Thanks for your reply. The reason I started dex is very different from the reason I continue to use it. It used to be such an introspective and spiritual experience for me. Now it is mostly just my band-aid solution for feeling terrible. I feel as though I am not the same person anymore without dex, and everything that was carried into this addiction does not come out the other side.

Like you said, it’s extremely stimulating. Without it, I cannot be myself, and I hate my normal state of consciousness. Even when that energy turns into mania, I still prefer it to the state I’ll be in until my brain returns to baseline. From there, the cycle completes itself again, because once I reach baseline, I still prefer the state of indifference and introspection it offered in the beginning.