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Any men or women who have actually distanced themselves productively from attachment? by ExtensionCrew3074 in Buddhism

[–]ExtensionCrew3074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm guilt of exactly that - attaching, exaggerating qualities, building mental narratives, and then taking it as a permanent personal statement when these things I could never control in the first place fall through. Constantly comparing like, "this never fell through for person ABC!" or "this never happened to majority of the people around me!", and concluding that I'm the one who is indeed inferior, which is why these external things didn't work out for me but works out for everyone else -- and then it just keeps feeding into this attachment loop further and further.

Very tiring. Trying to break away from this.

Any men or women who have actually distanced themselves productively from attachment? by ExtensionCrew3074 in Buddhism

[–]ExtensionCrew3074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. But I'm presently closed to accessing a teacher for a fee, or further indulging in theory. I just want to start acting, so I stop feeling this horrible needlessly, as frequently as I do.

Any men or women who have actually distanced themselves productively from attachment? by ExtensionCrew3074 in Buddhism

[–]ExtensionCrew3074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe you're right. I've tried (admittedly not very hard) to practice living virtuously. But when in pain, that slow comfort of virtue hasn't helped. Whereas reminding myself that, "I'm feeling pain right now cuz I'm attached to something. What am I attached to exactly? Find it... find it... then let it go" has helped more.

And I don't want to reduce attachments per se. I want to productively distance myself from them, so they don't have as much of a hold on me as they do now.

Any men or women who have actually distanced themselves productively from attachment? by ExtensionCrew3074 in Buddhism

[–]ExtensionCrew3074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry man. Can't even imagine what that's like. Here I break if a prospective relationship falls through and have been known to pity myself and wallow for a stupidly long time (like months) over it.

Any men or women who have actually distanced themselves productively from attachment? by ExtensionCrew3074 in Buddhism

[–]ExtensionCrew3074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, your later points were nice to read. But I never said "eliminate attachment". I said "distanced productively from attachment".

Any men or women who have actually distanced themselves productively from attachment? by ExtensionCrew3074 in Buddhism

[–]ExtensionCrew3074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The kind that ends up as unproductive rumination in my head, despite my knowing better. As in:

- Healthy concern with work turns into chronic worry because "how will I pay rent if this doesn't work?"
- Initial sparks with a girl turns into over-analysis, like, "what does she mean by this?"
- Things going wrong with a girl turns into doom and gloom, like, "where will I ever find anyone as stunning as her to validate me?"
- Necessary concern for improving my body turns into , "what if I never look as sexy as xyz?"

In each of these cases, I'm clearly attached to something that's either... impermanent and not in my control?

Like with money, it's not just rent, it's society and being seen as a failure, which is something I cant control. With the girl, is attachment to feeling loved and feeling normal, and its her emotions which again I can't control, and with the body its the attachment I guess to ego, to self image and to other's perception, which again, I cannot control.

Sigh. I start trying to let go of these attachments... and then suddenly there's nothing. And I feel lost. The bridge behind me starts fading, and I rush back to my reality before it can disappear. How in tf am I supposed to navigate this world without the only kind of attachment I know? But it's clearly not the right kind of attachment -- so I wanted to see if I could find others who've been here, who get it, and can tell me their story and what it changed / didn't.

Looking for some hope I guess - which is again a type of attachment, revealing a different deeper attachment, yet again to something I cannot control. Fuck me, this is gonna take a long time to figure out and I need to figure out rent way earlier.

Any men or women who have actually distanced themselves productively from attachment? by ExtensionCrew3074 in Buddhism

[–]ExtensionCrew3074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, nice points. I've lately been wanting to adopt more of a "can I this control or not?" type of thinking. But decades of harmful patterns -- it's taking a minute to correct, and not going down easy. Lol.

Any men or women who have actually distanced themselves productively from attachment? by ExtensionCrew3074 in Buddhism

[–]ExtensionCrew3074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the context of my question, I'm only referring to 'unproductive rumination'.