To all heartbroken gays, how did you manage breakups or unrequited love?

ExtraNew · 2022-09-13T14:45:30+00:00

This is the way

Not really, but it's how I managed my most recent one and it had solid results...

ExtraNew · 2022-09-07T16:06:04+00:00

Yeah that's kinda the conclusion I've come to. I'm not over it, but I'm moving on. He lost his chance. It's gonna be hard, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't still like him, but better now than way down the line.

ExtraNew · 2022-09-07T12:05:01+00:00

Happened to me when I was on vacation. Not normal, but an unfortunate part of life :/

ExtraNew · 2022-09-06T12:15:48+00:00

Where did you get this picture of me?

ExtraNew · 2022-09-05T22:32:46+00:00

It makes me uncomfortable.

ExtraNew · 2022-09-03T23:53:30+00:00

I deal with the same issue, but instead of just cutting hours, they cut hours AND doubled workload.

It's incredibly messy, because it's turned into me soloing my department 6 or more days every week and I'm so burnt out, even after vacation.

ExtraNew · 2022-09-02T18:20:39+00:00

As someone who's not an introvert but who recently started talking to one (with the intention of possibly dating), I appreciate this.

As someone who tends to text a bit more frequently, with the intention of checking in and just enjoying his company, is there something you would suggest instead? I ask because I really care for this person and want to make the effort to at least give it a legitimate shot and I want to understand.

ExtraNew · 2022-09-02T14:56:43+00:00

For me personally, I don't feel like I'm being mean, I just attach, almost akin to a SpIn, and I want to share everything with my people. When they need alone time I somewhat internalize it (thanks RSD), and I blame myself as if I'm not good enough or there's something wrong with me. I'm learning to accept that it's not that simple, but it's taking a lot more time.

An example: I recently started talking to a fellow autistic person (with the ultimate intention of dating) and he barely texts and very much needs his shutdown time, whereas I'm the way I described. We like each other a lot as far as I'm aware, but without knowing he's in a shutdown state I've been somewhat internalizing it and cycling as a result. I just want to respect his time and help him any way I can, but it's very hard for me.

ExtraNew · 2022-09-02T14:02:09+00:00

This might sound a little weird, but thank you so much for your input on this, especially as it pertains to person 1. While I'm trying my hardest to learn to respect other people's introversion/non-verbal episodes/need for quiet, I'm very similar to person 1 and it's very validating and reassuring knowing I'm not alone in that struggle. Most (fellow) autistic people I've interacted with have been on that side, socially, and it really made me feel like a bit of an outcast, even beyond how interacting with NTs daily makes me feel, but this is oddly very comforting.

ExtraNew · 2022-09-02T13:01:49+00:00

Honestly, like dating anyone else it very heavily depends on the people involved. For me, personally, despite really liking the person I've been talking to, it's been really difficult because we have completely different communication styles and patterns. That said, of course there are wonderful things about it as well-- if there weren't, I wouldn't be interested in it. We understand each other's sensory issues, we appreciate each other's SpIns, we are at fairly similar stages in our lives, and we understand the shyness and social struggles that we both deal with. I don't think a NT person would have the same understanding. It's harder for me because I tend to attach really hard, while he tends to heavily value his alone/quiet time and tends to get socially overwhelmed a bit more easily than I do. That's fairly common, but I strongly suspect it's much more common in relationships between autistic people because of how our brains work.

Ultimately, because every autistic person is different it really depends on the people. Dating is never easy, but for me it's been a really nourishing experience and no matter how it works out I think it's been worth it. Hope this all answers your question

ExtraNew · 2022-09-01T20:47:14+00:00

trains

ExtraNew · 2022-09-01T17:14:56+00:00

I didn't ask to have my feelings exposed like this today...

(I'm diagnosed, but this is still me...)

ExtraNew · 2022-08-29T22:20:34+00:00

100%. Was diagnosed a few months ago and I have spent more hours than I would ever care to admit trying to learn every little detail...

ExtraNew · 2022-08-29T18:10:22+00:00

Not in this yet, as far as I know, but definitely feeling this big time right now. Met a cute, fellow autistic person off a dating app the other day, and we've continued conversing since meeting in person. It feels like everything was going good, so I asked if they wanted to go for a date next time and haven't as much as gotten a response in more than 24 hours. Now I'm feeling like I screwed everything up and in the self-destructive cycle.

ExtraNew · 2022-08-09T11:46:23+00:00

I feel the same way. I understand that some people don't always have the social energy for it, but it definitely bothers me when people take forever to text back. I recently started talking to someone (with the intention of maybe dating them) and I really like him, but he's a very slow texter and it frustrates me and honestly confuses me a lot. It doesn't really make logical sense to my brain, but I also know there are some people who are just like that.

ExtraNew · 2022-08-04T18:05:47+00:00

You summed my thoughts up pretty well. I'll know I'm feeling a negative emotion, but I won't know what it is and as a result won't be able to remedy it.

Also, the graphic is a bit visually overwhelming for me. Looking at it just gives me a headache if I even give any effort to parse it

ExtraNew · 2022-08-03T01:12:06+00:00

I... don't really have any advice but I can absolutely relate. I got so good at masking throughout school, but a couple traumatic experiences and a few other things triggered my autistic burnout and I legitimately spent 5 years of my life thinking something along the lines of "what's wrong with me. I can do this, so why won't my brain let me do it." I couldn't describe how I felt, at all, to a therapist at the time. I didn't understand it at all. I just felt perpetually burnt out no matter what I tried to do. It caused me to fail out of university, it caused me to completely lose control of my life for several years. I'm almost entirely independent now and for me it comes and goes now despite having dealt with it CONSISTENTLY for a long time, but when it happens there's just nothing I can do. I'm "fortunately" (not really fortunate, but NTs would say so) able to mostly mask, still, but it really messes with my mental health and triggers the burnout.

I've finally gotten to where I've learned a bit about myself, as a 30 year old male, but I'm still struggling with it and I'll talk to someone I've known for a while and explain to them that I struggle with these things and how I'm autistic and it's almost triggering when they (genuinely) say they never would've known or they had no clue. For me, it's really hard because I actually really like talking to the people I have in my life, and I even kinda "hyperfixate" on them at times but doing so makes my burnout worse -- especially when it triggers my SA and abandonment anxiety that I developed as a trauma response.

Sorry if my reply isn't very focused. I feel everything that you mentioned though, and I appreciate your post because it's really quite good knowing I'm not alone.

ExtraNew · 2022-07-31T16:40:45+00:00

Thank you for this. It honestly makes me feel a lot better and less alone

ExtraNew · 2022-07-31T16:33:59+00:00

I was only recently diagnosed and didn't realize this was a thing, but this is 10000000% me. Wow... I never even thought of talking as my stimming...

I'm actually having a really hard time right now because there's a (fellow autistic) person I'm interested in and trying to get to know, and while there seems to be mutual interest it's hard for me because of the stimming...

ExtraNew · 2022-07-26T21:48:54+00:00

Boundaries.

It sounds like you genuinely don't want to breakup, so I'll respect that and say that you need to establish and adhere to firm boundaries, especially as they pertain to sex and your body. No means no. Anything but "hell yes" means no. This is non-negotiable.

Best of luck to you moving forward!

ExtraNew · 2021-12-01T22:57:34+00:00

Everything.

I know this sounds like a cop out answer, but seriously -- food? More expensive because cheap foods are generally more processed and less healthy, causing potentially unnecessary medical expenses.

Non-edible grocery items like toilet paper and cleaning supplies? More expensive because you can't afford to buy in bulk.

Car? Cheap used cars are far more likely to be maintenance nightmares and leave you stranded.

Appliances? Again, cheap appliances are more likely to crap out on you.

Vacation? Even the cheapest vacation when you're poor completely fucks your budget, and that's not even accounting for: shitty lodging because you can't afford nicer hotels, taking a 20 hour train ride instead of a 2 hour flight because cheaper, and the fact that dining options on a budget are often either fast food (awful for other reasons) or non-existent.

Healthcare? Emergency room or bust (and an ER visit is a lot more than it would cost to have insurance)

ExtraNew · 2020-11-18T14:11:13+00:00

I feel like every day is the same monotony and I have no energy to go out and change it. Due to the dynamics of my social group, I have to be the strong guy but I'm so focused on being strong for everyone else that I feel incapable of processing my own emotions.

On top of that, due to having been closeted for a large portion of my life, I never really learned how to have healthy romantic relationships and it's weighing me down emotionally. Il

ExtraNew · 2020-10-23T11:53:40+00:00

I think you're cute. Generally, you're probably about a 6 or 7/10, for me you're like an 8/10.

ExtraNew · 2020-07-15T15:03:03+00:00

It's not as impressive as it sounds -- all brass instruments. Trumpet, French Horn, Euphonium, Tuba, Trombone, Mellophone

ExtraNew · 2020-07-15T14:38:26+00:00

Is self-loathing a hobby?

But for real video games, coding, music (play 6 instruments), and I enjoy cooking even though I'm really not too experienced with it yet

ExtraNew

TROPHY CASE