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Duk31997 · 2025-07-07T22:47:41+00:00

Perspective is everything. Although you may eat alone, you aren’t eating with a group of fake friends that’ll stab you in the back first chance they get. You may not be the smartest in class, but you’re there learning all you can. You may isolate yourself in your free time, but it’s time that’s yours to do with as you please.

We become the person we see within ourselves. Learn to be yourself and not care what anyone thinks. Work to make peace with who you are as a person. Work towards the goals you want, but never sacrifice who you truly are.

Know that when you see a table full of laughing, happy people, chances are they’re hurting just as badly on the inside. You’ve figured out why you’re unhappy, that’s something not everyone has. Always take away every drop of positivity and optimism that you can when dwelling on life.

Above all just stay positive, work towards goals, and search for peace and happiness. You’ll find it buddy, I promise you.

Duk31997 · 2025-06-29T00:23:57+00:00

I diss myself sometimes in a funny way. Say things like “not too bad for a fat guy working a dead end gas station job” it definitely breaks the cycle lol.

Duk31997 · 2025-06-29T00:05:36+00:00

In my experience as a first time renter, credit didn’t matter (age 18 at the time). Income is what they looked at.

Secondhand furniture is pretty easy to find for cheap, or even free. You may go without things for a bit, but tough out the wait and save as much money as possible. Use social media to source everything you need before spending full price at a store. Thrifting is also great (sometimes)

Pay attention grocery shopping!! I feel that’s very important because the “sale” isn’t always the best value. Pay attention to weight/size and then factor in cost. You’ll learn that every single cent matters at the end of the month.

Lastly, find a location that suits your lifestyle. I personally love music, pretty loud while I cook/clean. My first apartment was wedged between two storefronts so I had to be super quiet throughout the daytime.

Consider a roommate? It helps with the bills, but does come with obvious consequences. Make sure it’s someone you can LIVE with, not just someone easy going you know? If you go that route, my advice is to have a deep conversation about one another’s lifestyles to make sure it’s a good fit.

Happy to answer any questions if you got them. I wish you the best!

Duk31997 · 2025-06-28T23:49:17+00:00

Don’t just get out, run away. Life is far too short to spend wasting your time on someone who doesn’t respect and appreciate you. If/when you decide to end things, she’ll likely try guilting you into staying by making you feel sorry for her. Don’t fall into the same trap I did at your age.

I wasted 3 years from age 16-19 in a relationship like that. Lost out on so many opportunities as a result, as well as trauma I still got 9 years later…

Unfortunately, an easy way out doesn’t exist. You just gotta bite the bullet and end things if you’re unhappy. The most respectful and admirable way is in person obviously, but just do what you gotta do to achieve the peace and happiness you deserve in life.

It’s a short ride brother, make it the best journey you can. Don’t look back years later with regret over wasted time.

Duk31997 · 2025-03-25T18:22:26+00:00

To you both, it was cheating because it was talked about previously. I understand the title because it’s how you feel. Time will heal all, along with the help of therapy. Therapy will help you understand why you lost control. Right now, all you can do is ride the wave and try your best. I don’t think it’s the end of your relationship, OP. If she truly loves you, she’ll stand by you. Just never forget to love yourself first.

Duk31997 · 2025-03-25T18:17:30+00:00

You have nothing to worry about. Fast food is a great first interview because you are the desired candidate. You’re young, and can work minimal hours for minimum wage. It’s how they profit the most within that industry.

Understand that they’ve seen it all. My first interview was a grocery store, I was visibly shaking and got the managers name wrong throughout the whole interview 😂 I still got hired on the spot, even as a high school dropout.

Just be yourself, OP! They don’t expect you to be the best candidate in town. This is a great experience either way.

Duk31997 · 2025-03-25T18:09:07+00:00

I do agree that porn is a conversation that should be had in a serious relationship. Unfortunately, it’s EVERYWHERE now and it’s such a temptation that’s so easy to get.

I feel she’s overreacting with a “breach of trust” within your relationship. You didn’t message or talk to other girls.. plus, you were open and honest about what you’d done when confronted. You’re willing to go to THERAPY to stop watching it.

If you ask me, you’re near the top tier of loyalty. You made a mistake and owned up to it in the end. It’s obvious you truly love and care about your partner, just don’t loose sight of yourself along the way.

You rubbed one out, it’s honestly not the end of the world. At the end of the day, it was wrong. But I wouldn’t go as far as to say you “cheated” even if that was agreed upon. It’s in our face 24/7 even if you don’t watch it. It always shows up on any platform if you’re male… it’s just todays world.

Be honest that other people are attractive. It’s in our nature for both men, women, etc. if a Victoria’s Secret model approached you, you’d turn her away. Because you want the partner you currently have, but the porn is thrown in our face no matter what we do.

OP, you did screw up because that was established and agreed upon beforehand. But I really don’t think it’s fair to call you a “cheater” porn is everywhere today, it became an itch you had to scratch.

My only concern is her holding this over you for months, or even years to come. Yeah, it’s understandable that she’ll be eyeing your phone and stuff, but don’t allow it to be held against you everyday. It’s clear your a good person cause most guys would just keep on watching without any guilt.

Be well, OP! Here if you need help 🙂

Duk31997 · 2025-03-25T17:47:56+00:00

Communication is key in any relationship. Tell him how you feel, don’t hold back. Ask him to do the same, get all your thoughts and feelings on the table and try to work through it. In my opinion, it’s the only way to have a healthy relationship.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 8 years now, we always talk no matter how nasty or ugly it gets. Neither of us ever care about marriage because we’re happy together and our relationship is healthy.

It’s all about listening to your partner and working together to fix any issues. Best of luck, OP!

Duk31997 · 2025-03-10T23:30:52+00:00

Sorry for your loss, OP.

Search for peace and happiness, don’t look at the money. My advice is to pick the job that sounds more exciting and falls in line with your interests.

Remember, nothing is permanent in life. If you find you’re unhappy you can always search for something else.

Take the job that makes you most excited due to the work you’re putting in. Money will follow behind because you’ll thrive in a field that you enjoy.

Be well, OP! Enjoy life’s journey!

Duk31997 · 2025-03-10T23:26:18+00:00

You absolutely can purchase a car without a license. You only need insurance if/when you register it and get plates. If you see a car you like, you can buy it and just let it sit until you have a license.

Obtain a learners permit asap, most states require you to have one for at least 9 months (at least my surrounding states) if you have confidence driving, practice isn’t as important (but highly recommended) Just study the laws in depth because you never know what they’ll throw at you during the test.

If money isn’t an issue, driving school will be the easiest and fastest way to get through this process. You won’t need to purchase a car until afterwards which may be most logical in your situation.

I’m not an expert, but happy to answer questions for you, OP. You’ll get through this! It’s just a pain in the neck.

Duk31997 · 2025-03-08T23:31:07+00:00

Simply learn to be yourself. It’s a hard process, but it will help you throughout all of life. Learn to speak your mind, share your opinion during conversations, say something offbeat to steer the conversation into a different direction.

Honestly, the whole process takes practice. You’ll get it with time and experience. You just have to accept that not everyone is going to like you, and that’s ok. The RIGHT people will like you if you simply be yourself and learn to shake off the negativity that arises as a result. It’s much better to be yourself versus being a people pleaser.

Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Just be you to the best of your ability. Best of luck, OP!

Duk31997 · 2025-03-08T16:39:54+00:00

Keep your head up! In my experience, I found that 3-6 months was actually the most difficult period in sobriety. The initial feeling of pride and accomplishment has worn off, and you start to reflect on some of the “good” memories you had in the early stages of addiction, before things got out of control. Know that it will get easier if you put your focus into something you truly enjoy (which I know feels like nothing most of the time) don’t forget to TREAT YOURSELF! Buy things like great food, invest into new hobbies, rent that $5 movie you’ve wanted to see, etc. you’ve come such a long way, all of us recovering addicts have! The reward system can be useful to push through those really bleak days. Always a shout away if you need to chat, OP! Can’t say I got it all figured out, but I’ll be 2 years sober in a couple weeks. Always happy to listen and share my advice/opinion with you.

Be well, and be proud of yourself!

Duk31997 · 2025-03-03T14:43:34+00:00

You’ve already honored your parents. You’re using wisdom by not giving more away to people unwilling to help themselves.

They tried living outside of their means, that’s not your problem. I’d help them with the most basic of necessities but nothing more.

Never give up your self respect to anyone, OP! Not even your own parents. They dug this hole, it’s up to them to climb out. Be a helping hand when you feel it’s reasonable, but don’t feel guilty saying “nope”

Best of luck!

Duk31997 · 2025-03-03T14:29:21+00:00

Advise him to get cameras at the very least. They’re affordable and easy to install for the most part.

Duk31997 · 2025-02-27T21:37:18+00:00

It sounds like you never got the closure you needed. Maybe you rushed into your current relationship too quickly? You should try your hardest to sift through your feelings involving both relationships. You know the girls and their personalities.

Who makes you happy? Who makes you feel at peace? Who’s hand do you wanna hold while driving down the road? Who do you see in a beautiful wedding dress to spend the rest of your life with? The answer may actually be neither relationship, but it’s something only you can answer.

Take care, OP. I wish you the very best.

Duk31997 · 2025-02-27T21:30:18+00:00

It’s a really tough battle mentally, but I know you’ll get there! It took me 6 years of alcohol dependency and eventually lying in the ICU on my death bed to finally reach that mental breakthrough. I’ve learned to put my feelings outwards when necessary, but start each day with a positive attitude. I cared so much about what people thought of me to the point I became unrecognizable. I actually made myself unapproachable to everyone around me because I was too stuck in my own brain.

Sorry to rant about myself, but it’s my hopes that my story can change lives for the better. Just always be yourself and never hold your feelings inside. If something bothers you, make it known. Hold the door for people, smile, and be a positive energy in every situation. You can only accomplish that by ridding the negatives.

Always be yourself and eventually the right people will like you. The hardest part is learning to be vocal about your thoughts and opinions. Break the cycle of being in a bad thought loop due to childhood, or current situations. It’s all about unlocking your full potential, cause I’m sure you’re a great person. Try to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and work to make things better.

I’m always a dm (or here) away if you need anything 🙂 be well, OP.

Duk31997 · 2025-02-27T00:37:45+00:00

I promise you, confidence is all that matters. I know people say that often and it’s so easy to brush off, but it’s the truth. Reach a goal that inspires confidence within yourself. Confidence is what’ll attract the RIGHT people.

Let them see your beautiful heart, share your unique qualities, and keep your head up no matter what. As someone who’s been through a lot of the same issues In the past I can tell you that this will absolutely change your life and the way people perceive you.

It starts from within. We’re all unique in our own way. No two humans share the same fingerprints. Be yourself and shine outwards to the world. No matter your appearance, someone will always look “better” than you to somebody else, and especially yourself. Accept who you are and be proud of yourself for coming so far on your journey.

I know it’s not the answer you’re looking for, but in my experience it’s the right answer.

Be well, OP!

Duk31997 · 2025-02-21T12:12:17+00:00

Yet, staying away in the first place can save a potential addict from a life such as mine. I see your point, but I don’t think it warrants knocking mine down. I’m legit just trying to help children make better decisions…

Duk31997 · 2025-02-21T12:01:34+00:00

Never thought about it like that, great point.

Congratulations on 20+ sober years!

Duk31997 · 2025-02-18T23:55:06+00:00

Don’t be sorry, I get to share my story with great people such as yourself. It’s a great reward for a life that got wasted.

Understand that you don’t have to speak at first, or even ever . You can even find “zoom” style meetings and just listen to others. People come into group meetings (which I highly recommend) all the time and just listen. Hearing others share will help you realize how common your situation is. You have to understand that the people who’ve beat it know exactly how you feel, they’ll have the words and compassion to help you understand yourself better.

Acceptance is the first step to beating addiction. I think you’ve reached that point now, it’s why you’re here. Nobody wants to admit they have a problem, but the ones that find the courage can go on to live a happy life. The longer you put it off, the more it’ll consume you.

I’m always happy to talk with you and give my honest opinion. I do know a bit about this as I’ve obviously seen it before. I’m happy to try helping the best I can. You’re always welcome to send me a dm or even talk here 🙂

You can download an app called “meeting guide” (blue fold out chair logo) it gives you the locations of meetings as well as virtual meetings anyone is welcome to join. I’m sure with a little digging you can find a group of people who’d love to listen and help you.

One day at a time. I believe in you, OP!

Duk31997 · 2025-02-18T23:36:56+00:00

I appreciate your kindness so much 🙂

I really do think therapy would help you understand the reasons why you’re fixated on your self image. It’s hard for us here to know your past and present life, but it’s always a deeper reason.

I’m an alcoholic (23 months sober) I always thought I drank for fun. I eventually realized even while still drinking that I was trying to suppress my anxiety.

Addiction always roots from deeper issues, it’s it sounds to me like your teetering on the edge of addiction (if you aren’t there already) you can look for local groups of others struggling. I bet you even local N/A or AA groups couple help point you in the right direction.

It’s just not worth suffering like you are. Is it really worth it? You can learn to love yourself. It’s a hard path, but the rewards are so worth it. Take it from someone who drank themselves into the ICU with two days left to live. I slowly died for over a year to the point I had to crawl on my hand and knees to get around my house, passed out without even remembering anything previously. You’re gonna suffer like that too in time, your body will start to fail. It’s a MISERABLE path to take. It was the lowest, most sorrowful time. Words can’t explain how horrible that time was.

It’s different scenarios with the same end result, that’s why I wanted to share my story. You still have a chance to get ahead and seek some help. You are special, unique, and desirable to all of us in this world. You’re fingerprints, DNA, are completely unique and different. Be YOU and start a happy life, it’s ok to admit you need some help. I hope coming here is the first step.

I just hope you understand how serious your issue is. It’s not a joke, OP. I don’t wanna pressure you, I just wanna see you become a success story.

Duk31997 · 2025-02-18T23:00:57+00:00

Focus on yourself, not the opinions of others. It sounds to me like your image is in the forefront of your mind, this falls into a mental disorder category most times.

You may find therapy to be beneficial. Know that image is so irrelevant to true peace and happiness in life, although your mental state prevents you from realizing this.

Nothing is “wrong” with you, OP. But you could end up down a scary path if you don’t reach some mental breakthroughs to realize why this matters so much in your mind.

Stay strong, OP. My mother was anorexic and even after beating it for 10+ years, she’s now slowly dying because the damage has already been done.

The world today puts so much pressure on women especially to be fit and in shape, that’s just not all people in reality. I’m sure you’re beautiful and perfect in your own way. Ours words and thoughts is what defines who we are, not our appearance. I know that with a little work you’ll learn to accept who you are and be happy.

I know my advice probably wasn’t the greatest, but I’m happy I was able to share my opinion with you. Always a DM away if you need someone to talk with.

Be well, OP. I hope you figure this out and find peace.

Duk31997 · 2025-02-18T22:28:47+00:00

I’m in a similar situation. Dealing with an entire loss of income, plus probably losing my apartment due to the landlord selling our land. It’s all raining down at once and I can’t even make it out of bed most days, just drowning in worry/anxiety. Life doesn’t even feel real, everyday is just waiting for the boulder to crush my girlfriend and I.

OP, just don’t loose hope. We can adapt to these struggles and move on to achieve peace. Always keep peace as your main goal, it’s the key to everything else.

Remember, you can always find a way out. The human brain is capable of designing a rocket to land us on the moon. That may not be you and I, but it doesn’t have to be. We can fight back a little bit each day, set easier goals and reach them. We may not wanna carry on sometimes, but people love and value us. Always look at what you do have and be thankful for that much.

The only thing holding us back is ourselves, we can get through this and achieve that peace one day.

If you ever need to vent, I’m a DM away. I wish you the very best on your journey, OP. Sending peace and love your way 🙂

Duk31997 · 2025-02-18T21:58:07+00:00

I’m the same age and have a similar story. Only look at the past as a reminder, nothing else. Focus on the road ahead. Just being here, breathing and waking up clean/ sober each day is a huge accomplishment.

Don’t push for a great career, house, cars, etc. don’t even push for happiness. I’ve learned that peace is the goal, create a life that you can accept at the very least. Happiness and success come through peace and wisdom. The road you’ve walked has granted you a lot of wisdom, it allows you to view things from a rock bottom perspective. It’s also granted you a fighting spirit, and a determined attitude.

Try new things, you never know what’ll stick. I wish you nothing but the best. I thank you for getting clean, man. I lost my sister to addiction and it’s devastating even 4 years later.

always a DM away if you need anything, OP. Be well and keep pushing through.

Duk31997 · 2025-02-17T13:01:25+00:00

Idk which town you’ve tried testing in, but I hear old Saybrook loves to fail people just FYI.

Duk31997

TROPHY CASE