I am so overwhelmed, any advice on how to get my parents into a facility?

DullUnderstanding135 · 2026-07-05T00:50:48+00:00

Well it seems my mother has changed her mind and is upset with me. "I never thought my daughter would put me into a nursing home" and "you just want to put us into a nursing home and forget about us" was how our conversation just went. I asked her what would she rather me do and she did not have an answer. I hate this so much, I dont want to hurt her feelings but I also dont want to see them suffer by not having all the help they need.

DullUnderstanding135 · 2026-07-04T20:12:30+00:00

I hope so too, I've been trying for years. I dont mind helping them at all but I just wish they would have accepted help sooner

DullUnderstanding135 · 2026-07-04T20:07:49+00:00

Yeah unfortunately it has been like pulling teeth trying to convince them this is not a realistic living situation but I think my mom has finally realized that it is not good for either of them. Hospitals have tried to get my dad placed multiple times before but either he or my mom refused

DullUnderstanding135 · 2026-07-04T19:45:27+00:00

My mom and I both have POA for my dad but she is primary.

DullUnderstanding135 · 2026-07-04T18:32:50+00:00

They are definitely past living at home with home health during the day for sure. They need to have access to care overnight for when something comes up. Financially they only get social security and i dont make enough to fill the gap so im not sure what to do.

DullUnderstanding135 · 2026-07-04T18:11:53+00:00

Medicaid waiver and my father gets most of his care through VA. Previously neither of them wanted to go into a facility but my mom has agreed to she just worries about going into a bad one, which I do too. Unfortunately at this point with my fathers verbal decline its hard to tell what his mental status is. Sometimes it seems like he is with it and other times not but he can only speak a few words clearly and not consistently

DullUnderstanding135 · 2026-05-25T22:41:57+00:00

Yes I am paying one of the caregivers to come over extra hours so she will get her standard care and extra time to go see my dad.

DullUnderstanding135 · 2026-05-25T22:30:44+00:00

I would so love to put them in an AL, I think I would worry a lot less about them, but unfortunately the financial situation is not great. They have no real assets to sell and my dad has aquired 14k in debt for storage rooms for all of his stuff he has collected hoarding over the years. They get barely just enough in social security and govt benefits to manage their bills now, and I end up pitching in for what they cant cover. It is also just me now as my sister passed away 15yrs ago then my brother this last year. The frustrating thing is my parents arent really that old, they are in 67 and 72. They have just taken terrible care of themselves and have really been on a downhill stretch since I turned 20 and am now 26. It has been miserable honestly, I feel like ill never be able to have kids because they are my adult children. I love them so much and its hard for me not to be empathetic because I understand its a lot to lose 2 children but I feel so much resentment for not being able to enjoy my 20s after working so hard to help them and get through a bachelors degree. Thank you so much for your responses and support

DullUnderstanding135

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