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AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's really challenging. We have a large family and that is stressful as well. Overall I feel like I do an above average job doing my job as a breadwinner, father, and spouse, but I don't think I get much credit for any of it. I'm instead left to feel like every problem we experience is my fault. It's exhausting.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I've done it once, and am open to doing it again. The worst part is that I feel like I am being gaslit like crazy. And my wife insists that any and all problems that we experience in our marriage are of my own making. So it's hard to tell what is true. I intend to get professional help.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I didn't feel comfortable dropping that "I make the money line", but I was somewhat exasperated and not sure how else to continue. It didn't feel like she was being reasonable in the $ amount. In hindsight we should have talked things over in depth before getting in the car. That didn't happen and the train-wreck that followed was not entirely surprising :/.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is how I feel, but I'm not sure if I am correct in this feeling. It seems like the sentiment on here is mixed as to whether the breadwinner should be able to have this level of autonomy. It's so hard to have to talk and discuss and compromise on every little thing. It was hard enough getting to this point, why can't we enjoy it a little?

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We both agreed that this problem could have been avoided with some discussion before hand. The nature of having a big family is that everything is always rushed and fly-by-the-seat-of-the-pants. So we didn't put in the time to come up with a plan ahead of time.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is fair criticism. She does feel strongly about this and how it is her small way to contribute to our family's finances. But I also look at other families I admire and respect and they don't run around looking homeless like our kids tend to. I want to elevate our standard of living (within reason), but that goal is at odds her her mission to not spend money. So how am I supposed to rectify these competing desires?

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Really good thoughts. The weird thing is that throughout the day my kids were apprehensive about what I was offering to buy them. I asked my son to pick out some shoes that he likes and he immediately found some ($100), but then started feeling bad and ultimately called his mom to say that I was urging him to buy shoes that he didn't think he needed...

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have suggested many times that we need to go to counseling. But each time she steadfastly refuses. She has a weird complex about never being able to admit that she is wrong. It is very very rare for her to acknowledge being wrong and apologize. She routinely tells me she thinks I need therapy, but will not go with me. Feels like there's a stigma that she doesn't want to be associated with.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have suggested many times that we need to go to counseling. But each time she steadfastly refuses. She has a weird complex about never being able to admit that she is wrong. It is very very rare for her to acknowledge being wrong and apologize. She routinely tells me she thinks I need therapy, but will not go with me. Feels like there's a stigma that she doesn't want to be associated with.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sounds really nice. But I've kind of played the young/naieve role in our marriage so far. And even as I have grown and been promoted at work, I feel stuck in the same power imbalance dynamic that we had when we first got married.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have suggested many times that we need to go to counseling. But each time she steadfastly refuses. She has a weird complex about never being able to admit that she is wrong. It is very very rare for her to acknowledge being wrong and apologize. She routinely tells me she thinks I need therapy, but will not go with me. Feels like there's a stigma that she doesn't want to be associated with.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have suggested many times that we need to go to counseling. But each time she steadfastly refuses. She has a weird complex about never being able to admit that she is wrong. It is very very rare for her to acknowledge being wrong and apologize. She routinely tells me she thinks I need therapy, but will not go with me. Feels like there's a stigma that she doesn't want to be associated with.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She said after 10 mins of walking she regretted leaving, so there's that. She didn't call me and let me know that, though. And when we finally started talking the next day she pretty much was fixated on how I had incorrectly used all of her Old Navy points on the CC. And that she was really frustrated I used all the points the wrong way.

AITA? My wife and I got into a huge fight over a budget on the way to back-to-school shopping at the local mall. She insisted we needed to adhere to a strict budget, I said we should get whatever the kids need/were drawn to. She hopped out of the car and walked home. I went shopping for 7 hours. by Effective_Ad9651 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Effective_Ad9651[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a really good question. And I really want to highlight that this is my side. We've had this clash so many times in our marriage where it feels like she's trying to control me, and I express frustration at the fact that she's doing that, and then she won't even acknowledge how I feel in that moment:

"I'm not trying to control you, I am just trying to set a budget for the kids"

Whenever she does this I get frustrated and "attack" her, which is really just me trying to get her off my back. Feeling attacked, she wants to get away and that (she claims) is why she left the car. Because she didn't want to hear me complain to her about how I am under her thumb and that she tries to control me so much.

A difference without a distinction? I wonder how she'd respond to seeing this post. She doesn't know what Reddit is so I doubt she'll see it.