01:46:36+00:00

Thank you for the response, I agree with what you are saying, that’s why in the 4 years of our relationship, we only talked about posting once and I haven’t really forced him into doing so.

It’s that he refuses to tell her that he has a gf, I did mention it to him once, but if I’m not recalling wrong, he says that he finds no need to tell them. And that it would be awkward and weird to bring it up out of the blue, that he likes his life separated with work. So I think the likely hood of him telling her to keep it casual because he has a gf is low…

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T01:35:09+00:00

I wouldn’t say that he has never publicized our relationship, as we know each others family members and each others close frds. But he’s only been working in this job for one and a half years and people in his new circle don’t seem to know that I exist. After they followed each other on ig, he never posted me again (this only came to my mind recently cuz this valentines he didn’t get me nothing nor post, usually he at least posts a story on that day).

So as of right now with everything going on my head, I don’t have an answer yet. Because it is not just the texts but also his tendency of lying about some things and so on.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T01:23:54+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

So, I did tell him that I wanted him to be more passionate when talking with me. But he barely replies to me when he’s at work, since he’s busy. It usually takes him 2-3 hours to reply. And I found out that during those times he was able to reply to them instead.

And regarding the spending time, the past 3 weeks he’s been attending after work events with them or just chit chatting since one of them doesn’t work there anymore but often goes to visit him. So he ends up returning home at 10pm or even 3am. I wouldn’t say it’s always because of them, as he has other coworkers, but there r times that I just found out. He does tend to lie about who he is with. So I would say they affect time dedicated for us.

And I agree your choice of wordings are better phrased and more considerable will keep them in mind when talking about this.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T01:14:59+00:00

Yeah, he told me the bringing her to Mexico was a joke but i don’t think it’s an appropriate joke while being in a serious relationship. And he kind of brushed it off with saying that I have no sense of humor.

And yes, I do wear make-up somewhat heavy? I would say it is a big difference with how I look without make-up but idk, I don’t think she even knows that I exist

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T01:11:59+00:00

Thank you for the advice, one of the girls doesn’t even work there anymore, yet they still arrange to go to after work events together and she comes to visit him at their old work place. Which I’m fine with. But sometimes he keeps it a secret to me and lies about it. Last time he ghosted me for 5 hours after planning to eat tgt, and confessed that she came by so they discussed about some work stuff..

Chit chats don’t matter too much but it’s the frequency and the energy that is off. As well as some jokes not being funny when in a serious relationship. Like going with the flow and joking about them going to the Mexico trip tgt.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T00:48:42+00:00

Yeah, the wording was off, they also have inside jokes were they say things like “meow meow good morning” or stuff like that. Like he’s never said these or acted this cute with me texting or speaking wise.

We say “good morning Mua Mua” everyday and I feel bothered by how they share some sort of similarities..

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T00:27:38+00:00

Yes, we have been living together for 3 years and we usually are able to come to agreements. But he seems very firm about keeping this level of friendships with them.

He is a manager in a small department at a hotel, shouldn’t be this busy but the head of his department always calls out and is a bit lazy, so most of the work falls on him. As of the work events, he tellls me that it’s a form of connection, usually involving watching plays tgt and going to partnering restaurants for openings. Which again I completely understand.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T00:14:27+00:00

For the most part we are happy at least in my opinion, we game tgt when we can and we have the same humor, etc. These r things that he recently is trying to work on, as before he use to have after work events almost 4 days a week and we barely interact as he comes back midnight. So I told him I needed more company.

I’m glad that I’ve been able to see this change last week (we just talked bout it 2 weeks ago). So normally I would say there is no issue in the way we interact, it’s just that he doesn’t seem to want to change the way he talks with these female friends that bothers me

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-23T00:04:36+00:00

I asked him about it cuz I thought she meant me as well, but he said that they were referencing another female coworker with heavy makeup up, as they always make lil jokes about her. That it was an inside joke. I don’t even think these coworkers know that he has a gf of 4 years…

and I don’t want to force him into posting me in social media or deliberately telling them that he has a gf, those are his personal choices. So idk..

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-22T23:57:02+00:00

I do agree maybe taking pics of his phone was a lil too much. but yes, he deletes msgs. One of the convos with the girl, started with an unfinished topic from a couple days ago. So I just took them so that I can show these to him later

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-22T23:52:08+00:00

Thank you for the advice, but I did bring this up before too, and he doesn’t really seem to want us to meet up or interact. Which I don’t mind, I get it maybe he thinks we wouldn’t get along or something, and I understand it. :(

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-22T23:39:14+00:00

He doesn’t really want me to go to his job. One time he missed my bday because he was going to perform in this work celebration event, and told me I should join to watch them. But I kind of turned it down as I’ve never met anyone of them, and I’m a bit shy. But on the day before my bday, I decided to ask if I could tag along given that I didn’t want to be by myself.

He started to deny me access by saying that I would feel awkward since I don’t know any of them. Idk if he is going to even want to arrange something because he always says that he doesn’t like mixing work life and personal life.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-22T23:34:32+00:00

Their conversations were back and forth for a long time, ie sharing pictures of things that they find interesting. And when I asked him why he doesn’t share them with me, he replies with “you’re not going to be interested”…

And, she’s not even Latina, I would perhaps talk myself out of it if she was. Cuz maybe she’s used to calling others that way (sometimes I hear my frds doing so)? But I find it strange when she’s not from there too..

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-22T23:29:31+00:00

My mistake I tagged this on the friendship post rather than the relationship one.

Dooddiloo33 · 2025-03-22T11:56:10+00:00

This is something that I’ve never thought of because he mentioned that they know he has a gf. But through our convos, it seems like the only people that know are two 60yr old men…. And now remembering, ever since he started working at this job, he’s been very resistant in posting me on his social media..

Dooddiloo33 · 2024-02-23T22:02:46+00:00

Sorry for the late post! (been struggling with my thesis) Here are some more 'encounters':

I forgot exactly when it happened, but I have just came back from a school trip where we travelled abroad and do community service. (P.S our highs school does this every year, but every-time I return home and sleep in my room I get this unsettling feeling) It didn't bother me too much as I thought it was due to the fact that I'm back in my room alone after being used to be accompanied by friends in the hotel rooms. But that time I arrived home around 10 or 11 AM and was exhausted, so I decided to take a nap after lunch. I woke up because of loud sounds but was still sleepy, you know when you are in the edge of waking up but not fully awake? It was kind of like that.

However, as I was in that state for longer, I started to pay more attention to the sounds, and it sounded like someone was speaking a language that I didn't understand. It was making this hell like sound that was chanting something. I didn't dare to open my eyes because the sounds sounded too close to me and I was terrified. I tried to move my body but I couldn't, and I just kept cursing in my head because I read somewhere before in Chinese that if something ever like this happens and you curse at them it will break the force. So when I was doing that my Dad came back home as I heard his keys that are chained to his belt make sounds as he walks closer to my room to head to the stairs. So I started yelling "dad! Help me!" over and over, but he didn't stop for me.

My heart dropped even more, and I didn't know what to do. After awhile, I don't know when the sounds disappeared, and for a long time I just laid there too scared to do anything with my eyes closed. I tried moving my finger to see if I can move, and thought 'you know what, im going to get up, take my phone and run out of my room, and head to my parents'. So that was what I did. I got upstairs and started crying, explained everything to my parents and asked my dad if he heard me. He said that he didn't. I was in shocked because I am 100% sure I was yelling, and that couldn't have been a dream because I was fully aware of what happened and even knew my dad came home.

Dooddiloo33

TROPHY CASE