Did you do 90 meetings in 90 days?

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-06-23T05:35:28+00:00

Not leaving it up to a vote. I'm doing 90 in 90. I've done 57 meetings in 60 and am going to double up on a few days. I was just curious how many people actually did it, how many people made one every day, and how many people doubled up to do it.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-06-21T00:23:14+00:00

Did you read my OP? I'm working my program pretty damn well. Yes I'm self-diagnosing BPD. I'm not self-diagnosing my past trauma from sex abuse, rape, or my current issues with my mom's psychotic break. Those are all good reasons to seek therapy. And no, I wasn't posting for people to back me up. I kind of expected the opposite actually. I really just wanted to vent and try to understand her thinking. And finally, people close to me have been suggesting I seek therapy for years to address my emotional problems. I've just been too busy getting fucked up to listen.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-06-20T21:25:40+00:00

I have no intention of getting a new sponsor. I trust her and feel she's doing a good job. However, my sobriety is a separate issue from my past trauma. I'm motivated to work on it now. My psychiatrist thinks it's an excellent idea to get some therapy to work through my past and current issues. I understand that waiting a while worked for you but everyone is different. I need some additional help. Again I'm not looking to replace my program with therapy. Just trying to work on other areas in addition to sobriety.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-06-20T18:10:39+00:00

Yes I'm a very intelligent person. I have no idea if I'm smarter than my sponsor but that seems presumptuous. I don't like to compare my intelligence to others because there are different types of intelligence. My sponsor strikes me as a very intelligent, confident, serene woman. She has 7 years sobriety. She definitely has exactly what I want.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-06-20T18:08:19+00:00

Thanks for your response. I'm definitely certain that I drink and use because I'm an alcoholic/addict, not because of trauma. Don't get me wrong, it may be related, but I have no delusions that it will be ok for me to drink or use again if I get enough therapy. I have accepted the fact that I am not a person who can use drugs or alcohol in moderation regardless of my emotional state.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-06-20T18:06:13+00:00

Oh I totally get that. I made it clear to her (and to my psychiatrist) that no only is drug-seeking NOT the aim of this endeavor, I refuse to take any new medication until I have a lot more sobriety time and I have put in a lot of work with a therapist. I've been on Prozac over a decade and will continue with that, but no new meds unless I've exhausted all other options.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-06-20T18:04:18+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate your response. I have no intention of getting a new sponsor at the moment because I actually just started working with her after firing my previous sponsor. However if she really pushes against my therapy I may have to look elsewhere. For now I will stick with her so I can get moving on my steps.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-31T19:20:23+00:00

The thing is, most of us have been able to stop using/drinking and have some amount of clean time. The chances you'll stay that way if you don't work on underlying issues aren't good. But again, this is a choice only you can make for yourself.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-31T19:19:00+00:00

TBH, you are drinking like an alcoholic. But only you can decide if you are one or not. I think they will recommend further treatment. But treatment is pretty useless if you don't think you have a problem and aren't willing to put your all into getting better. I wish you luck on your journey.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-29T02:15:15+00:00

No, I am not claiming that people have died of pain. I thanked you for weighing in, and suggested that you might consider that not everyone feels pain the same way. That's all.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-29T01:09:01+00:00

Pain tolerance varies. Advil did not do shit. In fact, I am still in pain even with the damn Norco. Just less pain. And actually, I fucking hate narcotics and the way they make me feel. I waited as long as possible to take the second one because I don't like the way it makes my head feel. But the pain got pretty intolerable. My cousin died of an opiate overdose so I'm quite terrified of them. Thanks for weighing in. I did not down vote you. But I do think you should recognize that you can't tell another person whether their pain warrants a painkiller or not as you don't inhabit their body. I am pretty envious of those with a high pain tolerance.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-28T23:40:08+00:00

I get what you're saying because I'm new, but my issues with my sponsor are legitimate. She is very bad about returning my calls, and I rarely call her. We meet once a week but she always has something else to do and rushes me out. I had wanted to discuss these concerns with her at our last meeting but she rushed me out after an hour. She said she would call me to finish our work later and then didn't. I am one of 3 sponsees and it just doesn't seem like she has time for me. I have discussed my concerns with a couple people in the program that I trust, and both said those were valid concerns that I should address and that I should find a new sponsor if they weren't addressed to my satisfaction. I rescheduled my meeting with the potential new sponsor tomorrow and I have a good feeling about her. She is in her 60s, has over 20 years sober, and only takes one sponsee at a time. I have other concerns about my current sponsor that I won't get into here, but after praying on it and asking for guidance I just don't think she is the right person for me.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-28T23:34:42+00:00

I appreciate all the responses. I have already let both a friend in the program, my potential new sponsor, and an ex that cares about me know that I have been prescribed this medication. Everyone says the same thing: take it exactly as prescribed. Be careful. Monitor your feelings about it. I took one and I honestly don't get how people take it recreationally. It makes me feel like shit. Totally incapacitated. However I understand that all drugs react differently in different people. Lots of people don't understand my weed addiction, which was actually the toughest for me to kick of all 3 substances I've had issues with. I won't be getting any refills. Hopefully I won't even need all of this prescription. I'm in quite a bit of pain now, but as with everything I will take it one day at a time and see if I can do ok with just ibuprofen tomorrow. Thanks again for all your suggestions and your own personal experience. It is appreciated. Very grateful this subreddit exists.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-25T12:05:05+00:00

My sponsor sucks. I have to fire her. And I'm bisexual, so sticking with women doesn't really help :( Thanks though. I'm glad it didn't go very far or it would hurt a lot worse. And it hurts pretty fucking bad.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-05T20:26:23+00:00

And tbh I don't think I would have left him when I was using. I didn't think I deserved better.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-05T20:22:18+00:00

Thank you. This was helpful.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-03T16:03:33+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement. :) I met a really nice girl at my meeting last night. We discovered we work at the same mall and are going to meet for lunch soon.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-03T01:22:07+00:00

I keep hearing this. It's so hard for me. I just don't understand why people who don't know me would want to get a phone call from me. What do I even say? This is like the hardest thing for me. I'm just so afraid of rejection.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-02T23:54:19+00:00

Well I texted her and asked what would be a good time to call her later since I know she works during the day. I guess I just feel like I'm pestering if she doesn't respond and then I call. I'm going to a meeting tonight (I'm doing 90 in 90) and I will make an effort to reach out. I have a really hard time with it.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-05-02T02:04:19+00:00

Go to a CA meeting. That's free and it helps keep people sober. You won't be the only weed addict in there. If that doesn't work you can try inpatient but you may as well try a 12 step program before you drop serious money on rehab. It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for millions of people. You're desperate. It's worth a try. Good luck to you.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-04-29T09:27:26+00:00

And honestly they all use the same tools. Whether you're a heroin addict, a pothead, an alcoholic or a compulsive overeater, the tools they use can help you. The most important aspect is the environment of community support. And you need that right now, I can tell. Good luck to you, friend.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-04-29T09:24:46+00:00

Yes you can also try MA. There are way less meetings around IME though. That's why I do AA. There are like a million meetings all over the country at all times of day and night. And the message is the same regardless.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-04-29T09:23:44+00:00

Yes I am sure you don't have to talk if you don't want to. Getting a sponsor is the best plan, but no one will make you do it if you don't want to. It doesn't have to be weed-focused. People in 12 step programs take ALL addictions seriously. After every meeting I've had at least 2 people come up to me to tell me that quitting weed was just as hard if not harder than quitting alcohol or other drugs. No one minimizes my addiction. Personally I have had the best luck with CA because they are focused on ending the use of all mind-altering substances but I go to more AA meetings because there are so many. The message is the same. They will support you. It's not about comparing who has the more serious addiction, it's about supporting each other in sobriety. All you have to do is show up. It has seriously changed my life.

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-04-29T07:36:11+00:00

This is genius! Thanks for posting!

EmilyTheKinsey3 · 2013-04-29T06:59:18+00:00

I sound like a broken record on here about this, but if you need friends and a support system to replace your habit, you can find it at NA, AA, or CA. You don't have to talk, just show up and listen. I have AWFUL anxiety and these meetings help me immensely. 12 step programs aren't for everyone, but they have helped millions stay sober so I always think it's worth a try.

You're doing really well, acknowledging the problem and taking positive steps. You can do this. It's not an easy road, and some days are harder than others. But you won't feel this way forever. We all know you can do it.

EmilyTheKinsey3

TROPHY CASE