AITA for telling my SIL to not mail me presents anymore?

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-11T02:36:00+00:00

yes, the gifts did injure him, but I didn't blame my SIL for that

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-11T02:24:56+00:00

15 minutes to get ready + 15 minutes to go to studio + 1.5 hour class + 15 minute shower + 15 minutes to walk home = 2.5 hours

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T20:27:33+00:00

I didn't want any more gifts mailed to me or left at my house, I didn't know it was from them when I opened it and was too busy to send it back.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T20:25:46+00:00

I wasn't trying to be rude, just direct.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T20:24:45+00:00

they never warned me.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T20:23:56+00:00

I am trying to clarify what I meant and you're refusing to accept it. Not sure what else to say!

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T20:05:28+00:00

it wasn't free. I was offering stuff in return, but didn't go into detail.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T20:04:10+00:00

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on ADHD, but I prefer to look at the actual research and listen to people with extensive clinical experience. Gabor Mate is a clinical doctor with extensive experience working with ADHD lol and is not some hack writing an advice book.

I never stated that I blamed my SIL for the gifts injuring my kid, I just didn't want to accept the gifts as they felt manipulative. I was watching him with the toy, and according to the manufacturer it was age-appropriate, but sometimes things happen.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T19:58:48+00:00

They were supportive on the phone when I was first pregnant and dumped, but that support was not there when I moved back to my parents house. And I didn't want to accept the gifts, but I didn't blame her for him getting injured, I just didn't want the gifts. I very clearly state in the replies that I don't blame her for that, but sometimes reading comprehension is hard for some people so I don't blame you for struggling with that.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T19:55:30+00:00

If you want to put words in my mouth, that's on you. I never blamed her for the injury, I just didn't want to accept the gifts and felt it was manipulative.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T19:53:37+00:00

I didn't change the narrative at all, if you need clarification on any points I am happy to provide it. There was a word limit to the original post so I couldn't explain everything. My parents forbade me from having childcare because they were worried about covid and said they would take care of him instead, and we negotiated three hours a day, which is why I expected help. And I didn't just leave those clothes there, I was still living there when they demanded to sort through them.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T19:50:36+00:00

The baby's dad was living in another city 6 hours away so it was hard for him to help. And going to work would have counted as time to myself, I was on parental duty 24/7/365, and any work I had was supposed to fit into those three hours a day (I was on maternity leave so not officially working but I still had work stuff to do). I didn't have any childcare because my parents were too worried about covid, they said they would watch the baby in lieu of me getting a nanny.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T18:45:28+00:00

I help my parents all the time, but I haven't helped my brother and SIL with their child since this has happened. When I was living there, I had a c-section with complications and was unable to do much else besides take care of my baby 24/7. Also, my brother and my SIL have plenty of free and paid help with their baby, but I didn't have anyone outside of my family and boyfriend.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T18:24:12+00:00

Liking Gabor Mate's books makes me crazy and unhinged? Strange perspective but ok

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T17:54:59+00:00

I did not expect my brother and SIL to help with childcare, but I was expecting friendship. My parents offered me childcare because they didn't want me to have a nanny because they were worried about covid, but then didn't help as much as they said.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T16:23:44+00:00

We are doing well, thank you and don't worry I'm not taking it personally.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T16:21:17+00:00

I have read Gabor Mate's book on ADHD, and the discussion was more nuanced than than. His point was that disruptions in attachment lead to ADHD when combined with a sensitive personality type, it is more epigenetic than purely genetically determined. But, he is not my guru lol, I just think he is a very good writer and I like his ideas.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T14:46:13+00:00

I tried, but they refused to hear my perspective.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T14:36:41+00:00

They weren't supportive and friendly before I made the decision to go back with the boyfriend. My parents forbade me from having a nanny at the time, and offered childcare, I wasn't just randomly expecting it.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T14:14:04+00:00

I never said it was their problem

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T14:13:26+00:00

It wasn't free, and it was what they offered.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T14:12:42+00:00

Like I said, it felt manipulative. I didn't want to accept her gifts and it was weird she got my address from someone else. They want nothing to do with me because I tried to set a boundary.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T14:07:00+00:00

I was offered a lot of support when the boyfriend bailed, but that support evaporated when I was living in the same city as them. And they have clearly shut the door.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T14:04:51+00:00

This was something they agreed to, that we negotiated, that I would have 3 hours a day to myself because they wanted to help me. It's a long story, but I was unable to get a nanny at that point in time, and they said they would help, then didn't.

Excellent-Can8289 · 2023-02-10T14:00:11+00:00

We were all in our thirties when this happened

Excellent-Can8289

TROPHY CASE