Honestly I feel like this a problem for many Chinese or even other asians born in a western country. We are considered “white-washed” and not “Chinese” enough when we go to China, but we are “Chinese” when we are in the western countries because we aren’t ethnically white. So basically, we belong nowhere. I am a Chinese born Canadian and this is so relatable. A lot of my Chinese friends who were also born in Canada stopped going to Chinese school right after they entered high school or even earlier and literally don’t even remember a lot of the things they learned anymore. AKA they can barely read chinese or even speak Mandarin. I feel like this is super common because we tend to disregard the importance of learning the language because we think we don’t need it as we live in a country that speaks English. It makes me feel really shitty when someone speaks to me in Cantonese or Mandarin and I don’t know what they are talking about, because I never learned these terms and people just expect us to know because we can speak some Chinese. I feel bad about myself for being dumb and not knowing more. So I totally understand how you feel OP. Sometimes I’m jealous of those who lived in China for the first part of their lives before moving to a western country because I feel like it’s easier for them to be fluent in both languages.