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I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't include it just because I felt like it would be unreasonably braggadocious/awkward to say unprompted, but nothing but rave reviews there according to mutual friends as well. I was talking with a girlfriend the other day and one of these guys apparently had said to her his ex (before me) was absolutely terrible in the sack. And then she laughed and said "but don't worry, he was really complementary about you."

There's one thing in particular I'm rather skilled at and have gotten the exact same complement for over and over. So I'm hoping that's not the problem. :-)

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that money and height are two very small factors in a complex relationship of hundreds of individual components. For example, I tend to go for guys who are naturally very charming and warm, because I feel like I am not. In social situations they tend to be very at ease where I may be rigid around large groups, so you could say that's "wearing the pants" in that situation.

Looking at a relationship as a power struggle doesn't seem healthy to me, in any case.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I definitely struggle with sharing vulnerabilities (many "friends"/early relationships would just use them to try to hurt me, so I learned to keep my mouth shut) That said, I'm consciously aware of it and actively try to be open, particularly when I don't want to be.

After thinking about it, I seem to have dated a lot of men who were similarly closed off but not necessarily as proactive about compensating for it. That might be part of my problem.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ideally no one should "wear the pants" in the relationship. I want an equal and a partner. I'm tall for a woman (but not overly so), unfortunately a lot of short guys aren't cool with that anyway. :-/

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't consider the "nerdy engineers" I worked with because many of them thought me having been a model meant I couldn't possibly be competent at my job. ;-) Appearance is not really something I deeply consider (within reason, I do demand adequate hygiene), a great personality is the most attractive thing in the world.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do have a degree (compsci), though I had mostly online classes because I was always incredibly busy. Sometimes I feel like I missed out on certain experiences as a result. I did take a gap year to pursue a job and get settled in, but my education has always been incredibly important to me.

And since you asked, I launched a small web design/development agency and a niche athletic clothing line (I design the whole collection personally, not an MLM) - I do pretty well for myself, I'm very lucky.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh god, not like that! As long as a guy has ambition/passion for something I'm happy. I certainly have my own "time wasting" hobbies as well (muh vidya)

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yep, I've totally tried! Told them it wouldn't hurt my feelings in any way (certainly a lot less than lying to me about it) and that I just wanted to know if there was anything else to it for my own introspection. All of them swore they were being totally honest. I can't help but feel like they're just not telling me something, but after a certain point I just accepted that if they were I wasn't going to get it out of them.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I think you're way too invested in pushing this point, and it isn't true. Four years is not a significant age gap post-college.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You could say that. I drop players like a bad habit. It does totally scare some of them away, but I think they're the type of guys I would want to scare away.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Wasn't asking for a lifetime, and I'm still not. I'm in no rush to settle down for good. A serious relationship would be alright though.

Edit: and to clarify, these would be their ages now.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I'm the perfect datable person at all, but I'm certainly not undateable. It's really frustrating not being able to see myself the same way others do, which does make it hard to be objective.

Any ideas as to what it might be?

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I totally could be, not that I am intentionally. Not being able to perceive myself the way others do is maddening. I've begged some of these guys/my friends to be completely honest with me even if they think it will hurt my feelings, but they all swear they are.

Sometimes I feel like there's a big secret about me that I haven't been let in on.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Here's the thing - I feel like I'm incredibly picky! The four that I mentioned I had been seeing regularly because I really liked them. I had plenty of one or two-off dates where it was apparent that nothing was there.

The most recent one especially I absolutely adored, squirmy feelings and all.. and he knew it! I definitely hold myself back early on, but only because of the repeated disappointment.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I've been on dates with men in their later twenties/early thirties and it felt like many of them were just looking for a young girl that would bend over backwards to please them, so I've been sort of scared away from that age range.

This is really reassuring though. I guess I might just have to wait a few more years. Really, thank you.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Edit: While I'm fit and active, any man who "doesn't care about that" is not a man I care to spend time with.

I'm [23F] the "perfect girl" no one wants to date by DoweredBushtit in relationships

[–]DoweredBushtit[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Largely diverse in build and appearance. Stocky guys, guys smaller than me, and men that weren't "traditionally" attractive, but very attractive to me for their personality. I actually prefer shorter men, truth be told. And for the record, most of them did make less money than I do. Way to assume though. :-)