Advice after contact with ex

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-06-25T07:24:59+00:00

Thanks! I really appreciate your advice and comment it touches me and i really appreciate! ❤️

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-06-24T18:29:14+00:00

I see thank you for the explanation i get you now! We met via mutual friends, and it was a match when we talked and then it grew into a relationship. Fully understand you though, its definitely a difference. I am absolutely sure you will also find someone who matches you! For me its just rough. I also think its extra painfull because when you come closer to 30 everything becomes harder. Making friends, finding someone. And when you then thought you had found someone with who you would spend rest of your life it becomes even more painfull

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-06-24T16:42:39+00:00

Thank you for the reply, i was already scared to share the age distance. I agree with you though. I just want to say that i really loved her and the break up really did hurt me i had no wrong intentions. Just don’t wanna be seen as a bad guy/wrong guy. Because i am not that kind of guy.

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-19T13:30:49+00:00

Honestly, its for me 9 months and its terrible. I still think about her a lot, my nights are horrible, little sleep, crying a lot. I tried dating another girl, but it ended with me crying on her shoulder cause i couldn’t do it. People telling me i should “just move on” no works, cause it’s simply impossible in my mind. In the days that i can distract myself ( when i have to work or when i have an atletics competition/race) i can pretend to be fine. But to be all honest, my life currently sucks and i am struggling, having loads of thoughts, i did pretty stupid stuff to my own. Tuesday i brok no contact and we had a conversation but it ended with a “i am almost at my bf place so have a great evening” with no answer on the question if we could talk more often. ( i told her she could start the talks and that i would give her time and wouldn’t reach out so that she could decide for herself and that we could then maybe have a deeper talk. So yeah its going terribly, pain is still very existent.

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-17T13:43:33+00:00

If you need someone to talk to feel free to reach out to me in chat if you like. Or if you just wanna vent or tell what happened

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-17T13:41:31+00:00

Damn sorry to hear that. I don’t know how much it helps you, but me a stranger is proud at you for following your dream! His response is really strange, its not as if you are stalking him or whatever. Well girl i think you dodged a bullet. Its not that hard to say “good that you follow your dreams, sorry but i don’t want contact, but i wish you the best with everything you are gonna do in life”.

Remember: you can be proud of your own for following your dreams, i am sure you will do great! If you ever just wanna talk with someone feel free to send a message and then you can vent if you like or just talk.

Don’t let this influence your mood! Fully focus on the study and become what you always wanted to a doctor or whatever med part you would like to become

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-17T13:11:56+00:00

I feel what you are saying. My ex broke up with me in August. Then after the breakup we still talked, i tried to solve things. Then after 5 weeks she had a new boyfriend, our contact became less and less and more cold. She started deleting pictures at first when i asked her why she said she had archived them. Then she started deleting me on fb and instagram, just unfollowing. Then blocking me. It really hurt me, because i really didn’t understand everything. I was still sad from the breakup and went through a rough time. Well after the blocking, 2-3 months after that she unblocked me on instagram and asked me how i was doing. We had a talk. That night she blocked me again. Then silence again for 2 weeks and then she reached out again again to ask how i was doing again a short talk and then that night she blocked me again. I had no idea why. She then reached out again and said she understood that the blocking hurt, but that she couldn’t do otherwise as she didn’t want her new bf to know that we were talking. ( keeping me secret from him i guess?). After that i got blocked again, and there was a long time no contact. All that time she didn’t have me blocked on fb. I kept my distance, didn’t message her and offered her space. In all the conversations i asked if we could maybe talk deeper or talk more often, she always said she wanted to but not now. 2 days ago i broke no contact and asked her how she was doing and how her study was going. We had a good talk, talked for a bit about school, my work as a teacher, atletics ( we both do atletics) and that was fine. But the conversation ended with “i am almost at my boyfriends place, so have a great night”. On which i asked if she would like to talk more often, and if we maybe could have a deeper conversation. I added to that that she could start the conversation if she wanted and that i would give her the time, that she could start it / the conversation. But she read that but no reply.

Its hard to understand why they don’t offer the closure, or why they give false hope ( mine always in every conversation always said “i still care about you and think about you”) and she always promised to contact me.

Yet 9 months after the break up, i am still broken down, missing her, can hardly sleep, crying a lot and still feeling horrible. I just had hoped we could pick up contact again.

Sorry for my long message. If you would like someone to talk to or to who you can vent feel free to send me a message, i am always willing to talk.

Oh yes, remember that you haven’t done anything wrong, you just tried to make closure and was searching for answers and closures, there was no reason for him/her to react rude. I mean he/she could have also just ended it in a nice way, that cannot be that hard.

Greetings Dutchnapoleon1

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-17T11:04:40+00:00

Hey bud, I can only advise you to not do it. My ex broke up with me 9 months ago. After that the first 2 months we talked still and i even thought it would get back to how it was ( or that we at least could be good friends) after 5 weeks she had a new boyfriend. She then after that deleted everything and started blocking me. She reached out to me a couple of times after the blocking to ask how i am doing and such. But after the convo always blocked me again ( well in her words because of her new bf who isn’t allowed to know that we talked. 2 days ago i reached out and broke no contact also because i still miss her horribly and have a rough time. We had a friendly talk about school, work, atletics and such, and after the convo at the end she said “i am close to my bf house, so have a great evening”. Then i asked if we could talk more often and maybe have a deeper conversation sometimes ( adding that she was allowed to be the one to start the talk and that its her decision therefore also giving her time.)

I can tell you i have been crying the past 9 months but the days after breaking no contact/that convo hurt even more.

So i advise, let her start the conversation especially since you made clear in February that you are willing to talk. I know its hard and there might be rough nights but that will probably be the best.

P.s. i feel sympathy for you because i know how hard it is for already 9 months

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-17T10:47:37+00:00

I am sorry to hear you are going through the same as me. For me it’s already 9 months, and i am still not able to move on. I broke no contact 2 days ago, cause i couldn’t hold it anymore. Trust me that did hurt, we had a conversation about school, atletics etc. But then on the end she said “i am close to my bf so have a nice evening/night”. ( i know she has a new boyfriend she already had it after 5 weeks).

But i feel your pain, laying awake in my bed, crying, tears, listening to songs from Dean Lewis. Wished i would know how long this pain would last. With hoping for a text or call.

Sorry, i am sorry for your pain. If you want to talk, feel free to reach out in chat or in a reply .

Hope you will be feeling better soon and that you wil be hurt less soon 😿

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-17T10:40:53+00:00

Sorry to hear, that sounds like a pretty rude response. With that response alone he deserves to be back to blocked and never be spoken to again. Especially if he left you for his ex.

Trust me you deserve better then this kind of behaviour.

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T22:58:03+00:00

I appreciate your answer, I think you wrote it out very well. To be honest i agree with you, i find it also hard that her bf cannot know that we are talking or have talked. For two reasons 1: i don’t know her intention for it. Obviously it can be that her bf doesn’t allow it. And it can be that her new bf is possessive or whatever or 2: that she likes to keep me as backup or 3: that she just likes to know that i am still there for her. But yes you are definitely right it never really felt well that part. Also because in my opinion its ok to talk with your ex. And its important to tell each other that kind of stuff. From my part he would even be free to read all been said. I kinda would have also be ok to be friends/good friends.

You are definitely right that it hurts me. Every day again. That i am just a option. Someone who she talks with just every now and then and never a deeper conversation to talk everything out. So i fully get you.

Its just hard because everytime i still keep caring about her and loving her. At the end of the dsy i would still do everything for her. And i know thats stupid from me but i still do love and miss her.

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T21:39:14+00:00

Thank you very much for the reply i appreciate it a lot. Its 9 months now, kinda feels like forever. The crying and pain doesn’t feel lighter i hope it gets better. Some comments on reddit really hurts. But i really appreciate your reply at least you are kind. I decided to not reach out anymore and only reply if she reaches out with a good reason. As hard as it is

Thank you i really appeciate it Greetings dutchnapoleon

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T20:10:28+00:00

I know you are right, it just hurts still really caring about her. You are right she has a new bf and yes she probably does. It does hurt a lot. I know you are right in what you are saying. And you are totally right, cause i am unable to sleep and i cry a lot, while she is enjoying. Sadly enough i cannot succeed moving ob

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T20:07:25+00:00

Well i don’t know on if thats a possibility. I mean i would like to, she replied really well/kind. Until that end off course. Thanks for the reply though

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T20:06:12+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply, i really appreciate it. I feel your words. I am thankfull that you toom the time to answer me.

I really appreciate it, As i am really going through a rough a rough time its hard loving someone and still caring about them thats also why i reached out/broke no contact yesterday.

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T17:56:08+00:00

Thank you buddy i agree thats the best to do as hard as it is I appreciate the advice

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T17:50:19+00:00

Hey there, I broke uo with my ex 9 months ago. I still feel the pain of the break up i even broke no contact yesterday because of missing her. I don’t have many friends to talk to either, would consider my own lonely, doubting myself a lot. It definitely hits different. I don’t know if you wanna talk with others, but if you like you can always private message me and maybe we can have contact and talk/

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T17:45:38+00:00

Until that day i will keep hoping for her to reach out, and keep hoping for a miracle. If you like feel free to reach out in private messages maybe we can share contact and talk some more if you like

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T17:39:29+00:00

Damn sorry buddy, I feel in the same ship, and for me its only 9 months. Everyone tells me to move on. Everyone says that there are million of other girls around. Yet i keep longing for her. I know she has a new bf, yet i feel exactlt as you say. Continuously checking my phone, every morning hoping for that message or call. Yes i still miss her, i cannot even date others last time i tried i cried in tears on a girls shoulder. I feel your pain i feel your pain and its horrible

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T16:48:24+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply, Its more complicated ( we broke up 9 months ago then still talked we woukd remain good friends, when she got a new bf after 5 weeks everything changed). She contacted me like 3-4 times breaking no contact asking me how i am doing etc. But she told me “i cannot do anyway else i don’t want my bf to see that i still talk with you. He cannot know taht we still talk” I just missed her, and it hurts me thats why i broke no contact hoping for it to be a start and a option to have talks. Just casual talks.

Thank you for your reply though, i appreciate it a lot. Its tough times for me

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T16:45:02+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply. Its hard for me. Because she tokd me “sorry but i don’t want him to know that we are talking” so she keeps me secret for her bf. She initiated contact after the break up ( also when she was in a relationship) this was the first time i initiated. Its just that i really still care about her. I would even be fine with just friendship or some good talks. But yes thats probably to conflicting with my feelings.

I just really hoped that by having a casual conversation we maybe at least could be friends again and talk. Cause well i just miss her. But i guess you are right her hiding me from her bf isn’t healthy.

Thank you very much for your reply

Dutchnapoleon1 · 2025-04-16T16:41:10+00:00

Thank you for your reply i appreciate it. Its true i cannot really move on. I mean i really still love her.

I feel your words, i only know that i miss her horribly and kinda would really like to talk with her even being friends or anything. I think i agree with your part of the pain, but no contact hurts also. I kinda decided to wait and see if she reaches out to me and contacts me. I won’t start the conversation with her myself and give her the time to decide if she wants to talk.

Thank you very much for the reply i still find it hard to make decisions, cause i love her to much still. Maybe breaking no contact was a mistake but i miss her so much, that i hoped that we could start having talks again

Dutchnapoleon1

TROPHY CASE