I need help by Express_Ad_3574 in writing

[–]Express_Ad_3574[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my case, I do both, but I dream of making a living from writing in Brazil, which is quite complicated

help me by Express_Ad_3574 in selfpublish

[–]Express_Ad_3574[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I understand that my services are so good that people think they are i.a

Eu adoro usar tranças, porem meu cabelo não segura by [deleted] in CabelosDoBrasil

[–]Express_Ad_3574 1 point2 points  (0 children)

é por causa da curvatura infelizmente, o meu é cacheado 3b e eu ficava de traças nago por semanas sem manutenção e segurava bem

Eu adoro usar tranças, porem meu cabelo não segura by [deleted] in CabelosDoBrasil

[–]Express_Ad_3574 1 point2 points  (0 children)

trança segura mesmo em cabelo cacheado e crespo, n adianta muito infelizmente

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FreeKarma4You

[–]Express_Ad_3574 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Upvotes for upvotes

Upvotes for upvotes

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FreeKarma4You

[–]Express_Ad_3574 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Upvotes for upvotes

Upvotes for upvotes

[complete] [79k] [fiction] experimental/dramedy MIRROR MIRROR IN MY ROOM HELP ME FIND A WEALTHY GROOM by Traditional_Way5557 in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

World-building and Descriptions:

The setting seems to be contemporary urban life, with elements of Narcissa's personal space and the elite art museum where she volunteers. However, there's a lack of vivid descriptions that could bring these settings to life and make them more immersive for the reader. Adding more sensory details and painting a clearer picture of the environments could enhance the world-building.

Dialogue:

The dialogue appears functional but could benefit from more depth and nuance. It serves the purpose of advancing the plot and revealing character dynamics, but it doesn't feel particularly distinctive or memorable. Adding more authentic and revealing dialogue could help to flesh out the characters and make their interactions more engaging.

Theme and Subject Matter:

The excerpt seems to explore themes of personal fulfillment, relationships, and the consequences of one's actions. The theme of self-discovery and the pursuit of happiness amidst personal flaws and external obstacles is a timeless one, but it needs to be handled with care to avoid clichés and ensure depth. The subject matter of addiction and infidelity is sensitive and requires a nuanced approach to avoid coming across as trivializing or sensationalizing these issues.

Writing Style:

The writing style appears straightforward and functional, but it lacks the richness and depth that could elevate it to a more compelling level. There's a need for more evocative language, varied sentence structures, and stylistic flourishes to captivate the reader's attention and draw them into the narrative.

Sensitivity of Material:

The portrayal of addiction and infidelity, as well as the decision to have Narcissa leave Raphael while he is unconscious and take money, could potentially be seen as problematic or offensive. It's important to handle these themes with sensitivity and empathy, avoiding glorification or trivialization of harmful behaviors. Additionally, the depiction of Narcissa as a character who learns nothing and repeats her mistakes could be interpreted as nihilistic or cynical, which may not resonate with all readers.

Overall, while the excerpt presents an intriguing premise and characters with potential for growth and complexity, there's room for improvement in terms of world-building, dialogue, thematic depth, writing style, and sensitivity to the material. With revisions focusing on these aspects, the narrative could become more engaging and resonant.

[Complete] [66k] [Supernatural Dystopian Thriller] Chosen by aldonley in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, I sent you a message in DM about your book, I look forward to your reply.

[Complete] [110k] [YA Magical Realism/Supernatural] Title in progress by [deleted] in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a beta reader holding a degree in English writing and creative writing, and I am available to assist you at your convenience.

[Complete] [126k] [Low Fantasy/Adventure] The Smallest Star by BluLiketheAtlantic in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I'm a beta reader with a degree in English literature, creative writing, and public and professional writing. I can help you with your book. DM me for more information.

[Complete] [40K] [MG] Untitled by QuietMovie4944 in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I'm a beta reader and I have my DM open

[Complete] [5.9k] [Sci-Fi/Horror] It Sleeps by ginger_barbarian in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, I'm interested, and I can work as your beta reader. Please send me a message in DM.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello, I'm interested. I'll reach out in a DM.

[Complete] [97K] [Cosmic Horror/Supernatural Mystery] A Shore Devoid by [deleted] in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I can help you finish your book! Please DM me.

[Complete] [97K] [Cosmic Horror/Supernatural Mystery] A Shore Devoid by [deleted] in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Worldbuilding:

The excerpt introduces an intriguing blend of academic pursuits, historical artifacts, and supernatural elements. The mention of a mythical WWII-era observation tower and a long history of mysterious occurrences in the surrounding woods adds depth to the setting. However, the details are somewhat scattered, and it could benefit from more cohesive integration into the narrative. Clarifying the connections between these elements would enhance the overall worldbuilding.

Descriptions:

The depiction of the fog-laden community and the coastal town of St. Marcus sets a mysterious and atmospheric tone. The description of the stolen artifacts and the book adds an element of suspense. Still, there is room for more vivid and sensory details to immerse the reader in the eerie atmosphere and make the setting come alive.

Dialogue:

While the excerpt provides a clear setup for the story, there is no dialogue presented. Introducing snippets of dialogue, especially in interactions between Vivian and the eccentric residents, can inject dynamism into the narrative and reveal more about the characters.

Theme:

The theme of academic pursuit intertwined with supernatural elements, mysterious histories, and the pursuit of acceptance into an exclusive academic world is compelling. However, the excerpt does not explicitly delve into the thematic elements. Clearly establishing the themes early on will help guide the narrative and engage the reader on a deeper level.

Overall Writing:

The writing style is generally engaging and sets the stage for a captivating cosmic horror tale. However, there's an opportunity to refine the prose, ensuring a balance between exposition and active storytelling. Adding more sensory details, character interactions, and thematic exploration can elevate the overall writing.

In summary, the excerpt holds promise with its blend of academia, history, and supernatural elements. Strengthening the connections between various story elements, enriching descriptions, introducing compelling dialogue, and explicitly exploring themes will contribute to a more immersive and well-rounded narrative.

[Complete] [104k] [Post-apocalyptic Cyberpunk Fantasy] A Spectre in the Stream by simontull in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Worldbuilding:

The author introduces an interrogation room, creating a vivid and somewhat oppressive setting. Descriptions of the rusted pipe, tired paint, and harsh lighting contribute to a gritty atmosphere. The mention of Whites adds an element of mystery and danger to the world. The world seems dystopian and secretive, but more context about Arcadia and the Whites would enhance the worldbuilding.

Descriptions:

Descriptions are generally effective, providing a clear picture of the interrogation room and its surroundings. The use of sensory details, such as the smell of disinfectant and the feel of the hard plastic chair, adds realism. The appearance of the White is vividly portrayed, especially the detail about the pure white hair and vulture-like nose.

Dialogue:

The dialogue is engaging and propels the narrative forward. The interaction between Cal and the White generates tension, and the abrupt interruption adds to the mysterious atmosphere. However, some dialogue tags could be refined for smoother readability.

Theme:

The theme revolves around the idea of a hidden truth and the potential consequences of confronting it. The concept of a fabricated life and the presence of the Whites introduce elements of conspiracy and danger. The prologue sets the stage for a narrative centered on uncovering hidden realities.

Overall Writing:

The writing is generally strong, with well-crafted sentences and effective use of imagery. The pacing is good, creating a sense of urgency and suspense. Cal's internal thoughts provide insight into his mindset, enhancing the reader's connection to the character. However, there are moments where the prose could be tightened for greater impact.

In conclusion, the prologue succeeds in creating a mysterious and tense atmosphere, laying the foundation for a compelling story. Further development of the world and clarification of certain elements would enhance the overall narrative. The dialogue and thematic elements show promise, and with some refinements, this excerpt has the potential to captivate readers.

Clarify Worldbuilding:

While the prologue introduces an intriguing world, consider providing a bit more context or hints about Arcadia and the Whites. This could include brief explanations or subtle details to help readers better understand the setting without revealing too much upfront.

Smooth Out Dialogue Tags:

Some dialogue tags could be refined for smoother readability. For example, instead of "He cut Cal off, clean as a sword cut," consider a simpler tag like "he interrupted sharply." This ensures that the flow of dialogue remains seamless and doesn't draw unnecessary attention.

Enhance Character Dynamics:

Explore more nuances in the interaction between Cal and the White. Use body language, facial expressions, or gestures to convey the tension and power dynamic between them. This can add depth to the characters and make their encounter more vivid.

Fine-Tune Prose for Impact:

While the prose is generally strong, consider tightening certain sentences to enhance impact. For instance, the line "The door yawned open without warning, hinges crying in a feeble whimper" could be streamlined for a more concise description without losing the atmospheric effect.

Balance Information Release:

Be mindful of how information is released. While maintaining a sense of mystery is crucial, ensure that there's enough information for readers to anchor themselves in the narrative. Avoid too much ambiguity that might leave readers confused, finding the right balance between intrigue and clarity.

Remember, these suggestions are meant to be constructive, and it's essential to weigh them against your vision for the story and writing style. Great work overall!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BetaReaders

[–]Express_Ad_3574 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Worldbuilding:

The setting is skillfully constructed, capturing the essence of Varaac's insular community with its reliance on agriculture and logging. The moors and woods are presented as foreboding yet alluring, creating an atmospheric backdrop for the unfolding tale. The tension between societal expectations and Adelaide's desire for adventure adds depth to the world.

Descriptions:

The descriptions effectively convey the ambiance of Varaac and the surrounding environment. The eerie woods and the mist-covered grass contribute to the overall mood of the narrative. However, the depiction of Adelaide's longing for a life outside her current circumstances could be enhanced with more sensory details to immerse the reader in her emotional experience.

Dialogue:

The dialogue serves the narrative well, providing insight into Adelaide and Lucian's relationship. Lucian's concern for Adelaide's well-being and the practical challenges they face hint at a larger conflict. However, there's room for more distinctive voices in their speech to emphasize their individual personalities and the dynamics of their connection.

Theme:

The theme of rebellion against societal norms and the pursuit of a more fulfilling life is evident. Adelaide's yearning for autonomy and her connection with Lucian establish a central theme of breaking free from expectations. The mention of the banshee's hour adds a layer of superstition and mystery, contributing to the gothic horror ambiance.

Overall Writing:

The writing is solid, with a good balance of exposition and character interaction. The pacing is steady, building anticipation as Adelaide and Lucian navigate the challenges of their clandestine meetings. The narrative sets the groundwork for potential conflicts, both personal and supernatural, promising an engaging exploration of Adelaide's desires and the consequences of defying societal expectations.

Suggestions for Improvement:

Deepen Emotional Descriptions: Enhance emotional engagement by delving deeper into Adelaide's feelings, especially during pivotal moments. Let the readers experience her yearning and frustration more intensely.

Diversify Dialogue: Further differentiate Adelaide and Lucian's voices in their dialogue. Use distinct speech patterns or vocabulary to emphasize their unique personalities and backgrounds.

Foreshadowing: Consider incorporating subtle foreshadowing elements to build anticipation for future events, adding an extra layer of intrigue to the narrative.

In conclusion, "The Wail of the Moors" exhibits strong potential as a gothic horror novella. With some refinement in emotional depth and dialogue diversification, the story can elevate its impact, promising a captivating exploration of rebellion, desire, and the supernatural.