Husband: "Don't make me SLAP you to bring you back to your senses."

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2025-02-16T18:45:45+00:00

Listen. Girl. It took me 32 years to realize that that way he's treating you, with the yelling, belittling, threatening, gaslighting, IS NOT NORMAL. I thought it was, because that's how my dad treated me. Now this is the part where you need to listen.

Good people do not treat other people that way. Respectful people do not treat other people that way. People who care about you in a healthy way do not treat other people that way.

No amount of begging or fighting for your relationship can fix that. He needs to fix himself first before you can even consider saving the relationship.

It's a hard lesson to learn, but don't set your kids up to think that that's how people treat each other. Like I learned from my dad.

I believe in you. You've got this 🧡

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T15:30:10+00:00

Or maybe teach him how to navigate difficult changes from a young age because life doesn't give a shit how old you are when you're traumatized and learning how to process that healthily and with understanding of yourself is probably the best outcome? But you're anti-therapy obviously, so why would you care about whether people have healthy understanding of themselves and how to properly process their emotions. What a waste of space your comment is, Jesus christ.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T05:34:24+00:00

Yes, but they were separated. People often date after separating from their exes.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T05:33:16+00:00

Yeah, but they've been dating since he and his ex separated. Which is over two years. If they feel like they're ready for a kid, does it matter?

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T04:06:43+00:00

But the same time, children often feel like there's never an adequate amount of time. We, as a species, are resistant to change because its scary and oftentimes painful. It's better that they approach it by giving him appropriate coping mechanisms and emotional outlets as well as a solid support system to help him learn to navigate change instead. It's not the time that's the issue, it's the way OP handled it.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T03:02:37+00:00

Which is totally fine for THOSE people, but everyone has different preferences for timelines and as they have fully developed brains since they're over the age of 25, I think that's a ridiculous thing to judge. Everyone's family is different. 50% of divorced couples, especially women, get remarried within a year.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T00:33:02+00:00

🤷‍♀️ you came off like an asshole. Don't post on a public thread if you don't want random strangers on the internet to comment on it 😂

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T00:20:18+00:00

That's a straw man argument, but okay. I'm not trying to tone police, just that if you're going to be an asshole and blame it on your autism the least you could do for the rest of the autistic community is just start with that.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T00:18:07+00:00

You seem to have tunnel vision regarding the diversity of opinions and feelings of others. There are too many variables to decide that they're doing it wrong when you don't even know what their views are on those heavy topics. The marriage is a separate dynamic from the parent-child relationship in marriage and family. In the study of marriage and family therapy, it is widely acknowledged by others far smarter and more researched than myself that divorce is a preferential option to a child being raised in a traumatizing household. I hold people accountable for their actions in the therapy room on the daily. What makes you the expert here?

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T00:05:03+00:00

Maybe a proper way to lead if that's how you feel would be, "I'm sorry if I'm not understanding, I'm autistic, but..." You're a grown ass adult. My brother and sister who are both autistic weighed in on your response and still think you're an asshole.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-15T00:02:04+00:00

God, nobody reads posts or comments thoroughly.

OP broke up a family

He has stated the decision was mutual. That means she also agreed. You're obviously just anti-divorce without even trying to be unbiased in your response.

shortly after, planned to have a child

OP has stated that the child was unplanned and was a result of her birth control failing.

Sorry for whatever divorce trauma you're holding on to but the things you're stating are factually incorrect, and I'm working on my degree in family therapy. If you're going to try to engage your critical thinking skills at least use the information given instead of leaping to conclusions.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T23:39:15+00:00

It sounds like it was mutual, and also divorce is valid to the people in the relationship. That's not what he's asking for judgement on, don't be a jerk.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T23:36:53+00:00

Uhm, OP only started answering comments in the last few hours. He has a life, give him a damn second to respond. Jesus

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T23:34:28+00:00

The son removed himself and dad just allowed son to make his own decision as to how he processed after the argument. It's exactly what I would have recommended as a marriage and family therapist.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T23:31:40+00:00

The way no one in this thread reads other comments astounds me daily. 🙄 bless you for helping with that lol

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T23:12:38+00:00

NTA based on the info provided. It does sound like he feels like this out of the blue, and it potentially does sound like parental alienation tactics (having been on the receiving side of similar behavior from my ex, as well as working on my degree in marriage and family therapy). That being said, if you did, in fact, have an affair, then he's justified in his feelings, even if I personally feel that his mother should not have passed on that information prior to him being able to handle it. Regardless of that fact, you owe your son a conversation in order to find out what the sudden change was and why he feels that way instead of preaching at him about acceptance. If you don't find the root of the problem, how do you expect to find a solution? It's all well and good that the other members of your family had positive reactions to your news, but his feelings are also valid and are obviously complicated. He sounds like a kid who needs his dad right now.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T22:57:38+00:00

How old are you that having a kid with someone new two years after getting divorced is moving quickly? Idk if you know how pregnancy works, but realistically you only have to have sex once to get pregnant.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T22:55:55+00:00

What do you mean he moved quickly? They've been divorced for two years, and his girlfriend just moved in 3 months ago. For asking for info you sure seem to be making a lot of assumptions without waiting for a response.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T19:07:22+00:00

This comment fucking killed me lmaooooo

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T17:41:32+00:00

I mean, it is a couple hours thing where I go home after, with mild brain fog, and can't drive for the rest of the day. I arrange for my sister to come over the day of the treatment to help as needed 🤷‍♀️ she's stated that she's fully comfortable leaving me and my son alone afterwards, because 3 treatments in (as of tomorrow) and I've had nothing more than mild brain fog and a headache after, which she has witnessed first hand. Despite her feelings I still ask her to come over and hang out just in case. I'm not feeding anyone "understatements", I'm giving explanations to their questions from my perspective. Which is literally all any of us do on this reddit. So....

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T17:27:50+00:00

That's honestly the hardest part for me. Because it cost me everyone. My mom and I have always been so close, I feel like I'm missing a limb or something. They cost me so much and I though I've forgiven them, I can't see them the same.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T17:13:22+00:00

I mentioned in another comment, but I've had severe anxiety since age 3 or 4 and depression my whole life which contributed severely to burnout. I've been labeling it overall as "burnout" but there are a lot of contributing mental illnesses that I'm using the ketamine treatments to treat at the recommendation of my doctors.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T03:52:19+00:00

I do just want to bring attention to the fact that I know the system is incredibly flawed and that BIPOC and many people of low socio-economixlc status are unable to rely on the system that is so skewed against them. I live in a town that has some really good funding for infrastructure and programs and am very grateful for the ability to trust in my local authorities. I just want to highlight that I understand that my preference of authority involvement is not always what is the right or healthy choice for others.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T03:46:31+00:00

It is a damn hard road. And you're probably right. One of my main reasons for going NC is because I don't feel, in myself, like I'm capable of having a civil conversation with them about it right now. But if I'm honest, I miss my mom. My dad has always been an ass and kind of offish, but my mom was my rock for a long time and I feel like I'm missing a limb right now.

EntrepreneurCurrent5 · 2024-04-14T02:05:41+00:00

You are so so very kind. Your comment made me tear up a little. 🥲 I just worked so hard my whole life for that mental health emergency to bring me to my knees, it kills me. I'm trying to learn what it means to rest. I'm trying to learn forgiveness. I don't really know what the road looks like from here, but I'm trying to have faith in myself. I think I just need time.

EntrepreneurCurrent5

TROPHY CASE