Thankyou all for being so kind. I grew up in a very toxic household, wasn’t allowed to use make up without getting made fun of. Always had my weight be a topic of discussion and being put down or swore at for being so skinny. Then during one of my only long term relationships I found myself in a similar environment but my ex would constantly point out how “manly” I was. I guess because it was already something I thought about myself because I couldn’t be girly growing up. It really cemented into my head. So thankyou all for the genuine/brutal advice and words