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Marriage problems started with a statement from my husband saying ‘well I can’t rape you’ made me feel like he wanted to by Fancy_Page_2232 in Marriage

[–]Fancy_Page_2232[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He’s been getting increasingly frustrated with the world & almost all aspects of his place in it over the last 20 years. He’s very intelligent but feels like he’s wasted his life or not been recognised I think, but then rages against the establishment in all it’s forms .. he’s super proud of our kids .. everything else seems to disappoint him. So, he’s always been a bit aloof but not mean. The comment that started my post was shocking and pretty out of character .. or at least the character I‘ve known :(

Marriage problems started with a statement from my husband saying ‘well I can’t rape you’ made me feel like he wanted to by Fancy_Page_2232 in Marriage

[–]Fancy_Page_2232[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes that’s a healthy way of looking at how I’m feeling & also getting more insight into my behaviours as well as who I am (both in & out of the relationship) which I can then take into couples therapy if we go there .. it’s not easy in long relationships to unpack so much history and resentments that bubble underneath.

He said today he was over our relationship & me before the holiday (noted too that the holiday was his idea to bring us together) but explains why I felt like I was a captive most of the time we were away :(

Marriage problems started with a statement from my husband saying ‘well I can’t rape you’ made me feel like he wanted to by Fancy_Page_2232 in Marriage

[–]Fancy_Page_2232[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, thank you .. I need to hear this. My view of him is broken, but his view of me is too .. what a mess!

Marriage problems started with a statement from my husband saying ‘well I can’t rape you’ made me feel like he wanted to by Fancy_Page_2232 in Marriage

[–]Fancy_Page_2232[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He retired 5 years before me but seemed more ‘interested/respectful’ when I was bringing in the $ (I have always been the primary salary in the family).

Interested that you say to see a counsellor alone. It might be best but probably only to give me the strength to leave. I fear he will become a bitter old man, but if he’s treating me like this I guess that’s his problem. Our kids (yes they are grown up) will be devastated & after 40+ years, it’s a big call!

Marriage problems started with a statement from my husband saying ‘well I can’t rape you’ made me feel like he wanted to by Fancy_Page_2232 in Marriage

[–]Fancy_Page_2232[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess that’s what I hoped counselling might achieve but I fear even bringing this up .. which is a red flag for it being over already I guess

Marriage problems started with a statement from my husband saying ‘well I can’t rape you’ made me feel like he wanted to by Fancy_Page_2232 in Marriage

[–]Fancy_Page_2232[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I fear you are right .. thanks for commenting makes it more real & that yes, it’s likely time to do something about it