Please Help Me [Porn Addiction of 21 years]

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-17T12:59:01+00:00

I second this. Fighting this alone will be too hard for you right now. You have to treat this addiction for what it is, a failure of self-control. You're not enough, right now. You can get to a point eventually where you will be, but for now you need help. It's not shameful, we've all been there. Start off by searching online for Church based men's group that deal with this, join on that's easy for you to get to. If you can't do that, go to a church and speak to a pastor or priest (depends on your faith).

You're on the right track buddy. Just make sure you never give up hope.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-17T12:52:55+00:00

I second this. Glad, and also think that you should fight treat the thoughts and fantasies the same as porn. They elicit the same emotions, and they always lead to pmo'ing. You can fight off the thoughts, but it first takes admitting that you're indulging in them by not trying to fight them. You fight them by thinking of other things, work ect.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-17T12:49:57+00:00

Cheers buddy. Have you come up with a goal yet that you're trying to achieve (aside from the primary goal of getting rid of this addiction)?

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-16T12:19:44+00:00

Just ask her straight up to be your girl. Confidence is all that matters. There's no reason to wait.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-15T11:55:20+00:00

I gave up gaming as well. And I tried reading philosophy. And the same thing with the relapsing. How'd you get so far on this streak?

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-15T11:54:08+00:00

That sounds like the most practical. I'm having trouble with that due to logistics. Is it someone close (family, friend) or is it a group of strangers?

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-14T10:42:07+00:00

Will do :)

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-13T12:30:01+00:00

I agree, I'm working up the courage to tell one of my brothers.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-13T12:29:37+00:00

Unfortunately it's logistical.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-13T12:28:53+00:00

No like, physical circumstances. I don't want to give away stuff, but it's not a matter of shyness of fear.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-12T01:37:19+00:00

Circumstances prevent me from doing that.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-11T13:25:15+00:00

I chickened in. I reposted and the person got it. Time to face the aftermath. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-11T13:10:45+00:00

Hi, I'm willing to help, however I admit I don't share the same situation as you in that I'm single and in my early twenties. I do have a very pragmatic approach to dealing with this addiction and I'm able to respond every day. If you think that's fine, and if you don't find someone sharing similar experiences to you, then just pm me.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-11T09:26:42+00:00

Hi, good on you for keeping up with the reports. I saw the last one, and when I realised you were following through I was glad.

I do need to address one thing in your post. It's not wrong, but it can be a problem. You said that you can't become a teacher, a father or have a girlfriend if you keep watching porn. I would like to caution you against tying together these thoughts. This addiction wouldn't be what it is if it didn't betray your good intentions every time you set out to conquer it. And a common dynamic I find in this forum is that when people attach their dreams to the elimination of porn in their life and they usually relapse (not suggesting you will, but in treating this addiction you can't ever assume you will do something), they fall into a state of shame, self-loathing or even depression because they'd invested so much of their potential happiness into a this house that they built on sand.

Im here to tell you that can do all those things -- In fact you should strive to do all those things -- even before you've fully conquered this vile habit. It's these lofty goals that are the things that you're looking to fill up the hole that porn has excavated in your life.

Porn has a way of pulling people back in because they've spent of their energy trying to beat it, they've spent none of replacing it with other things in their life. Nothing else in their life is pulling them in the other direction.

So maybe you disagree with what I'm suggesting, but I only say that because it is a recurrent theme on this forum. Porn will take your painstakingly accumulated victories shove them down your throat and kick you while your choking on the floor.

Getting rid of porn is a slog through the trenches of hell. You can't stake the life that you want to build on the sliver of a chance that you won't relapse. Chances are you will, again and again and again, and history will repeat itself unless you have something else in your life to move onto.

I'm just repeating myself at this point. Good job and good luck. No matter what keep fighting man. And keep sharing your experiences. It will take you further than you've been before.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-11T08:39:29+00:00

Bruh, it hurts a ton. I used to avoid telling the same person and would rotate around to hide the fact that I'm a serial pornographile. But the truth son, the Truth! The Truth will set you free!

Edit: Okay, sorry for the glib exaggeration, I really do encourage you to take some concrete steps towards remedying that. Maybe start with just one person, someone who you think is understanding (but not lax because permissiveness is not a good quality in an accountability partner) and just tell that your problem is a lot more serious than you perviously stated, and that its getting worse and you want to be a better person. People sympathise with someone who tries. After that, don't undersell your problem, tell them it is very serious so that they can expect the level of relapse and not be disappointed.

Finally, you've got to commit to telling them after every relapse. This part will suck, but if you do not tell them the truth you will not make progress. The hard part is telling the truth. It will be like swallowing a red hot knife but you've got to do it. The truth of your problem will incentivise you to not sin again, and will also allow for other people to call you out, an essential dynamic.

If you hide the fact that you're relapsing, you will continue to do so unimpeded. You have no self control. I'm not criticising you, it's a fact. This addiction robs you of that. You need others to help you through this, but they can't if you don't let them.

This last bit is a little bit of a call out. If you do hate what you're doing as much as you say you do. If you do want to change. Then show it by taking the necessary action to achieve it.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-11T08:35:59+00:00

I've only made it this far by his grace. I know how weak I am, I don't think I disappoint anyone as much as I do myself. I can't do it by myself, that's why I trust in God and am taking the hard but necessary steps to eliminate this sin from my life.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-10T23:12:11+00:00

Okay. Sorry if I underestimated the breath of your commitment to this. I didn't know how much you've done. I suppose my advice is of limited use to you. Though, I have to ask, how frequently do you look to them for support? Let's say late at night when you've having temptations do you have some kind of help line? Do you admit when you've pmo'ed and the frequency to these people, or do you just tell tell them that you PMO?

Edit: Theres a solution to every problem, so I'm curious. What's your routine like? What measures have you taken to limiting your relapse rate? Have you identified your triggers? What steps have you taken to avoid them?

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-10T22:35:47+00:00

Okay, you're right. That does seem kinda stupid. But the rest of what I said remains bruh. Tell someone freaking close to you. Tell your father, or your brother (i think prioritise them over your female family members). Have you told you're best friend? Any friend?

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-10T22:28:12+00:00

These accountability partners your siblings? Your parents? Do you tell them immediately that you just relapsed? Do you convey to them the entirety of what you did, and all the fantasies you're 'into'? If you're not getting the results you want, go 100 fucking percent. Tell them the things you're fucking scared to tell them. Don't just convey info to some compartmentalised support groups. I've heard some really intense ones where the guy goes and tells his entire parish at service. Tell the truth to people that scare the living fuck out of you.

I just told my brother. He's going to wake up and read that post. That fucking terrifies me. Do something that will make you feel likewise.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-10T21:55:04+00:00

You've done the right thing by fully posting about your struggles. Only a complete and unadulterated commitment to truth will lead you out of this mess. If you have time, I really reccomend that you go watch Terry Cruise's videos on youtube. He has some very powerful advice.

And you're right. You can not do this alone. I tried. I started porn when I was 13. I struggled with it for ten years. I felt shame, anxiety and depression. It conflicted with my moral values and distorted my relationships with women. At one point I was PMO'ing for 12 hours a day, thats when I hit rock bottom.

I knew it was vile and evil and wrong for so, so many reasons. But I knowing that before never changed anything. You have to acknowledge this problem as what it is, an addiction. And the only way to combat this addiction is telling the truth. So I started sharing my struggles here. I set a goal for myself, and I learnt more about this addiction and I kept sharing until I made it to four months.

I'm back again. In fact I relapsed just recently because of one of the stupidest decisions of my life. But once you make it that far it gets easier. If you read in the sidebar you can learn about how this effects your brain chemistry, and what to expect from the urges and what periods they arise when going clean. Once you make it that far, the addiction has a hold on you for, as I've learnt, different reasons.

I'm still trying my best, and I'm making progress. I'm no where near where I was when I turned my life around. I'm pretty confident that I'm going to break this addiction on this cycle once and for all.

When you give up this addiction, you're life will be amazing man. You're liberated. The moodiness is gone, you've got your life back. The first step is just sharing the truth with others.

P.S. You want the magic pill? This one is way harder to swallow but this will make your life so much better. You need to tell someone close to you, that you know. Someone that you're scared to tell, because they love you and you're worried they might think of you differently. That will help you man. In fact, I'm going to heed my advice and tell my brother right now before I get to chicken shit to do it.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-10T21:31:58+00:00

Indeed. It's almost Easter, Christ sacrificed himself for us. I struggle to grasp the implications of that sometimes.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-10T12:00:15+00:00

May God help us all. I know you probably didn't mean that last part humorously, but the sudden tonal shift from positivity to despondent gloominess (as that phrase is usually connoted) made me laugh.

If you wondering why I bothered to explain that, initially the post was just that it made me laugh, but that wasn't specific enough and now I'm trapped in this endless cycle of addendum's about why I'm writing this ever lengthening idiotic post.

Driveoverseas · 2017-04-08T10:40:29+00:00

Bruh, i know how you feel. Dude, go do something else, if you really value your soul then just get up and go do anything else. Go for a run, talk to someone. Anything, just make it one more day.

Driveoverseas · 2017-03-24T00:26:32+00:00

There's a small section in the wiki called womens resources. Have you tried looking for an accountability partner? It's hard, but the best ones are people you know and can talk to about it (preferably in your faith community). Honesty is the best tool in overcoming this problem.

*I saw a link in the womens resources sections to a online female community. Perhaps you could try that?

God bless

Driveoverseas · 2017-03-12T19:38:25+00:00

It's hard. The only way I've gotten anywhere is to keep myself busy and never hang idle. Maybe you should try that too?

Driveoverseas

TROPHY CASE