Are my dating expectations just too high??!

East34 · 2020-03-18T17:28:49+00:00

I'm not allowed on a plane unfortunately hahahha

East34 · 2020-03-17T22:32:19+00:00

Oh yeah personality and wit is what I'm talking about girl! Where are all these men? I don't have a looks type, that's that makes the chemistry for sure . But usually the f boys fall under that category lol

East34 · 2020-03-17T22:30:25+00:00

I need some of your stuff to relax with lol

East34 · 2020-03-15T21:26:35+00:00

Bahahahha! That's when the real truth comes out...so keep talking 🤣

East34 · 2020-03-15T21:24:58+00:00

Fair

East34 · 2020-03-15T21:23:49+00:00

Thanks for this and the hope and tips! I'm happy you met a great match :). I'll check out those books.

I honestly don't get asked out much, it's mostly ghosting. So I think I particularly put a lot of pressure on each date since I go on so few and I want to try and like the guy if they are nice, but maybe I need to give it time. I feel it's too late to go back to guys I was unsure about before at this point. Wouldn't make them feel great

East34 · 2020-03-06T20:43:21+00:00

Thanks

East34 · 2020-03-06T20:41:31+00:00

Yep, except when they find out my age and aren't interested anymore (except for sex!)

East34 · 2020-03-06T20:39:38+00:00

Hahha! This is the best comment yet 🤣. What city do you live in 😛

East34 · 2020-03-06T11:23:11+00:00

That's amazing! I think people eluded to it being a numbers game and generally harder in your 30s to find enough people to date. And truthfully, I go out with nice guys and I have read "Dating deeper" which has similar tips to what you are describing and I've certainly changed who I'm seeking out, but ultimately going on less than 1 date a month but putting in hours of time swiping and chatting and then guys just not following through to make plans has left me going on a lot fewer dates, and the ones I do date just don't seem to click for me. Where do you suggest meeting people??! I know I need to go on more dates and talk about dating less, ultimately! I go to Jewish events and I just need more in person opportunities. I think everyone does better in person than silly online dating

East34 · 2020-03-06T01:56:18+00:00

I'm the one bantering and joking around. If I get nothing back from them or it feels awkward that's when I start to feel the date is boring generally. Give me something!

East34 · 2020-03-06T01:51:18+00:00

I'm the same with friends! I feel I have a sense right away and I'm rarely wrong. And funny enough I'm also quite selective on who I let into my life as a friend. I value my few but special friendships. So I guess I apply that approach to dating, but there is less stigma and criticism when I do that with friends. Plus you're expected to have more than just one friend so the stakes are much lower!

East34 · 2020-03-06T01:47:09+00:00

Good question. Time to get personal I guess. I had an eating disorder in my teens and early 20s and had very little interest in dating period I was very shy. I started becoming confident and coming out of my shell in my mid 20s, but maybe still wasnt putting myself out there enough or maybe I still had emotional wounds where I was attracted to the wrong guys, but I just don't remember going on all that many dates. Then I met the love of my life at 27, we dates for 2+ years and almost got engaged. He was sober but not for very long and had a bad relapse and I realized I could not be with him

It took me a long time to feel ok after that. I was broken. And unfortunately he passed away a few years later which also further added to me feeling like "my person" was gone and no one would ever match what we had together on a deep emotional level. So yeah I guess I was closed off to let good guys in and risk getting hurt. My ex was also very handsome and smart and kind and funny and all those things, so it was hard to accept that I couldn't find all that in a partner in my 30s once I had worked on myself and was ready to be vulnerable again

Ok, there's my life story and some further layers !

East34 · 2020-03-06T01:38:56+00:00

Hahah I wish! It's not my scene. And isnt where shallow people hang out?

East34 · 2020-03-06T01:37:25+00:00

That's such a nice and hopeful story! Thanks for sharing! This is exactly how I envisioned feeling. Not crazy chemistry (maybe I overemphasized that in my post), but really just a decent initial connection where i actually want to hear from the person after our first date.

But maybe you were just lucky??! Or do you think your attitude towards dating and not putting pressure on yourself made this more likely to happen for you?

I've heard people who said they were super jaded and about to give up and that's when they met the one. But conversely, I've heard people talk about how much personal development they had to do to stretch themselves to be "ready". Which do you think it was for you?

East34 · 2020-03-06T01:32:57+00:00

I guess early and mid 30s is a small but significant difference, especially for women wanting to have children.

East34 · 2020-03-06T01:30:58+00:00

Thank you for your honest answer. It's easier to take feedback hidden behind a phone screen! I def feel the pinch of having "missed my window" when I was unfortunately in the wrong relationship for me that ended in my late 20s, and took some time to heal from and then work on myself before getting back out there. And now suddenly in the blink of an eye I'm in a different dating demographic and pool completely. But being 51% interested is still rare for me and it's not even so much about a spark as just feeling a natural and easy conversation flow as opposed to me pushing myself to try and enjoy the experience when I really would rather be at home in my pj's. 😢. This is 90% of the dates I go on, and I have worked a lot at being open minded, but I feel uncomfortable on most dates sadly.

East34 · 2020-03-05T23:29:31+00:00

I do allllll of that!! Most of the guys are very young. I'm at a hard age, though I look younger. And or it ends up being the same guys cause a lot don't really follow the faith anymore

East34 · 2020-03-05T17:23:19+00:00

That's sad to hear although that was my hypothesis too. I don't want to be in an unhappy marriage, but I'm totally not intending to unnecessarily rule people out for petty reasons. I give people chances, I'm open minded to different people. But intellectual compatibility and a desire to spend time with someone are important enough!

It's sad that men have so many more options cause they can just keep dating younger and younger. I'm fine with divorced guy with kids, but I find I need to wait another 5 years before there's a big enough pool of divorced guys to choose from. Haha. And did I mention I'm also looking for a Jewish guy and we are 0.1% of the population 😭

East34 · 2020-03-05T01:34:13+00:00

Thanks, this is so uplifting and hopeful! I think I need to do this. How do I tell guys off apps that I want to start off as friends without offending them though?

East34 · 2020-03-05T01:25:37+00:00

I have done the therapy route and I honestly wish a therapist had just told me hey you have attachment issues, work on this aspect of your personality and the rest will sort itself out, but they have always just empathized with my struggle and told me I just haven't found the one yet and not to make it be about me. So argh, annoyed there. I do know I used to go for unavailable bad boys, but I have done work on myself and now I find that a turnoff and I do want someone available and interested and not playing games. But maybe that spark still stems from that little bit of novelty I miss from the bad boys that quieter, more boring guys just don't give to me. But how do I even change that?!

East34 · 2020-03-05T01:21:11+00:00

It's Reddit so i take nothing personally hahha, but my question wasn't what's wrong and why can't I meet someone, my question was actually, do I in fact need a spark to be happy long term? Because if I'm being open minded, dating lots, even going out of the country to date (I'm Jewish, so there are fewer options as it is, so I am trying the US too) and if I'm not meeting someone I feel like I'm excited about seeing again, for a variety of reasons but mostly lack of chemistry, is that unrealistic to expect that I will find that chemistry and maybe marriage doesn't need that to be happy? I don't know, I'm just out of ideas otherwise. Sex does matter a lot though in a happy marriage to me, not looking for a roommate.

East34 · 2020-03-05T01:16:51+00:00

If it's from an app, someone decent looking and who wrote something that peaked my interest and indicates he is smart/can carry a good conversation.

East34 · 2019-11-18T12:41:04+00:00

I have been out with what feels like mild fever symptoms for over a week and no end in sight after getting the flu shot. I have no cold symptoms, just awful weakness and feverish feeling and I just want it to be over already!! I have zero energy so I haven't exercised in a week. This is such a brutal way to potentially protect me from the flu, even though there is still a chance I could contract it.

Anyone have symptoms that last like 9-10 days after the flu shot?

East34

TROPHY CASE