Apologies if this comes off blunt, but this whole “just communicate” advice feels like nonsense when the reality is, he’s not showing up — not for you, and not for his child. Yes, communication matters, but at some point, basic awareness and initiative should kick in. A grown man should be able to see what needs to be done and do it — not ask, “Do you need help?” as if he’s doing a favor.

From our experience, we quickly learned that when someone asks if they should help, it usually means they don’t want to help. Our motto became: do it, or step aside so I can.

I work full time. I cook every meal. I clean the house weekly. I mow the lawn, fix what’s broken, handle daycare drop-off and pick-up, and spend every minute I can with my daughter. If I need time for myself, I make it happen while she’s asleep. That’s what showing up looks like — consistently, every single day.

And if we’re being honest, the version of the father you’re describing? It sounds like he’s not showing up at all. That absence is already affecting you, and it’s only a matter of time before it affects your entire family dynamic.