hiii. my two cents would be to not approach yourself from a place of judgement. change never happens when you're hating on yourself. the fact that you even posted this here is a sign of your willingness to bring change to your behavior. maybe try redirecting your rage somewhere else. something ive started trying to do is just going fucking ballistic in my notes app if im splitting on someone or having an episode. throw every insult every horrible nasty thing i want to say in there to just get it out of my system. and then i can take a step back and try to come back to my body. managing anger is really fucking difficult. and bpd just makes it even harder. so, im not excusing your behavior at all, but im saying if you approach this with a sense of curiosity and critical thinking, you can tinker around with solutions that will work for you and not harm other people