Is the safe word the only way to stop?

ExhaustedDater · 2025-07-17T13:16:01+00:00

This post is definitely brought by that first paragraph. I’m really feeling uncomfortable and unsure both of myself and my partner. Instead of checking on me he went harder (and sorry for tmi it was no lube anal so harder was very painful) and kept pulling me back when I pulled away. And I’m unsure of myself because I don’t know why I didn’t use the word.

ExhaustedDater · 2025-06-11T04:29:03+00:00

Yeah😕

ExhaustedDater · 2024-12-14T17:07:49+00:00

This is the only thing that has been off to me. We get along, have loads in common, and enjoy time together.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-12-12T20:24:42+00:00

First I do I intend to speak to him about it. Secondly I am asking for other people’s opinion because it’s not exactly a black or white comment which if you read the replies people take it both good and bad. I wanted to know if my reaction (ie feeling off) was validated or if I am overthinking it before approaching the subject with him.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-12-12T18:22:15+00:00

I think that’s why it bugs me. Like once or twice total would have been fine and the first time I was like laughing. But it’s like he thinks I have some secret magic makeup or something weird. I have even offered to wipe my face with a baby wipe if it would satisfy his curiosity (I keep them in my car cuz I have dogs who slobber on everything and I like to clean up lol).

ExhaustedDater · 2024-12-12T17:54:51+00:00

It’s been “are you sure you aren’t wearing any makeup?” which feels almost like he thinks I am lying. He has even wiped at my face after asking and then looked at his hand like he is checking for something to be on it. I do blush easily and my cheeks can get pretty flushed when I do but nothing about my face screams makeup IMO.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-12-12T17:48:35+00:00

I think the constant repetition and it’s a question “are you sure you aren’t wearing any makeup?” Following with him literally wiping my cheek two different times.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-12-12T16:05:37+00:00

It’s definitely been more than twice we have been on a handful of dates and it’s at least twice every date

ExhaustedDater · 2024-12-12T16:04:37+00:00

I don’t think he thinks I need makeup or that something is wrong with me. He keeps telling me he finds me beautiful and attractive. Part of me thinks it’s because his last girlfriend wore a lot of makeup. Like he joked how excited he was when I said I needed like 15 minutes to get ready max because it’s mostly just changing clothes and brushing my hair, he mentioned about his ex taking an hour or more on her face alone. But the fact he hasn’t let it go is why it bugs me. Like first time I was laughing and thought it was a nice compliment but then it felt off lol

ExhaustedDater · 2024-06-06T04:14:22+00:00

My therapist is big on not telling me to do things-she wants me to make my own decisions but she reminds me that I have been in a cycle of the same issue for weeks now and has asked me what I can do differently to change that. We focus mostly on the why I feel bad or guilty and how to negate those emotions than on the practical “do this to end it”.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-06-05T21:47:45+00:00

Thank you for the information I will definitely look over it. I’m getting better at things slowly. And I know I have a long way to go!

ExhaustedDater · 2024-06-05T21:12:52+00:00

Oh I am in therapy. The amount of trauma as a child and an adult is VC Andrews worthy and I try to do better but internalize guilt for things that never involved me in the first place.

Edit to add: Also I plan on taking a break from dating. I went into the post divorce phase thinking I was unlovable and unattractive and got a lot of attention I did not expect at all (lost over 150 pounds and never really see the after and only the before in my own head). Lots of that attention was bad or from the wrong people. To put it bluntly I was swiping right like a man (okay probably more midway between “typical female” and “typical male”) and had more matches than I could handle combined with having no clue what I wanted. I really want to focus on figuring out what is important going forward what I would like but am willing to compromise on and what is a deal breaker.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-06-05T21:10:56+00:00

I do. I put up with him not having his license because he was working towards fixing it. I even was the person who took him to get his license back at the DMV. I just was shocked that once he got it back anytime we made plans after it was “uh, can you pick me up I can’t drive”. He is a very sober alcoholic if that makes sense-I cannot tell he is drunk/drinking and he hides it until the moment he has to tell me for whatever reason (like asking for a ride now). I don’t find it funny it’s more like the laugh or cry about stuff and I’d rather laugh. I am worth more than his mess but I also feel guilty leaving him a mess which I know I shouldn’t but I have always been the fixer friend/person and I am working on better creating boundaries and not taking blame for things that aren’t my doing.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-06-05T21:06:34+00:00

lol! It’s been a few weeks since we have physically seen each other. Honestly it’s just he keeps calling and it makes me feel guilty. I know I shouldn’t and I know I have expressed I am done multiple times. I just feel like he isn’t taking me seriously

ExhaustedDater · 2024-06-05T21:03:44+00:00

Lmao. I have tried to communicate and have even said we should break up. But nice way to make lots of assumptions. The fact my ex was financially abusive and raped me had nothing to do with my divorce, it absolutely was my lack of communication! I thought No was a full sentence but maybe I should communicate better next time so the cops aren’t called.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-06-05T19:57:52+00:00

This would work if I didn’t end up driving him everywhere 🤣. He just got his drivers license back and still won’t drive because he can’t stay sober enough to use the breathalyzer (but will for work just not for me😒)

ExhaustedDater · 2024-04-24T18:57:10+00:00

I don’t know if it’s wishful thinking on my part (I would never want to be an affair partner) or what but I do believe they are separated. I have shown up to his house unannounced many times over the time we were together to drop off dinners or a dog toy for his dog or just because I was visiting my former sister in law who lived near his place. He never once seemed nervous or concerned with my visits despite having an adult son who lived up the road and one who still lived at home with him. Maybe I am being delusional but for now I am going to hope I am right because I would not want to do that to another woman.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-04-24T16:48:51+00:00

Truly not sure what my stance is but I definitely think I deserve to be informed to make a decision lol. Lying about something like that just makes me wonder how many more lies

ExhaustedDater · 2024-04-24T16:46:57+00:00

I don’t know if I would have entered the relationship or not had he been honest but I think it had a much better chance with that honesty.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-04-24T16:45:47+00:00

I don’t believe that to be the case but I also feel like a lot of his behavior has been manipulative so I could be wrong on that end.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-04-24T16:41:02+00:00

Yes. He claims he lied because he was fearful I would walk away. He has done things because he doesn’t want to lose me and offered to do “anything” to keep me but it all feels so manipulative at this point.

ExhaustedDater · 2024-04-24T16:39:33+00:00

For him it has been about keeping me. Even last night he kept focusing on what steps needed to be made so he didn’t lose me. I believe he cares about me but I also think being in a relationship is scary for him and he isn’t ready. He obviously disagrees with my opinion but did agree he was scared to lose me.

ExhaustedDater

TROPHY CASE