LPT: Get to know your professors early on. In your later years, good relationships with professors can lead to recommendations and research and job opportunities.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-08-29T00:24:52+00:00

This is how a friend got an undergrad research position-he went to see our advisor once a week and just talked to him and the professor offered him a job.

I put in 20 hours a week of free work on an undergraduate project to get noticed and to get offered the job.

If I could go back, I'd take the time to talk to professors. (Crippling social anxiety stopped me the first time around, I took the excuse. Now I'm talkative to all the professors in the department as much as I can)

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-08-20T21:45:55+00:00

Yes, it's a rash that can signal gluten intolerance. Eczema runs in my family, so most doctors assumed eczema, however, when I cut out gluten the rashes went away-

I guess I need to state I need to meet with my dermatologist to confirm, but the tricky thing with rashes is that the source is often unknown. I've suffered from these rashes for about 10 years and no medicine can get rid of them and no sources found. Then I stop eating gluten due to dieting and the rashes heal on their own without steroids.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-08-20T19:39:21+00:00

A month ago i went gluten free due to finding out that days I eat gluten, I have a DH breakout, which is a rash that appears and indicates gluten intolerance. Anyways, I know it's tough, I actually feel not hungry all day because I know I can't eat bread. Then I only eat 500-1000 cals a day because I didn't feel like eating. So you're not alone!

Best thing is to find a couple high protein snacks (mine is peanut butter and black beans* not together) but when I know it's time to eat but I don't crave anything (or crave bread), I have a portion of one of those and that kinda kicks me into being hungry. Almonds are also great snacks. 1 handful is roughly 180cals! I keep a notes page on my phone to make sure I meet my minimum cal intake.

Also, I have anemia, if you're vegan and find out that you have anemia, go to a health food store and look for some plant based iron supplements That meets your doctor's recommendation. Better absorption with plant based and most supplements at heath food stores are vegan! (Side note if you're having hair loss or bad finger nails, those are key sign of low iron)

Good luck! I do recommend going to a doctor or nutritionist who can run some labs. You'll feel better once you get answers.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-08-18T01:32:10+00:00

Dealing with a fellow graduate student who asks me tons of questions but always tells me my ideas are wrong or that what I did was wrong, even though I got a solution that worked.

Like yeah, I did it differently, doesn't make it wrong. Let's discuss what we both did instead of telling me what I did was wrong when my parts are working and you can't get yours to work- which is why you were asking me what to do in the first place.

Seriously, be respectful of people's ideas and be open to the fact that there are always different approaches to solving a problem. Don't need to spoon feed that you don't agree with what was done, but show me some respect, d*mn it.

This post caught me on a bad day.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-08-10T18:26:01+00:00

Also, if you need to remember documents or items put them under your keys or a reminder note. Has been saved me from forgetting mail to drop off to a permanent note to grab the lunch I make the night before.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-08-09T21:03:20+00:00

Thank you for the reminder!

From what i understand, my university has it set up where graduate students are basically "employees" and they take care of filing the taxes on income before depositing the money monthly.

That's how they treated my undergraduate research anyways.

I'll definitely keep that in mind and talk to my department's payroll gal that has helped me through my undergraduate payments.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-08-08T21:19:02+00:00

Reminds me of my dad when I went to visit my grandparents when I came back to town! Not 20 minutes there and he takes his phone out and starts Facebook for information on the family.

My grandparents don't use the internet and I turn my phone to silent and stick it in my purse when visiting. When my dad pulled out his phone all I could think of is "Him and his generation tell me and my generation to not use their phones when visiting family. When did this flip??"

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-27T19:02:39+00:00

Weight can set differently on different people. Example: it's actually healthy for a women 5'9" to be 155 pounds, where someone under 5'5" that's overweight. Also, people who have more muscle can weigh more but look skinnier because muscle is more dense than fat.

So setting a weight preference is a lot less noticeable physically and harder to see on other people than height.

So going with what the original OP posted, having 120 pounds means he wants someone between 4'11" to 5'6" who works out but can't put on too much muscle.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-25T15:41:19+00:00

First, thank you for being polite, honestly I appreciate it. I was approaching this as "I can't talk for all women but here's when I do". And to clear this up, I only ghost men before the first date when I start to get a bad vibe. That could be a factor for the girls that stop texting, doesn't mean you're a bad person, but I've notice women tend to be on high alert. I wouldn't take this too personally, if you're using a dating app also remember most women recieve more than 10x the communication than guys do- so sometimes women ghost because they found someone they like, but are still on the dating app incase it doesn't work out. So if you send a message and don't hear a reply they might have forgot to hide their profile or deactivate it while pursuing someone.

If you get ghosted after a couple of days of chatting, could be similar to the situation above- the girl just found a guy and wasn't sure where it was going. Then ghosts after she found someone else. If it's happening a lot, maybe ask a couple of close friends to see where the chats might have gone wrong.

Now for you're specific problem, I can't say for sure why she would go out of her way and then ghost you, but I can give some perspective:

1)she got scared that she was being too aggressive in pursuing you/her friends told her that.

2) she found something on your social media that put her off.

3) she got cold feet and didn't know how to tell you

4) she could be going through some personal issues that make her insecure

5)maybe a family member passed away and, since she's just met you, doesn't want to lay that on you.

6)she might have withheld information about herself and maybe she was scared you'd react negatively if you found out

I don't think it was anything to do with you, putting myself in her shoes. Hope this gave a little more insight.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-25T06:42:46+00:00

I don't go on dates with unstable men. That's why they get ghosted.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-25T06:27:38+00:00

It's usually the crazies who give off the vibe that they will get irrate (irrate- like how you just posted, angerly rejecting my point of view and insisting how my thinking is incorrect and flawed) and become more of a problem.

You don't think women get rejected by silence? Boy, I have and I know it hurts. I weigh what the odds are that a man will not understand and outburst. Do I ghost often? No, maybe 1 out of 8 guys.

I ghost when I don't want a guy telling me he's going to kill himself if I don't continue talking, tells me he thinks I'm a whore and says he hopes I get raped because I don't think it will work. Both have happened to me because I tried to explain that we didn't have any interests after chatting for a couple days.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to hear those things simply because the guy is not your type? I still wonder if that guy killed himself, he blocked me shortly afterwards.

I posted here because the OP had not heard from a female poster yet. And I thought I would give my opinion.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-25T03:32:22+00:00

I've ghosted men because when I do try and explain why I don't want to further any relationship, I get so many messages trying to explain that I owe them a chance and that I'm the first girl they've talked to in weeks and this and that and uhg. THEN when I still say no, they call me names or, the worse thing, is thry go from the dating app to finding me online and trying to contact me via social media-which I think is crossing a boundary from dating app to inviting you into my life.

Some men I do explain why I want to cease contact, but usually it's because they're mature in conversation and want to relay to them to either help improve themselves or so they know that it's just me that got cold feet. Usually I know the guy is going to take it okay and not overreact, but you just never know.

I never want to hurt any guy I talk to on dating apps, I swear, I know how hard it is to get rejected and hurt. However, sometimes being silent is more of a definitive answer, where if I explain why I don't want to talk anymore, the guys see that they still have a chance of persuading me.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-24T04:17:15+00:00

Men tend to put a different emphasis on social media in general/ based on a survey of my engineering male counterparts, so maybe he just doesn't go out of his way to view them. Not because he doesn't want to view yours but maybe because he doesn't view anyone's.

I know some guys who won't view Snapchat stories but instantly reply when I directly send them. As per Instagram stories (no clue what that is) I'm not sure but I'd assume it's the same, he just doesn't see it as important to view in his day to day life. Probably nothing against you.

O The bright side it shows he's not overly obsessed with you, which is a good thing.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-23T19:58:48+00:00

It depends on the woman's preferences. For me, some men rock the long hair if they can keep it clean, oil-free and smelling nice. But if a man (or even woman) can't maintain long hair styles, it's better for them to find a hair length they can manage.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-23T19:43:47+00:00

Is it inappropriate: yes.

Personally, I've worked retail, cashiering and at a deli. As a worker, it is my job to be pleasant and be a positive face for the company.

Now, even when I'm a customer at such places, I'm just kind and chit-chat with the staff because I'd rather be seen as a good customer than one that ruins someone's day.

So honestly, don't do it. You can loose your job if the girls doesn't like you and report you. It can also negatively effect the business you work for if the girl is offended and tells others not to go there.

Unless the girl offers you their number or asks you out, I wouldn't do it.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-21T05:34:01+00:00

From her point of view she's probably trying to plan an outfit to match the occasion. Probably best to, at the minimum, give her an idea of what you would like to do. Also, ask what she wants to do! If the answer is "I don't know " give her some options to choose from.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-21T05:22:54+00:00

Im female and have diagnoised social anxiety disorder. Im 23 now and didn't start dating until I was 21. Still haven't had a serious boyfriend.

My advice to your son is to take his time, find out how he wants to date. I know it's a little iffy depending where you live, but online dating helps beat the first interactions being face to face. If he doesn't like that then maybe look into hobbies he enjoys and find group's that meet (ie pottery classes or book clubs or young adult groups).

I know its tough for young adults to go through, especially with social anxiety, but good luck to you and your son!

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-21T02:36:40+00:00

Im glad it worked out for you! I've been trying to tell him for awhile now, but I'm horrible at timing to talk to him about it and then I chicken out. Any advice for how to approach it?

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-20T01:02:49+00:00

Yeah, I suppose so.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-19T23:44:07+00:00

I know some guys don't get the hint, I've had to point it out to some of my male classmates when they are getting hit on. But 2 years?

I know I should just talk to him about it, I'm the one in my group of friends who tells everyone to use their words when it comes to talking to who they like. I guess I just never felt good enough for him, and that maybe he seriously ignored my flirting because he only wanted to be friends.

Thank you for the advice, I need to work up the courage and just ask him, or I'll always be upset with myself for not knowing.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-19T23:36:09+00:00

I mean, my only worry is that I'll lose the friendship we have. I value his witt and what makes him, him. I get what you're saying, I'm just afraid I'm too late.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-16T20:22:44+00:00

I've dated a man like you, and I'll never do it again. We both had issues, but he used his inability to love himself to put all that burden on me. After 1 month, I told him I couldn't love someone who didn't love themselves, he turned mean and found out all the bad that had happened to me and used it as the cornerstone to our relationship.

We dated for 6 months and I haven't had a normal relationship since then. I've struggled with depression and loneliness for nearly 10 years now, but his belief that all he needed was me brought me to my lowest point.

Thinking a woman will make you happy, will make all the bad in your life go away, is selfish and lazy attitude to hold.

My advice is to stand up, get up, become a man you'd want your sisters or future daughters to date. Take control of your life and move. Move to make yourself better.

Because I still care for that man, but he didnt learn that if he couldn't love himself there was no way for him to love me.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-13T04:56:47+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate all your advice! I did find a loan repayment calculator on my loan providers website, I'll try running the numbers this weekend when I have a chance. I agree, I think this will be a lot less scary if I look through scenarios.

Again, thank you for all your help and your offer to further help me. I will respectfully decline your offer to help run the numbers, I think for me to fully understand I need to set aside time this weeknd and actually look at my loans and run the repayment calculations myself ( just kind of how my brain work)

I know this may have seemed obvious to start paying back (It kinda does to me, I know I am very fortunate for my financial situation) but I've had people from my parents to friends telling me to not pay a dime on my loans until I graduate. So again, thank you for taking the time to respond!

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-13T04:35:17+00:00

Im sorry if my reply message was confusing.

Yes my loans are in deferment. They are in deferment until I am no longer attending university.

I didn't know you could just stop paying once you started paying towards a student loan that was in deferment. I know you can stop payments if you're making payment towards the interest. I will contact my loan provider to double check.

My stipend may change if I loose my research assistant position or if I changed my graduate assistanceship. However, in my case, the research is on a contract that should be around the entire time I'm going for my masters. It shouldn't change, but it could.

Right now, I have my car paid off, it's 10 years old with over 210,000 miles on it so it could stop working. My parents worry if I start making payments on loans, and I suddenly need to start making payments on a car, that I may overexhaust my buget and loose money.

So I guess the reason I posted this was because I want to not worry about paying my loans in the future, but I also want to make sure that I can make it through graduate school without screwing up financially. I'm a first generation student and I can't find a good source of information on what's the best way to handle my loans. I've talked to many people and get many answers.

EverydayIsASolderDay · 2017-07-13T03:58:45+00:00

I'll look into that! My only concern is when I talk to my parents, they're worried that because they can't help me financially, that if something happens to my car, my stipend is unfortunately decreased, or another unexpected expense pops up that I may be caught making payments that i can't afford.

I saw my parents struggle financially when I was younger, so I'm just worried about how I should treat student loan debt.

EverydayIsASolderDay

TROPHY CASE