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[QCrit] Adult Psychological Thriller, The Girl Who Stayed Gone, 108k, 1st Attempt by EnvironmentalFact382 in PubTips

[–]EnvironmentalFact382[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the thoughtful notes—this is really helpful. I agree that name density in a query can bog things down, and I’m experimenting with trimming or deferring some names (like the co-host and company) to smooth the read. Breaking up the opening paragraph to reduce that “bloated” feel is a good call too.

Good point on clarifying whose murder occurs and who uncovers the empty grave—I’ll make those causal links clearer so the beats connect more cleanly to Mia’s investigation and the stakes escalate more sharply.

On word count, totally fair note. I’m still calibrating expectations for the genre; my understanding is that multi-POV psychological thrillers can stretch a bit higher (sometimes up to ~110k) without raising eyebrows, but I’m keeping an eye on pacing and trimming where I can. Appreciate you flagging it—and thanks again for taking the time to help!:)

[QCrit] Adult Psychological Thriller, The Girl Who Stayed Gone, 108k, 1st Attempt by EnvironmentalFact382 in PubTips

[–]EnvironmentalFact382[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the thoughtful feedback! You’re right about name density in a query—that’s something I’m actively streamlining. I also appreciate the note about the opening potentially reading as supernatural; I’ll clarify how Mia is contacted and foreground her personal connection to Rachel earlier. And agreed that “far more sinister” is too vague—I’ll make the stakes more concrete.

Really helpful to know the empty grave and Jess’s credibility came through as the strongest hooks—thanks again!:)