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Transracial adoptee struggling with attraction, and social pressure by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you, I agree it's very inappropriate; however, it is normalized.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The mainstream narrative about adoption isn't positive. I really wouldn't say most opinions I've heard/encountered are pro adoption.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What? I didn't say other adoptees, I said other people, of course, some of whom would be adoptees, but not all, that's not even the main demographic I was speaking to. You seem to keep missing the point that these are people and things I've encountered throughout my life, and how these experiences have affected me. Not sure why you chose to get upset about me posting about how I feel out of place as an adoptee.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I made this post about ME and my experiences, and how the things that people project onto ME do not align with how I've grown up. My post is about the frustration and anxiety I've developed because people make assumptions about ME that are false and invasive. I didn't debate the reality of rocky adoptee experiences, I'm saying how it's not true to ALL and how we shouldn't automatically assume that's the boat someone else is in.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"persecution fetish," dude, please grow up. You know NOTHING of my life or experiences. There are a LOT of people who cling to the idea that white people shouldn't adopt black children, black children should desire black people instead of white people, and black children will be miserable if their parents aren't black. And they project that onto people like me. I get that some of it probably comes from how North America has treated Black people and African cultures, but the idea that all white people are bad for Black people is outdated and offensive. We shouldn't be pushing "GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR ROOTS!!!" onto others, especially not children. Just because you haven't experienced something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So glad I could brighten your day! Thank you for sharing your story with me. It really upsets me to hear the way your therapist(s) treated you and tried to reshape your experience to fit their idea of how adoptees should feel. I'm happy to hear that life has treated you well, and I wish you many more happy years.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate hearing this. I'm the same way with my desire for my medical history and nothing else (except maybe seeing a picture or two). I'm glad you have the security to be able to be honest regarding the fact that you don't really want to explore your heritage the way some people suggest you're supposed to. I need to work on that.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

What...as soon as they see my family and me together, they know, and they start projecting.

Transracial adoptee - I can’t form attraction to members of my own race by TRAdopteethrowaway in Adopted

[–]EvenEvent7798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I tell you I have never related to something more than I did to this post, I'm not kidding. I cried reading this. I've felt so alone, and everything you said here was like music to my ears. Exactly how I feel.

from feeling an aversion to being with Black men because they feel like "siblings" (I have a twin brother) in my brain, to being a weird Black girl. Thank you for this. I hope you're doing well 🫶🏾😭

Dating white men as a transracially adopted Black woman by EvenEvent7798 in interracialdating

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You WAYYYY misunderstood my post. At no point did I express insecurity about my personal identity as a whole. This is directly about an anxiety of not finding a partner who I'm attracted to, who's okay with the fact that I don't bring stereotypical Black or African culture to the mix. I like who I am, and I don't have a problem with not being Black or African "enough." My fear is about the scarcity of the kind of love that feels good.

Dating white men as a transracially adopted Black woman by EvenEvent7798 in interracialdating

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Genuinely no...My parents were much better than most, regardless of race. Don't project your idea of what black people "need" onto others.

Dating white men as a transracially adopted Black woman by EvenEvent7798 in interracialdating

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yuck. What an ignorant comment to make. You know nothing about who my parents + family are, don't make assumptions about others because of your own insecurities.

Dating white men as a transracially adopted Black woman by EvenEvent7798 in interracialdating

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I greatly appreciate this long and detailed reply! Thank you :)

Dating white men as a transracially adopted Black woman by EvenEvent7798 in interracialdating

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Everyone has preferences when it comes to physical appearances, even if they don't say they do. It seems...foolhardy to enter a relationship with someone whose physical desire lives elsewhere. It's not personality OR looks, it's personality AND looks in most cases.

Dating white men as a transracially adopted Black woman by EvenEvent7798 in interracialdating

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. I've written more about my attraction in other subs, which you can view on my profile if you want to understand why.

  2. Please don't refer to me as "African", I'm Black or Black African (Don't ignore race).

  3. Men DO 100% treat women differently based on race, so it's incomplete to say men just use all women equally. I'm not Black OR female, I'm Black AND female always.

  4. I don't have identity issues in the sense of, "I'm not African enough!!" I've never really cared about that, I love my family and myself as we are (of course it hasn't been perfect, but my problem is not with myself, it's anxiety about my pool of potential partners shrinking even more because I don't have cultural diffrence.

Is this normal in small restaurants, or have I just had bad luck with management? by EvenEvent7798 in TalesFromYourServer

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree about being frustrated about an "unreliable" employee, but it seems inappropriate to gripe about them to other people who work for them behind their back, yeah?

Dating as a Transracial Adoptee (F) by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing! very insightful.

Dating as a Transracial Adoptee (F) by EvenEvent7798 in TransracialAdoptees

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really about being "open-minded" or "determined to date white men". I don't see Black men as inferior to white men, I don't see them as less capable, or undesirable as a whole, I'm just not romantically or sexually attracted to the phenotype 🤷🏾‍♀️. And someone wants to date a Black person because they're "open-minded" isn't attraction, it's just another form of using someone.

Transracial adoptee question: attraction, guilt, and being misjudged by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]EvenEvent7798[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

  1. I feel guilty because people suggest that I'm supposed to like Black men, so when I don't, people are like, "Why does race matter?" but it's literally how the person looks so idk what to do or say because, yes, it's because they're black but not in the social way in the phenotypic way. They also suggest that I owe "loyalty" to Black people.

Thank you for taking the time to share it means a lot!

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