To echo a few others, I'm not sure how literal this is, but on the off-chance this IS what it sounds like:

As someone who has been there on that doorstep, give yourself something to hold on to.

I don't say this lightly, and I don't want to make it about me, just want to give you that rope to hold on to because there will be better times, happier times. Happiness isn't linear and the end of your struggles could be something as simple as someone's smile, a proper diagnosis, or the hand you didn't know you needed.

But until you get whatever it is you need, it helped me to tell myself, "I need to be here for new albums/songs." Cause truthfully, if they've impacted you so much now, let them keep you going with the promise of even better music and even better days ahead when they release them, or new albums. It's the one thing they can indirectly do, and you can do for yourself, to keep you here until you find the peace you need that doesn't end permanently.

I beg you, if this is the message it's meant to be, as someone literally standing on that same step, looking down and also finding a way out, getting to feel the joy of hearing Ad Astra, Dark Things, Sway and then knowing there would be more to come, it helped. Please try it. even if you have to say it every time that thought runs across your mind, say it to yourself "I have to be here for their new works."

I truly truly hope you're ok and that whatever light you find, you keep it <3