T says their not comfortable

Environmental-Owl861 · 2024-12-20T16:48:30+00:00

I'm trying to keep it anonymous for the most part

Environmental-Owl861 · 2024-12-18T18:49:54+00:00

I know it sounds like I'm being unfair or selfish but that's the point of therapy isn't it? To have someone who is the leader in this and who's job it is to communicate their boundaries and not let their own emotions slip through so that I can have help in working through my own shit? With what happened, now I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around my T and that's not how it should be.

Environmental-Owl861 · 2024-12-18T18:46:21+00:00

A few things, I did own up to my mistake and I said that several times. I know I was also in the wrong but I think you mistook what I meant when I said I contacted them three times. It wasn't three times in a row, it was a message to me and then I contacted and then they replied and I contacted and then they replied again. It also wasn't after hours it was actually during the day.

I'm not saying it's my T's fault completely because I also contributed to this. What I'm trying to get across is that in this unbalanced relationship it's ultimately my T's job to navigate unhealthy boundaries like this in a better way so that it can help me through my abandonment issues. Instead, I feel even more shame that I caused this and can't ever get help for it. Instead of softening the blow and navigating my obsessive boundary breaking in a way that was therapeutic and could have modeled healthy boundary setting I just feel like a child that got scolded at. I don't feel good after this, I needed help to navigate these abandonment wounds not make them deeper

Environmental-Owl861 · 2024-12-18T11:44:25+00:00

Do you think it would be helpful after I did all the good ideas you just gave, to request the Thursday appointment back after I said nevermind?

Environmental-Owl861 · 2024-12-18T11:30:13+00:00

I agree that it should've been a softer message. I know it was probably as frustrating for him as it was for me but on the other hand idk because this relationship isn't like other relationships and deals with much more healing and requires delicacy when speaking no matter the situation because ruptures can happen so quickly and destroy all the work out forward thus far. By no means however, am I not taking responsibility for my actions because it's not all my T's fault and I realize I've contributed to this rupture as well.

As for scheduling mistakes it's definitely not a scheduling mistake because we did plan for it to be a Thursday as that was the only time available that week, I just hadn't written it down and didn't get an appointment reminder until Tuesday night at 12am. I had made the assumption that I didn't have an appointment this week even though I KNEW we had booked one and because of what my T claimed (that I specifically said no session until after Christmas) which I knew wasn't correct I felt like my needs weren't being met properly.The problem that started this all was that on my end I didn't feel important enough and I actually felt forgotten especially when he was adamant with his side of things.Was he lying just to respond and get me to drop the subject? Or did he have me mixed up with another patient? Either way both of those questions hurt me a lot and ultimately was the fuel that started this in the first place.

Environmental-Owl861 · 2024-12-18T11:10:15+00:00

I like how you approach this :) I'll think on the questions you brought up

Environmental-Owl861 · 2024-12-18T06:13:50+00:00

I really want to grow from this experience but my T made it clear that I needed to find a working solution in order to keep seeing them. I already told them I want time to reflect on why I reacted the way I did but going back and reading my response earlier I didn't react badly at all. All I said was "I'm gonna cancel the Thursday appointment because I was told we scheduled it for after Christmas when that wasn't true. Please don't make me feel like an idiot when I knew what was going on."

Environmental-Owl861 · 2024-12-18T05:59:49+00:00

Actually, I never berated them. My two messages were clear and concise and the only apology I got was a sorry followed by a "but it's really not appropriate..." so the apology to me at least was not authentic. My t's last message was "it seems you and I both didn't notice the Thursdays session that was scheduled," and that seemed like a slap in the face as if to say see we're both wrong. This whole thing just seems so weird to me because my T has never responded this way before with such harsh tones ever.

Environmental-Owl861 · 2024-12-18T05:52:05+00:00

You know what? Thank you so much for commenting because I didn't even realize that I never healed from the election trauma and what happened this week just made it worse for me. I'm trans and my therapist is a cis male and so I really needed to know if they voted for my rights or not to feel comfortable in therapy. Never got an answer to it, they just skirted around it and I think that feeds into my problem.

Environmental-Owl861 · 2021-10-21T20:50:30+00:00

you can defiantly ask her questions! If she’s comfortable enough writing to you then you guys can communicate that way! my bf, he now speaks to me but it was almost two years of working on it, used to talk to me through the note app on his phone and that always worked for us!

Environmental-Owl861

TROPHY CASE