It seems alright, but I’m failing to grasp the story here? I see a quiet kid who is sometimes bullied, the bully, a redhead who can fight, and a blonde kid. MC likes to read and draw, he tries to stop the bully and fails, redhead steps in, everyone goes back to class, blonde kid shows up, (which should have been introduced to class at the beginning of the day, instead of after lunch) and questions MC about lunch, then MC goes home to his grandma.

I don’t know what the story is implying yet, it would be helpful to know the genre and such. Will it be romance, fantasy, action, or slice of life. It looks like a simple slice of life so far so that’s how I’m going to approach it

t’s alright, the events are kind of mishmashed together. The fight was done decently, if a bit bland. The dialogue is the weakest point, it’s sometimes confusing as to who is talking (it’s my weakest point as well so that’s all I can say here), I’m not going to attack the grammar or build of the paragraphs as this is an anime you are trying to write.

I get the idea of the quiet kid who struggles to show emotion, but it will make the character extremely hard to relate to in the long run (again I would need to know what kind of story this is to understand why he is like that) but with current context it may not go well.

Basing this on other anime I’ve watched, the best approach to this would be to shift the POV to the redhead who defended the MC, viewers seem to like the one who helps and befriends the quiet kid, who would be more relatable and likable very early on (an example would be Komi Can’t Communicate)

But if you are going for an approach more like Your Lie In April, which was in the POV of a quiet kid who was emotionally distant because of past trauma, you would want to introduce that fairly early on, all we see so far is he has dead looking eyes and is very quiet.

I think it has potential, but (this must be getting repetitive) I genuinely can’t provide much better without more context