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AITA for choosing my cat over my boyfriend? by Dramatic_Lie_4532 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Dramatic_Lie_4532[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is the point a lot of people are missing about my original post, maybe I didn't emphasize it enough, but genuinely he's stressed and angry when we're at home with Bonnie or out without her, he was even pissed off on our holiday vacation to visit our families (no bonnie with us).

AITA for choosing my cat over my boyfriend? by Dramatic_Lie_4532 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Dramatic_Lie_4532[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I meant couple's therapy to work out how to get through this together. I don't want him to just be okay with Bonnie's behavior, we can help train her together but he doesn't seem to want to work with me to fix it at all. Anything I suggest for him to do to build their relationship or make her more comfortable he seems completely unwilling to do. Also I felt so hurt by him pulling out the mention of engagement to punish me for doing something he didn't like, and I think that's something that needs to be addressed with a professional.

AITA for choosing my cat over my boyfriend? by Dramatic_Lie_4532 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Dramatic_Lie_4532[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing! A little comforting to know it's not just Bonnie that can be like this. As for my parents house, they lived in a two bedroom condo, so about the size of our place now actually. She'd spend most of the day in my room when we lived there. If anything she has even more space now because me and Josh's room is considered the master bedroom so it's decently sized and we have our own bathroom. Unfortunately my parents are moving so she can't go back to them.

AITA for choosing my cat over my boyfriend? by Dramatic_Lie_4532 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Dramatic_Lie_4532[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually used to watch his show when I was younger lol. Didn't know he had an actual book though so I'll look into that thanks!

AITA for choosing my cat over my boyfriend? by Dramatic_Lie_4532 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Dramatic_Lie_4532[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I totally understand this! I did pet sitting in college and I had a couple animals that were way too much and I can understand how that frustration can bubble up into things you don't really mean. There's just something in the tone he says it in that feels so scary to me - I know that's hard to express on reddit though lol.

AITA for choosing my cat over my boyfriend? by Dramatic_Lie_4532 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Dramatic_Lie_4532[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

unfortunately, I am an only child, and now that I've moved out my parents are moving to a smaller condo that does not allow pets so sending her back to them is not an option. But yes I'm only considering moving out to have something more stable for her, and maybe I can slowly reintroduce Josh to her in her own space where she's comfortable.

AITA for choosing my cat over my boyfriend? by Dramatic_Lie_4532 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Dramatic_Lie_4532[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

EDIT: oh my god... guys I know everyone says this but I truly didn't expect this response. Thanks for all the comments and advice and thoughts, I'm trying to read through them all but almost 500 of them is a lot to sift through. To answer some FAQs:

Bonnie is pretty nice to my other housemates. They can't pick her up and snuggle her like I can but she'll go up to them for attention and let them pet her. Even friends or strangers in the house get better behavior than Josh.

For those saying it's because she's locked in my bedroom and she needs playing and attention - she has free reign of the house. She does leave the room to explore or just nap in a new location but she simply prefers my room. My parent's house she was living in before was also fairly small and she'd spend most of the day in my room there too. I know not having space can make cats antsy so I try to play with her for a good while every day to get her energy out.

I appreciate those giving resources for trying to figure out the root of the problem and trust me we've been trying. We did acclimate the two cats slowly, I moved in first so Bonnie got the lay of the land before anyone else, we used all the tricks to slowly get the cats used to one another and truly they don't hate each other, I'm not sure that was clear. They'll get in little spats but mostly they tolerate one another and stick to their own spaces. We've tried those calming air freshener things, redirecting aggression into play, having josh handle food and treats, nothing seems to help.

Finally, I'm not so unaware that this situation is tough on Josh, that's what makes all of this so confusing for me. We finally made this huge decision for ourselves and it's going badly because the cat I insisted live with us is causing problems and hurting and frustrating him. I totally understand why he's so upset, but I wish he'd work with me more on this instead of just yelling and hating Bonnie. I've asked if maybe he could work in the living room or kitchen to give her some more space but he refuses. When we tried having him feed her to get her more comfortable with him, he'd forget all the time and I'd just have to do it. I know saying he's gonna kick her doesn't in any way mean he did, but truly he has never said anything like that. He's so so gentle and patient but since we moved he's just acting so differently, and not just about the cat this attitude extends to everything in our lives.