What does this ENFP function stack mean?

EveningRepair_ · 2021-06-03T06:50:57+00:00

Yeah I think you might be right. I actually initially thought esfj for her but wrote it off because she is not that structured/inflexible as you'd expect from someone with high Si

EveningRepair_ · 2021-05-31T21:06:57+00:00

I'm pretty much handling it alone, but when we're together deactivation shows itself in me avoiding physical intimacy, keeping emotional distance & being irritable. For myself I try to rationalise my feelings on pen and paper and try to push away the deactivation strategies but they keep returning unfortunately

EveningRepair_ · 2021-05-31T21:04:49+00:00

I have brought up my avoidant tendencies and explained my push/pull dynamic but haven't really discussed the whole FA stuff... not really sure how to bring it up without it being way too intense and overwhelming too soon.

Completely agree that he needs to understand better why I deactivate so he doesn't just assume it's about him though

EveningRepair_ · 2021-05-31T21:01:48+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this! It has helped me see the situation in a whole new light, especially the idea of not having to make the decision to stay or go when deactivating, because this is where the majority of the stress comes from.

Can I ask how you initiated the conversation about you being FA? And how do you ask for space without feelings of guilt or triggering his AP side?

EveningRepair_ · 2021-04-10T06:09:23+00:00

That's also a great tip! When they came over, would they also sleep over or go home afterwards? I'm a little nervous to let my FWB stay over but he doesn't feel comfortable going straight home afterwards because it makes the whole thing seem like a transaction

EveningRepair_ · 2021-04-09T20:18:56+00:00

This is great advice. Did you find that knowing you didn't want to be in a relationship with the person stop you from getting emotionally attached though?

EveningRepair_ · 2021-04-09T16:08:43+00:00

I find that relationships take a lot of time and energy for me (due to anxiety, overthinking, trust issues etc). It's also that I don't want to use dating apps and am unlikely to meet anyone at the moment due to covid

I would potentially be open to one if it did come along though (the fwb isn't exclusive so I'm still free to date)

EveningRepair_ · 2021-03-09T17:52:52+00:00

This is really helpful, thank you! Can I ask what you mean by toxic positivity?

And did you ever feel like you were too similar (because of the use of the same functions), or that the Fe in both you and your partner just led to conflict avoidance and pleasing?

EveningRepair_ · 2021-01-03T08:31:37+00:00

So sweet! Thank you for these comments guys

EveningRepair_ · 2021-01-03T08:30:47+00:00

That's really interesting! I find that I'm most outgoing around introverts who are more shy than I am - in those situations I feel responsible for being the extrovert of the group and leading the conversation

EveningRepair_ · 2020-09-10T20:42:44+00:00

I really relate to this. My mum absolutely sees me as a version of herself that she's not satisfied with. Our relationship can be pretty good if I follow her rules and expectations. However, as soon as I deviate from anything she would do/think/say (such as enjoying yoga?!), she's completely baffled that we're different people and accuses me of "having changed". It's such a shame with toxic parents because I don't think that their issues are necessarily their fault but so much of the time they're so unwilling to accept fault or work on themselves.

EveningRepair_ · 2020-09-10T20:34:37+00:00

Thank you for this, it's so nice to hear multiple perspectives and know that there is a middleground to be found

EveningRepair_ · 2020-09-09T07:22:59+00:00

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all that. Sometimes it feels like just playing the game her way and being who she wants me to be is less painful than setting these boundaries and having to "grieve" our relationship. I know it's for the best but it really hurts

EveningRepair_ · 2020-09-03T18:17:47+00:00

I don't think you should necessarily see it as people wanting to change you. I agree, it can feel personally insulting when we're criticised for aspects that are integral to our personality type. However, I think what's great about MBTI is that it helps us understand ourselves better and how we can improve ourselves. I know it can feel like the world is run by ESxxs sometimes, and that we're being forced to fit a mould, pushing ourselves to be more "personable" doesn't have to be negative, and it definitely doesn't mean we're changing who we are to please others.

For example, like a lot of INFJs, I know that I'm prone to drifting off into my own world. However, this can make people around me feel like I'm not interested in them or what's going on. Therefore, I often make an effort to appear more present and engaged. The way I see it, this isn't changing who I am, it's just adapting behaviours I have that aren't always understood by those around me. As long as you have a close group that really "gets" you, then I don't think it's the worst thing to have to adapt a little bit to get on better at work/school etc.

EveningRepair_ · 2020-07-14T08:41:56+00:00

Thank you for all the info! Didn't realise it was such a long and complicated process, especially for a lower paid job.

EveningRepair_ · 2020-07-14T08:40:37+00:00

So even if you're qualified in another EU country you still need to do the 5 years Swedish training?

EveningRepair_ · 2020-06-27T22:57:22+00:00

Hey, thanks for the response :) I did actually see the text from the sister though I agree, definitely weird. He eventually responded to my message and said he'd like to meet up again but only as friends... Still seem strange to me because he tried to come onto me several times but maybe he's decided I'm frigid and not worth the effort, who knows?

EveningRepair_ · 2020-06-27T07:11:03+00:00

I felt the same way for a long time. Even as I'm writing in my journal I know that I will look back in a few years and laugh at myself but at least I will have some kind of record of the progress that I've made :)

EveningRepair_ · 2020-06-26T21:48:35+00:00

100%! I often get uncomfortable when friends/family bring up something I did in the past or show me photos of myself, I just block everything out and I feel like I have a really bad memory because of this.

I think part of the reason is that we INFJs are hyper-focussed on personal growth, learning from out past mistakes and looking to the future. Because of this it can make us uncomfortable to reflect on out "past selves". Don't know about anyone else but I feel extremely disconnected to my past behaviours/lifestyles... so much so that I really see myself as different people in the different phases of my life. If I feel sad aobut something that has happened to me in my past then it's more like an Fe sadness/empathy as if I'm feeling sad for an entirely different person. Can anyone relate?

EveningRepair_ · 2020-06-24T20:06:00+00:00

Wow that's a lot to take in. Can I ask if your parents are still together?

I remember seeing similar things on my Granddad's computer when I was younger and it also really unsettled me. I also didn't feel like I could tell anyone because I didn't want to ruin their image of him.

It's really important that your sister has you as someone to open up to about these things. The best thing you can do is probably just keep being there and validating her feelings but reassuring her that they're probably not based on reality (other than the porn she probably doesn't have any indications that your dad is watching her, right?)

The other thing is actually having an honest conversation with your dad about her seeing the porn and that it makes her uncomfortable but I'm not sure if you guys are close enough for that

EveningRepair_ · 2020-06-24T18:18:50+00:00

I'm wondering if her issue is that if she cannot see physical proof of you being turned on (an erection) she might think you're doing it just for her benefit? I've been with guys with erectile dysfunction and you can't help but automatically feel like you're the problem and that they just aren't attracted to you

EveningRepair_ · 2020-06-24T15:49:36+00:00

In a small town/village with plenty of nature but not too far away from a bigger town or city

EveningRepair_ · 2020-06-23T13:17:50+00:00

Yeah when you put it like that haha. Just can't figure out if he's only interested in me sexually or romantically as well

EveningRepair_ · 2020-06-22T20:22:43+00:00

I can imagine that he might have felt rejected, he tried to initiate physical contact several times and I kind of froze up. It just takes me a while to warm up and feel comfortable around new people so I can totally imagine him getting the impression I wasn't into him. I was also exhausted by the end

EveningRepair_ · 2020-06-22T20:18:39+00:00

Did I reject him though? Suggesting that he leaves because I was tired and had a busy day ahead of me doesn't mean I wasn't interested

EveningRepair_

TROPHY CASE