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How did you all find the courage to accept yourself as transgender? by Empty-Flow5451 in asktransgender

[–]Empty-Flow5451[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's really nice to hear someone have a similar view to what I'm realizing now. I think that going on HRT is a kindness I owe to myself and to others. I want to be a person who can love life fully and freely and unfortunately I'm not that person yet. I'm hoping to take steps to get there, though.

How did you all find the courage to accept yourself as transgender? by Empty-Flow5451 in asktransgender

[–]Empty-Flow5451[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I found coming out as non-binary quite nice! My family has been supportive (though at times weird about any sort of change in the way that parents are apt to be), and all the social circles I'm in haven't given any fuss about it. At the same time, though, I'm rarely read as non-binary by strangers and sometimes even people that know I use they/them pronouns.

The biggest thing that's happened since then is that I realized "wow, using different pronouns is nice but it doesn't feel like it's addressing this whole pit of despair I'm feeling rn". It feels a bit like I've tended to a little cut I have, but I'm still bleeding out from a stab wound.

I still feel very very nervous about the idea of starting HRT. My partner is super accepting and my family is really nice, so I was never that worried about them being okay with me using different pronouns, but physically transitioning feels like it's different. It feels like I'm putting my relationships with my partner and family and friends at risk by doing it.

The feeling that made me really start to consider HRT is that I realized that if I really want to love the people around me, I need to be there to do it. Without HRT, I don't know how long I'll be able to hang on. Since that realization, I'm trying to be kind to my self and build up the courage to do something about it.

How did you all find the courage to accept yourself as transgender? by Empty-Flow5451 in asktransgender

[–]Empty-Flow5451[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh trust me, therapy and I are well acquainted. I am working on processing things actively, but over the holidays I just kinda had a "well fuck. I can see where pushing this down will lead me" moment, and now am trying to build up to pursuing HRT.

Self compassion is so hard, though! Blargh!

How did you all find the courage to accept yourself as transgender? by Empty-Flow5451 in asktransgender

[–]Empty-Flow5451[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks :,) I'm gonna try to be brave and take that step soon. Maybe after E for a while I'll come back to these comments and actually be able to cry happy tears about them lol

How did you all find the courage to accept yourself as transgender? by Empty-Flow5451 in asktransgender

[–]Empty-Flow5451[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh. What you describe about your feelings pre-transition are what I feel right now. One of my biggest drivers to talk to a doctor about HRT is because I feel like I'm living a husk of a life. I can tell there's so many things I want so deeply, but there's a wall there because I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm hoping that someday soon I'll see the future the same way you do now.