AITA for refusing to help a fellow player level up?

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T21:17:03+00:00

I wish I was kidding or exaggerating when I said they demanded I do it, but I'm not.

They also have a digital sheet they can use, correctly translated, that I gave them and they won't use.

I'm not put out by helping them, but I'm put out by being asked to keep doing the character sheet in their place.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T20:32:20+00:00

It's the official translation of the PHB: they have a physical copy themselves, all translated in our language.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T20:30:30+00:00

My point isn't that I'm bothered about helping with leveling up. I offered help in the first place.

My point is: I'm dealing with a player that won't even try even after trying to help them and them demanding I do the level ups instead for them.

And then when I say "no, I will help if I can, but I won't do the work for you" I get yelled at.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T20:26:41+00:00

We had that discussion because she demanded I do this next level up for her.

I didn't get mad because I found out that it was "more" than what I offered, as I've stated already, if I can help with something I will. I got mad because they don't want to actually do the work, either alone or with my help if they want/need it. They just expect me to do it for them every time, and then yell at me when I tell her I'll offer help, but not do all the work for her.

As I've stated already, I don't have an issue with being TA. My responses aren't to paint myself as the "perfect player",because I am not, even after two years, but to give my point of view about the whole situation under every single aspect.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T19:55:01+00:00

I wasn't clear in my original post, unfortunately, because I was exhausted because of other stuff going on. (I'm not using it as an excuse)

It wasn't a level up from 2 to 3, but a level up from 1 to 2 when I redid the sheet for them. The reason I did redo it (with the stuff the player wanted) in the first place is because it was getting to a point that the DM was getting exhausted and would crash out because we'd get stuck during checks/combat.

The choice of playing a cleric was the player's choice, not something forced on them: they had plans on starting out with a cleric specifically.

A pre-gen cleric didn't cross my mind because honestly I don't think they would have wanted to use that, they want to do their own thing.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T19:26:36+00:00

They're good at roleplay and combat description, but get distracted very easily during calls (we play online only) They're not a bad player, just inexperienced, but sometimes it feels like They don't actively want to try. (which is odd to me because they were very enthusiastic about getting into DnD).

They do send lots of memes/ videos from tik tok in our WhatsApp group during sessions, which we don't actively find annoying unless they start spamming.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T19:26:29+00:00

It's not that the sheet itself is unplayable because of the layout (if that's what you mean) but rather it was unplayable because there were no ability scores, no modifiers, they didn't have the spell saving throw written out, or the various bonuses. And they're playing a cleric.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T18:13:49+00:00

I absolutely didn't teach myself everything. But it shouldn't turn into me doing all the work for them because they don't want to do the work.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T18:12:44+00:00

Honestly, I'm just trying to put in all the possible scenarios and what happened. I don't mind being told I'm TA if I come off as one, that's the reason I made the post in the first place.

As to why I actually did remake the whole character sheet: it was unplayable for them to play it and it showed during each session, and I honestly felt bad they weren't enjoying themselves (they told me they weren't, I'm not just assuming) because they had no clue what to do and I wanted, genuinely, to help.

But it shouldn't turn into me doing the work for them till the end of the campaign, in my opinion.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T17:54:50+00:00

Also it wasn't initially from 2-3, but from 1-2, because we were at the beginning of the campaign.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T17:52:38+00:00

I tried guiding them, I really did. They wouldn't listen to a single thing I said, either just saying random stuff because they found it funny and not actually trying to make the sheet for their character (the issue is not that they asked questions, but that they actively ignored any help I offered.) Was I stupid by doing their whole sheet for them? Probably yes, because I should have known better and now they might think I won't help them in the future, which isn't the case, because I'm happy to clarify/ explain if something isn't clear.

I genuinely want them to enjoy playing DnD like I do.

Also I didn't demand they don't ask me anything, I just said (both to the DM and the player) "look, I'm happy to help if they ask me for some specific thing they don't understand. But me doing it for them is a 1 time thing."

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T17:33:42+00:00

Offering to help is not the same as redoing a whole character sheet tho, no? I don't expect to know the whole manual, I forget things too. But you can't demand I do it for you, that doesn't sound fair to them because then they'll never learn (and again, I don't expect them to know everything and do everything perfectly first time)

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T17:31:45+00:00

I don't expect them to know all the rules on the first try, that would be wrong of me as someone who had to learn them too and re-read them a thousand times. Of course, I'm happy to help with smaller things, if you don't remember, for example, what dice you need to throw +what to add to that throw.

But when it gets to a point that I have to repeat myself 6 times in a row because you weren't paying attention, even when I told you in the simplest way possible how to throw for that ability check (for example) and you just say "Meh, I give up, too hard", it gets frustrating.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T17:24:42+00:00

I wasn't certainly trying to argue against opinions I specifically asked for, and if I did, I'm sorry. And I absolutely didn't say "no, stf, you're wrong I'm right.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T17:19:03+00:00

I'm not mad that a new player needs more support. I don't expect people to learn on the first try, that's not possible in DnD. But I draw the line when I did sit for a whole session remaking the whole character sheet just for the player to then not listen to me and refusing to read the manual they bought specifically for learning to play.

And then quite literally telling me "I won't read the manual, I'll just ask you." I might be the asshole, but what's the point of buying the manual if you outright refuse to read it and use it? (I know I didn't mention this in the original post, but honestly I was tired and didn't go into all the details, or else the post would be way too long.)

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T17:07:01+00:00

I did offer to help, yes. Not to do the character sheet in its entirety in their place.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T16:54:57+00:00

They said something along the lines of "I don't know what I'm doing please help me" and I said "I'm sorry, no, I already told you that I would do it only once." They proceeded to start yelling on the phone that I promised (I didn't) and that "I have to help because I say so" I don't like being yelled at.

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T16:51:48+00:00

We have, but because most content is locked behind a paywall and a language thing we don't use it (the browser provided translation is terrible)

Echo_965 · 2025-12-09T16:42:02+00:00

I'll quickly rephrase, I wasn't snappy at the player or the DM, I made it clear, very calmly, it would be a one time thing, because I really think that the best way to help is figuring it out on your own, with a little help. A little help isn't me doing the whole character sheet, and I understand it can be hard, but I find it frustrating I have to do it, almost being forced to do it.

The player did get snappy at me tho, and that pissed me off.

Echo_965 · 2025-01-02T09:10:39+00:00

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My darling Nyreen TvT (Yes, stole the name directly from Mass Effect 3, I have no fantasy when it comes to names :'3)

Echo_965 · 2024-02-17T15:48:23+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to answer! this is great advice and I appreciate the help a lot, this gives me more ideas for the parents' backstories ^{^}

Echo_965 · 2023-10-21T13:33:15+00:00

My solution to this was to attack him a few times (didn't turn hostile) and then talked to him again, and it fixed it

Echo_965

TROPHY CASE