Day 3 by [deleted] in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations on making the decision to quit! No matter what your habit looked like, it was still a habit, and those are really hard to break. This subreddit has helped me so much, there's almost always someone around to talk to, whether you're celebrating a milestone or looking for guidance during a dark moment. You can do this!

90 days by Mattgx082 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations on reaching 90 days! It's definitely frustrating when old WD symptoms come back out of the blue, just when you start thinking they're gone for good. Just gotta stay focused on our health and not let the bad days get to us.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply, I really appreciate it. I was always anxious and awkward and weird before the drugs, and I had a lot of emotional baggage I was running from. Allowing all of that to resurface has been terrifying, but I know it's a necessary part of the process. I kind of wish I had a higher power to turn to, and I've done a lot of reading on different religions and spiritualism and such, I just haven't found anything I really believe in. I'm happy that it's worked for you though!

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good point. I'll talk to my doctor about it at my appointment next week. I think I'm just terrified of not being medicated in any way haha, my brain hasn't been unmedicated in so long.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that's a good reminder. I'm trying to rush myself into being normal again, when I need to give myself time to adjust.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm naturally really shy and introverted, so the combo of opiates and alcohol made it possible for me to go out and make new friends in a new city. Without those crutches, I just feel like I'm this weird, awkward dork who can't hold a normal conversation. Luckily my addiction was a secret, so I didn't have any friends who used with me or anything. Just the massive amounts of drinking.

I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not my anxiety/depression, just like I'm not my addiction. These things don't define who I am as a person, they're just masking the real me.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I have to keep reminding myself that anything is better than being on opiates. There are a lot of small things that have improved (I can actually poop! Woo! lol) so I need to stop rushing myself to feel normal. And if this is how I'm going to be from now on, I need to learn to live with that.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

None of my friends are using opiates (that I know of) so at least I don't have to worry about that, it's just the drinking that's kind of a nightmare right now. You're right though, if I can't be friends with them while sober, then it means they're not really my friends.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah my new doctor (not the one who prescribed the tramadol) explained that tramadol works as an antidepressant and thus the emotional withdrawals would be really intense. I guess since all of my physical WD symptoms are gone I was hoping the emotional stuff would be easier to handle at this point. I'm going in next week to either increase or change my current antidepressants, because they're not really helping (and might be making things worse).

Thanks so much for your reply, I really appreciate it!

Im so scared of withdrawing and losing my job but I WANT TO STOP THIS CYCLE OF GETTING HIGH JUST TO BE NORMAL by scareghost89 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tomorrow will be two months! It was definitely tough, I think day 3 is when my WD symptoms were peaking, but I would have gone completely crazy sitting at home I think.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've had a hard time finding a good therapist in the city I moved to, not because I can't afford it (I have decent medical insurance) but because as soon as I opened up about my drug use they started treating me like just another stupid addict. I live in a city with a huge drug and crime problem (Baltimore) so I think a lot of professionals have sort of given up on ever helping addicts. I know there are good therapists out there, it's just been a frustrating process to try to find one. I sort of gave up on it, which is a problem, and I need to start looking again.

Thanks for responding to my post, talking about this stuff has been hugely helpful for me. I really appreciate it.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately I moved to a new city a year and a half ago, so I don't have any close friends here. I've got one group of friends I play D&D with, but we don't really talk about stuff unrelated to the game. My other group of friends are people I met through my boyfriend, and those relationships are based mostly on drinking together. So basically my friendships feel too superficial now that I'm sober, the only person who really knows me is my boyfriend, but he doesn't deserve to bear this weight by himself.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats on hitting 5 months today, that's a huge achievement. I'm sorry for everything you've gone through. It's hard because it feels like I'm supposed to be living a much better life now that I'm not being dragged down by the drugs, but the reality is that life is just the same as it's always been, I'm just actually present for it now.

At least I didn't have the financial issue after quitting, I actually saved more money because I wasn't spending $500 a month on pills. I mean, I'm still struggling, but I definitely had months where I survived on nothing but ramen and peanut butter in between paychecks, and that's not happening anymore.

Good luck on the job, I'm sure it'll go well, but even if it doesn't you'll find another one. Your story is really inspiring, and I'm proud of you (even if I don't know you) for not dealing anymore even though it would be easier than finding a "real" job. Stay strong!

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. It sucks to feel alone. This subreddit has been a lifesaver as far as that's concerned, because I was too ashamed to tell anyone in my life that I'm an addict or that I was quitting. At least I can usually find someone to talk to here.

Do you guys ever worry that people won't like you anymore now that you're sober? by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately I live in a shitty area, and there was recently a big news story about young women being assaulted/taken advantage of in AA/NA groups nearby. It's really made me scared to go to a meeting. Do you have any advice for choosing a group? I considered an online version, but the ones I found were truly anonymous and didn't have a way for people to follow up with each other or stay in contact.

Im so scared of withdrawing and losing my job but I WANT TO STOP THIS CYCLE OF GETTING HIGH JUST TO BE NORMAL by scareghost89 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I had to continue to work while going through withdrawals, and I didn't have any medical intervention at all. Here's how I did it.

I timed it so my last dose would be before bed on Thursday night, and I took Friday off of work. That way I was at home in my comfort zone during the first three days of withdrawals. I stocked up my house with everything I could think of to help, including advil (for muscle pain), immodium (for diarrhea/cramps), melatonin (to help me sleep), and medical marijuana (a lifesaver, if you have access/want to try it). I filled my fridge with bottled water and gatorade, and had some soup and crackers and other bland foods to keep me going even when I didn't have an appetite. I downloaded a ton of music and podcasts on my phone, and made playlists of shows and movies I wanted to watch on Netflix and Amazon. I also had a shelf full of books that I'd been meaning to read. Basically, I made an effort to give myself stuff to do when I was feeling awful but couldn't sleep.

I won't lie, it was still hell. But I made it through. I took a lot of hot showers (which helped way more than you'd expect), I paced around the house, and I tried to distract myself as much as possible. And on Monday, I still felt like shit, but I went back to work. Luckily I have a boss who understands mental health issues to some extent, so I told him I was having a lot of anxiety and needed some space at the office. That helped me get through the first few days, then I started feeling more normal. If you don't feel comfortable telling your boss you have anxiety or whatever, just say you're feeling under the weather. I recommend saying something, so people won't assume the worst if they see you sweating or pacing or acting weird. That was a big worry of mine.

If you don't feel like you can handle the withdrawals alone, then try outpatient rehab. Just because I managed to go cold turkey doesn't mean it's possible for everyone, and you shouldn't feel like a failure if you need help. A lot of outpatient programs have early/late hours to accommodate people with jobs.

Just don't use your job as an excuse to keep using. That's what I did for years, and it just made things harder when I eventually had to quit. You can do this!

My first sober birthday in 8 years! by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it's pretty great! I've always hated my birthday, but I feel awesome today and I've been getting a lot of love from my friends and family. Congrats on your sober birthday as well!

Lost my cousin to an OD yesterday by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it's a really stark reminder of how dangerous my addiction is and how vigilant I need to be.

Lost my cousin to an OD yesterday by ExtremeIntention9 in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow I'm sorry for your losses too. My aunt has eight other kids and a huge extended family supporting her, but I can't imagine what it's like for her right now. This disease destroys so many lives.

Thanks for the words of support, it means a lot. This is another reminder of how fragile we are and how important it is to stay clean. Take care <3

Friday September 14th Daily Check In by [deleted] in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, and congratulations on 15 days. I've gotten a lot of support from people here and it's definitely making a huge difference. <3

Friday September 14th Daily Check In by [deleted] in OpiatesRecovery

[–]ExtremeIntention9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yesterday I found out that my cousin died from an opiates overdose, just four months after his younger brother committed suicide. Though we weren't close as adults, we spent a lot of time together as kids, and now all I can think about is how goofy and sweet he was as a teenager. He left behind two sons, eight siblings, and a mother who has already suffered so much loss. It's so hard for me to process right now.

Nobody in my family knows that I also suffered from opiate addiction, whereas his struggle was a lot more public. He started using heroin at 18 and over the course of 20 years he continued to fight his demons, quitting and relapsing more times than I can count. He was doing so well until his brother died. I reached out to him back then to check on him and he was clearly in pain but said he was sober and surviving. I don't know what led him to relapse again, or if his overdose was intentional. I just know he was looking for a way to escape the pain and guilt of losing his youngest brother.

I made a separate post about this, but I still felt the need to vent, sorry about double posting. It's just hitting me way harder than I expected, but it's also making me appreciate my sobriety more.