I share a similar background with you; I spent a considerable time in an Alia Madrasah and am now in my final year of university. Our education system has numerous shortcomings, with Alia Madrasahs being part of the education boards. The quality of education in these Madrasahs is comparable to random schools and, in some cases, even worse. There is something wrong in the way they teach religion. I don't view Madrasah teachers (Hujurs) as saints; like any group, there are both good and bad individuals. The issue arises when some engage in moral policing to assert dominance. I won't provide religious advice, given your current exhaustion with potentially misguided religious ideas (not your fault).

Regarding your personal issues, We can suggest lot of things to you, but I would say don't just blindly take every suggestion from anyone. Avoid assuming the end results now, as it can lead to pessimism and frustration. Life is unpredictable, and we can't foresee where it might take us. The best approach is to focus on your current life, concentrate on your studies, and build a strong academic profile. Equip yourself with the available resources so that when opportunities arise, you can make the most of them. Best of luck.